Bared to Shepherd
by Nielsen1984
Summary: Grey's/Bared to You AU. Meredith is an intern for Seattle Grace, who is hiding a dark secret and wanting to hide from her past. She meets Derek Shepherd, a fellow doctor who is hiding a secret of his own. Can they heal the wounds they both have been left with? MerDer. Rating changed to M.
1. Chapter I

**AN: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

"Let's go out to that new bar that just opened up and go get a drink together!"

I looked over at my roommate, Callie Torres, who was currently sitting in the kitchen at our barstool.

"Um, Callie, I love you, but I really don't think it's a good idea to be going out drinking the night before we start working," I replied. "I just got a new job."

"I'm not saying we get drunk. I'm saying that we drink one or two glasses, then we walk around and go shopping until the alcohol has worn off."

"I was planning on hitting the gym tonight. Okay, how about this? We go drinking tomorrow after work. If I can make it through my first day of the new job, then I'll be in the mood to celebrate."

"Deal."

* * *

I decided to go out for a walk and enjoy the city before I have to start working tomorrow. I live in an apartment with Callie in Seattle. Our home is about 20 minutes from Seattle Grace Memorial Hospital, which is where I will be working.

After I had walked around for 20 minutes, I decided to go back to the apartment and get my car so I could go look around in the hospital. I wanted to make sure I knew my way around and could find where everything was easily.

I drove to the hospital and showed my credentials to be let in. When I got inside, I saw a woman struggling with her wallet and then all of her coins spilled out onto the floor. I got down on the floor and helped pick up the coins. The woman was very grateful for the help.

As I picked up a dime, I looked up and saw a tall man standing in front of me. I waited for him to move, but he didn't. I saw him crouch down and start to pick up some of the remaining coins.

His blue eyes flickered over to mine and I just looked at him. He was quite handsome, somewhat skinny, and muscular. I was more focused on picking up the coins for the woman, but I got a good look at his face and I was taken aback by his features. All I could do was stare at him. He continued to stare back at me and then I suddenly fell backwards, flat on my behind.

"Are you okay, miss?" he asked me, holding out his hand.

_Even his voice is sexy,_ I thought. I took his hand and he helped me to my feet. I realized that I had dropped my credentials on the floor and he bent down to pick them up.

"I'm okay," I said.

"You did just fall backwards; how about you sit down for a minute?"

My mind immediately went to the gutter and thoughts of hot, passionate sex suddenly appeared.

I shook my head to get the thoughts out of my mind and realized that I was still staring at the handsome man in front of me.

"Sure," I continued. He handed me my credentials back and his fingers briefly touched mine, and I immediately felt my body get warm. I saw him leave around the corner and then gave the woman her coins back. She said thanks, and then walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I was with the handsome, no-name man for less than five minutes, and already, I was attracted to him.

* * *

I left the hospital and drove home. When I entered the apartment, I smelled dinner as soon as I walked in. Callie was in the kitchen, serving the food she had just cooked.

"I'm back!" I said. "What's on the menu tonight?"

"Parmesan chicken and garlic bread," she replied.

"It smells so good and I'm starving." I sat down at the dinner table with a glass of white wine and Callie set the plate of food in front of me. I picked up my knife and cut a piece of chicken, then ate it. The flavor just filled my mouth and my body immediately craved more. "So today, I went to the hospital and met a hot guy. He was probably the hottest man I've ever seen."

"Oh really? Dark-haired or blonde? Eye color? Muscular? Do go on," my roommate said.

"He's quite tall. Dark-haired, blue eyes, massive sex appeal, and quite muscular," I continued. "I don't even know his name, but I think he works at the hospital. I was helping a woman pick up some coins, and he got down to help me. Then I fell back on my behind, and he helped me up. Then he left."

"Oh, come on, Meredith, you should have flirted with him! If he's as hot as you say he is, then you should have."

"He doesn't seem like the type of man who would want to be flirted with."

"One of those, then…"

"I guess so."

* * *

I entered Seattle Grace ten minutes before I was supposed to start working. I entered my boss's office and took a seat.

"Hello, Ms. Grey," he said calmly.

"Hello, Mr. Webber...Doctor Webber," I replied. I was slightly angry with myself for saying the wrong name.

"You can call me Richard, or Doctor Webber. Whichever you prefer." I nodded my head, telling him I understood. "So, are you all settled into your new place?"

"I am, yes. I finished unpacking all of my stuff a few days ago," I continued.

"You came back to Seattle from New Hampshire, correct?"

"That's correct, Doctor Webber."

"How is Seattle compared to New Hampshire now that you moved back here?"

"Not that much different, I guess. I'm used to big cities and the humidity."

"Come, let me show you around."

I followed my boss throughout the hospital. The day seemed to pass by quickly and before I knew it, it was the end of the workday. My phone rang after I started to pack up my things for the day.

"Get your butt home so we can go get that drink that you decided not to get yesterday," Callie said on the other end. She giggled a bit, as did I. Her fake sternness always made me laugh.

"I'm packing up my things and I'll be home shortly," I replied. "See you soon."

"See you soon."

The phone call ended and I finished packing up my things, sending an 'on my way home now' text to Callie. She responded a few seconds later with a thumbs up emoji.

After I signed out for the day, I was about to leave the hospital when the front door opened and I nearly stopped dead in my tracks.

The handsome man I had seen yesterday had just walked in.


	2. Chapter II

**AN: ****Please review :)**

**Rating will change next chapter.**

* * *

CHAPTER TWO

He was dressed in dark blue scrubs, his hair perfectly styled. My breathing started to quicken a bit, and I was trying to remain calm. He looked even better than he did yesterday.

"Are you headed out, Meredith?" he asked me.

Even just hearing him speak made my body react. I cleared my throat and then spoke. I was trying to figure out how he knew I was leaving.

"Yes, I'm done for the day," I said.

"I came back here to drop off some papers, and then I was headed out. I'll only be a minute."

"Sure…"

He left and came back within a couple of minutes, no longer holding the papers. He was still dressed in his scrubs and was now holding a briefcase in his hand. We walked out of the hospital together and towards the parking lot.

"How was your first day?" he continued.

_How did he know it was my first day?_ I asked myself.

"It was...good," I said. "Yours?"

"Well, it wasn't my first day, but it's been getting better."

When we reached the parking lot, he said goodbye and headed over to his car, and I was left standing there, feeling my body completely weaken. This man was doing something to me that no man had ever done before, and I still didn't even know his name.

* * *

"Meredith!"

I heard my roommate's voice as I walked into the apartment. I was happy to see her when I arrived home.

"You look different," Callie continued. "Did you run into the handsome, unnamed man again?"

"Yes, I did. I saw him as I was leaving," I replied.

"What happened?"

"He asked me how my first day was and then we walked out to the parking lot. Then he went over to his car and left."

"You really should ask him out."

"I don't even know his name! Maybe he has a girlfriend. Anyway, let's go drinking."

* * *

The next morning, I had a slight headache, which was my body telling me that I had way too much alcohol to drink. I took a couple of Aleve and drove to work, arriving on time.

"Hey," my boss said to me after I walked into his office.

"Hey," I replied.

"Would you be able to stay a little later tonight?"

"Sure, Doctor Webber."

We went over a case that dealt with intestinal cancer and then a woman walked in. I recognized her as the woman who had been struggling with her wallet.

"Hi, honey," Richard said to her. "Adele, this is one of my interns, Meredith. Meredith, this is my wife, Adele."

"We actually met the other day," I continued. "I helped her collect all her change after the coins fell onto the floor."

"Oh, that's who you were talking about," he said to his wife. "I was trying to put a name to the face."

I stayed until eight PM that night and Richard told me I could come in a half an hour late tomorrow because of my hard work. He wanted to call me a cab home, but I said that my car worked fine and I would be able to get home no problem.

As we walked out of the office and towards the front door, I suddenly stopped walking at the sight of the handsome man entering the hospital. I was so stunned that it caused my boss to run into me and I started to lose my balance. I started to fall forward and the man caught me before I fell.

"I'm...I'm so sorry," I said.

"Doctor Shepherd," my boss replied. "Sorry about that. This is my newest intern, Meredith Grey."

"We have met before," Shepherd spoke up. "It is always a pleasure to run into you, Meredith."

I was glad that I was wearing a thick bra because my nipples were starting to stiffen into peaks.

"Well, the wife and I are going out to dinner," Doctor Webber continued. "I'll see you tomorrow, Meredith."

He left and I was standing there with Doctor Shepherd, alone. I could feel my nipples getting even harder and my breathing was even quicker than before.

"Are you with anyone, Meredith?" he asked me.

"That's not anyone's business but my own," I replied.

"I want to have sex with you, Meredith, and I wanted to know if there was anyone in my way."

He then walked away and closed the door behind him. I was in complete shock and forced myself to walk out of the hospital and over to my car.

* * *

"You can't be serious," Callie said to me after we settled down on the couch in our apartment and I had told her about what had happened at work that day. "He actually was that blunt?"

"Yeah, he was."

"You need to jump on that opportunity. If a man as hot as Mr. Shepherd has come your way, you seriously need to take him up on his offer."

"I don't even know what his first name is, or why he's at Seattle Grace."

Callie opened her laptop and did some research. "He is well-known, Meredith. His name is Derek Shepherd, and he's a Neurosurgery attending at Seattle Grace."

"Please stop talking, Callie," I said.

"What? I was just telling you who he was. You're right that he's hot. If he told me he wanted to sleep with me, I'd totally do him."

* * *

The next day at work, I saw Derek Shepherd talking with two other people and his mood instantly changed from bored to interested once he saw me.

"Can we talk, Meredith?" he asked me after he walked over.

"I'm not interested in you, Doctor Shepherd," I replied.

"You say that now, but in a while, I think your answer will change."

I followed him to his office - since all the attendings have one - and he offered me a drink, but I declined.

"I think your statement yesterday was very crude," I continued.

"I can't stop thinking about you, Meredith," he said. "I have tried, but I can't stop." We were now against the wall, me leaning against it. He was close to me and I could feel his breath against my skin. I was incredibly turned on, no matter how much I tried to deny it. "Please kiss me. Just give me that much."

I licked my lips to get them wet, and then his lips were on mine, his hands in my hair. I liked how soft his lips felt against mine, his breathing quickening as he continued to kiss me. He picked me up and carried me over to the couch in his office. He was already pulling my scrub bottoms down.

"Meredith, you are so lucky that you don't seem to have a boyfriend," he said. He was back to kissing me and I was almost panting because this man nearly took all the air out of me. There was a knock heard on the door and he groaned. I groaned too, disappointed that we were interrupted.


	3. Chapter III

**AN: ****Please review :)**

**Rating has changed.**

* * *

CHAPTER THREE

"Doctor Shepherd, Doctor Bailey is here to see you," someone said from outside.

"Crap," was the response. I nearly yelped and was scrambling to fix my clothes. "Meredith, you need to go. We'll talk later."

I grabbed my things and quickly headed out of the office, my mind still racing with thoughts of our little escapade. I headed home and saw that Callie was out.

I nearly flopped on my bed and then opened my bedside drawer and found the vibrator I was looking for. My phone rang and I answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Meredith," I heard someone's voice say. "Where are you?"

"At home, on a date with my toys," I continued.

"Oh, you really are determined to keep me in a constant state of arousal, are you?"

"The toys and I have a long relationship. Good night, Doctor Shepherd."

* * *

On Monday around lunchtime, Derek invited me to have lunch with him. I was reluctant at first, but then my stomach growled and I decided that it would nice to not eat lunch alone, again.

When I stepped into his office, he had two sandwiches on his desk and handed one to me. There was turkey, cheese, lettuce, and pickles all on the sandwich and I took a bite, not realizing just how hungry I was. We just ate our sandwiches in silence and after we were finished, he walked over to me and kissed me softly. I kissed him back. I didn't want to, but my body wanted him.

He carried me over to the couch and laid me down, his hands on my breasts and squeezing them through my bra.

"Derek, please," I begged him.

"Ssh, baby, we don't want people to hear," he said in my ear. He gently put his hand under my scrub bottoms and slid my panties to the side. "You're already wet for me."

"Please," was all I could say. He pulled my pants down a bit and slid a finger inside me. He curled it, making me grip the couch cushions tightly.

"I need to make you cum. It's the only thing I've been able to think about for the last while." He slid another finger inside me and I was in so much pleasure that if someone were to walk in right now, I wouldn't care at all. "When was the last time you had sex?"

"It's been...a while…" I continued, not being able to talk much because of the pleasure he was giving me.

"I want to tell you every way you will pleasure me, Meredith, and I want to pleasure you in every way possible."

"Please, Derek!" My voice got higher.

"I have you, Meredith. Cum for me."

I felt my body contract around his fingers and I was left feeling the effects of the orgasm. I looked down and saw that he was pulling my pants off all the way and keeping my panties to the side. I was incredibly sensitive after the mind-blowing orgasm he had just given me and now, I could feel the pleasure start to build up again.

His tongue was licking my slit all over and it didn't take long before I came again and couldn't help but cry out.

Derek put my pants back on and came up to my mouth, kissing me softly.

"I hope to see you again, Meredith. In fact, I have to go to an event for the hospital attendings tomorrow night. You should come with me as my plus one," he said.

"Um, okay."

"I'll see you at eight tomorrow night."

He kissed me goodbye, then grabbed his things and left the office. I'm still in the post-orgasmic bliss from the two times he made me cum.

* * *

The next evening, I was getting ready for the event with Derek and I asked Callie which bracelet looked better with my outfit - a light blue dress. I wondered if the silver or gold bracelet looked better with the dress.

"Definitely go with the silver," Callie said. "Silver earrings would go well too."

I made sure that I looked presentable and told my roommate I would see her later that evening.

When I stepped outside my apartment, I saw a black limo on the street. I thought I was going to have to drive myself, but this was an official hospital limo. I stepped inside and saw Derek sitting in there.

"Thanks?" I asked. "We're going to this thing in a limo?"

"Webber is in another part of the vehicle. There is a divider between this part of the limo and the front part. I figured we could have some alone time before we got to the party," Derek replied.

He told the driver to keep the divider up the entire time and before I knew it, he had pulled me onto his lap.

"What have you done to me, Meredith Grey?" he asked, pulling me close to him for a deep kiss. "I can't get enough of you."

"I want you," I said. "I need you."

It was naughty that we were about to have sex in one of the hospital's limos, but it was even naughtier knowing that we would be passing by people on the way to the event.

"I have been desperate to finish what we started earlier in my office," he growled into my ear.

"We can finish here," I said. I was already undoing the zipper of his dress pants and trying to pull them down. He lifted his hips a bit to get his pants down enough. He hissed quietly when I grabbed his cock with both of my hands. I loved seeing him react like this.

Derek slid a hand under my dress and started to rub me through my lace thong. "I've barely touched you and you're already soaking. I want to have you begging for my cock as you're spread out on my bed." I found a condom in his dress pants pocket and handed him the package.

He opened the wrapper and slid the condom on. I grabbed his dick and positioned it at my entrance, slowly sinking down on him.

"Oh, Meredith, you're so tight," he said quietly, pushing up into me. The pleasure I got from his dick was amazing. I rode him hard and fast, feeling him tense up. "I'm gonna cum." I felt my orgasm rip through me, then his followed quickly behind.

He kissed me softly. Then I got up off of him and he removed the condom, putting it in a cocktail napkin and disposing of it in a small trash can.

As I sat next to him, I felt the intimate connection we had growing further apart and Derek immediately was on his cell phone, looking through his emails. I wondered if he had forgotten I was there, sitting next to him in the limo.


	4. Chapter IV

**AN: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR

Most of the night was a blur. I did remember seeing Derek speak with Doctor Webber, and after I went to the bathroom, I found this brunette woman with dark brown eyes just staring at me. I had no idea what she wanted with me.

"Um, why do you keep staring at me?" I asked her.

"Oh dear. You're just another one of Shepherd's one-night stands," the woman said.

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Rose. I'm a friend of Derek's."

"What gives you the right to call me a one-night stand?"

"Derek Shepherd sleeps with a lot of women, and he respects none of them. The moment he put his dick inside you, you were going to be just another one of the many women he'd sleep with."

"That's pathetic of you to say. You haven't had a one-night stand with Derek yet?"

"No. That's why he's keeping me around. He's throwing away all the others but decided to keep me around."

"I don't have to listen to you."

I turned around and left the bathroom, calling a taxi to take me back to my apartment. When I got inside, I made a quick dash for my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. If Callie wanted to speak to me, she'd have to wait until the next morning. I ended up crying myself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, I saw Callie drinking a mug of hot green tea while she sat on the couch.

"You okay?" she asked me.

"I'm not really sure," I replied. "I had sex with Derek in one of the hospital's limos, then it seemed as though I didn't exist. I ran into this girl, Rose, who said she was a friend of Derek's. She told me that he doesn't respect any of the women he has one night stands with and that he keeps her around."

"You rocked his world, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. It was the best sex of my life. But did you hear anything else I said?"

"Yes. But I honestly think that woman's lying to you. If she's lying, don't talk to him again. If she's not, then ask him about it. But I really don't think an attending neurosurgeon would be that kind of person."

"Anyway, how was your night? Anything exciting happen when I was out?"

"I met up with this girl on Tinder and we like each other. I'm hoping to meet up with her again soon."

Callie had recently come out to me as bisexual, and I was happy for her. I was glad that she was getting out there and trying to find a date.

* * *

I ended up arriving at work a half hour early, hoping to avoid running into Derek. I just wanted to put the drama from the other night behind us and move on with my life. He knocked on my office door, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What do you want, Doctor Shepherd?" I asked with a formal tone in my voice. He closed the door behind him and looked over at me.

"Meredith, I'm sorry for the other night. I know I screwed up. Please, just let me explain," he said.

"It's perfectly fine, Doctor Shepherd."

"Meredith, please…" He walked closer to me and around my desk to where I was sitting. "That light blue dress...every time I close my eyes, all I can see is our escapade in the back of the limo. I can't stop thinking about it. It was the best sex of my life."

"Derek, don't-"

He kissed me, effectively cutting me off. I realized how much I missed his kisses since the other night, but after remembering what Rose said, I know that I had to let him ago. After he pulled away, he ended up sitting on my desk.

"Tell me what you want, Meredith," he said.

"I'm not interested in seeing you anymore, Doctor Shepherd," I replied.

* * *

"Oh, you don't really mean that, do you?" he continued, looking somewhat sad.

"I do mean what I said. You and I...this was a mistake."

"No, it wasn't. After what we did, the way I reacted was the mistake. I realized after you left how much I screwed up. I've never done this before."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be with you, Meredith."

"You've never given me any indication that you wanted me for anything other than sex."

"In the beginning, when we first met, I did. But I took a step back and reflected. I realize that I wanted more than just sex. What I felt with you was unlike anything I've ever experienced."

"It was just sex. And it was great. But all you want is to have sex with me every chance you get."

"I want to learn things with you. I want to have you in my bed. But I also want to do other things with you."

I sighed deeply before speaking. "Do you know how much stress a relationship would add to my already busy life with a job here?"

"I have a busy job too, but I find time to look for a date."

"Your friend Rose told me otherwise. She told me that you do not respect any of the women you have sex with and you're just keeping her around."

"She said that, did she? Well, I'm going to have a nice chat with her, because she's lying. But in regards to us, Meredith, I want to fight for you. I want you so bad, and you're worth fighting for."

"Are you against being exclusive?"

Derek took a deep breath before speaking. "I think it was implied that if I want sex with you, then there will be no other men for you, Meredith."

"How about women?"

"Is there a woman interested in you?"

"I just have a female roommate, Callie."

"Your body is mine, Meredith. I'm not sharing with anyone."

"And what about your body?"

"It is all yours, and I want you to take advantage of it as much as possible."

"You've already seen me naked pretty much," I said. "It's a nice proposition, but I haven't seen much of you."

"We can change that situation. Tonight, after five, I can have my schedule cleared for the rest of the day," he replied. "I'm sure about this, Meredith. I've never been sure about any woman in my life before...until now."

I placed a hand over his. "I was planning on hitting the gym as soon as work was done."

"I can come with you. I've been meaning to work out too. It's been a few days."

"Five PM tonight, then."

"I look forward to it."

He kissed me, cupping my face, then pulling away.

"Now, I expect that you go and do a good amount of work. I might have to spank you later if you don't," he continued.

The throbbing between my legs returned instantly at the thought of him punishing me. "And I expect that do you a lot of work too, Doctor Shepherd."

"Are you going to think about me while you're in your office?"

"Yes, of course. I can't get you out of my mind. What about you?"

"Of course. All I can think about lately is you."


	5. Chapter V

**AN: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER FIVE

Derek kissed me goodbye, then I left his office to return to the ER. I hadn't been working for more than fifteen minutes when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Richard standing in the door-frame of the hospital's main entrance.

"Doctor Webber," I said, standing up. "What can I do for you, Sir?"

"May I talk to you for a minute?" he asked me.

"Sure." I felt slightly nervous.

He and I walked over to the reception desk. "I know it's none of my business, and it is wrong for me to cross a line, but I need to say it. I really like you, Meredith, and I'd like you to work here for a while."

"I like my job too, Doctor Webber."

"I love my wife, and Doctor Shepherd is good at his job, but I just don't want to see you hurt by him and have you quit your job because of him. Just be careful around Derek, okay?"

"Of course. Doctor Webber, Sir, nothing is going to make me quit my job. I promise."

"I just wanted you to know."

"I appreciate it, Sir."

He left the ER and I continued on with my work. The day seemed to go by fast because I knew what was coming later that night.

Derek came by the conference room at five and we headed out of the hospital. We each drove to the gym in our own cars and when we got there, we got changed into our workout clothes.

"What are you wearing?" he asked me after I came out of the locker room. I was wearing gym shorts and a tank top.

"My gym clothes," I said.

"That's not a lot of coverage, Meredith."

"I thought you liked me with little to no clothes on."

"In private, I do. But not in public."

We walked over to the treadmills and I immediately stepped on and put my headphones in. I told Derek I liked to listen to music while I worked out. I set the treadmill speed to eight MPH and began running. We exercised for a half hour before heading back to the locker rooms to shower.

When I came out, he was eyeing me all over. I was wearing the skinny jeans, blouse, and flats that I had worn to work that morning.

* * *

15 minutes later, we were at a hotel just outside Seattle and as soon as we were alone in the room, his mouth was on mine.

"Get naked," I ordered. "Now."

He kissed me again and then kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket and shirt. My mouth started to water at the sight of him, and he nearly growled in my ear, "You're mine. You're wearing too many clothes for my liking."

Derek was already undoing the zipper of my jeans and pulling them down. My blouse was next and I kicked my flats off to the side. I was standing in nothing but my bra and underwear and he pushed me onto the bed, kissing me softly on my neck.

"I need you," I continued. I had no idea how much longer I was going to last, but I knew that I needed a release soon.

"Not yet. You're still pretty tight…" I felt a finger enter me and curl against my walls. "I don't want to bruise this."

"Derek, please."

"I love seeing you cum, seeing the way your body reacts and quivers."

He put a second finger inside me and curled it as well, and my body started to tighten up around his fingers. I gripped the bed-sheets and nearly screamed as I came all over his fingers. He kept them inside me as his tongue made its way across my sensitive flesh and I could already feel that I was going to cum again.

I came even harder this time, my forehead nearly dripping in sweat. I saw Derek go over his clothes and pull out a condom wrapper. Once he put the condom on himself, he joined me back on the bed and pushed inside me, slowly.

The pleasure was incredible. I hadn't given much thought of experimenting with being tied up during sex, but in the moment, if he wanted to, I'd let him. I felt possessed by him, my body surrendering to him. I was still sensitive from the two orgasms he had given me earlier that it didn't take long for me to cum again, and I knew that I could keep going for a while.

"I've never been so hard in my life," he said to me. "You do this to me." All I could do was moan and dig my nails into his back. "Cum now, Meredith. Cum for me."

I had a powerful orgasm rip through me and I was hoping that no one had heard my screams of pleasure.

Afterwards, we lay next to each other in the bed, panting hard from the mind-blowing sex we just had.

"I need to shower again," I said.

"So do I. I'll join you."

We both walked into the shower and let the hot water hit us. I ended up finishing before him and walked out into the main room to get dressed. I still heard the water running from the bathroom, so I had a little alone time to myself and got dressed in the same clothes as before. I opened the bedside drawer and found a large collection of condoms, lube, and spermicide gel. My mind was racing at that moment.

I heard the water shut off, so I knew I only had a little bit of time left before Derek got back. I opened one of the dresser drawers and found a huge collection of sex toys inside, some that weren't even open yet. I decided that I had seen enough.

Just as Derek came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and called my name, I set the condoms, lube, and sex toys on the bed, grabbed my things, and left the room.

* * *

I completed the walk of shame down the hallway and wanted nothing more than to get out of the hotel. Seeing all of those things in the drawers was freaking me out. I made my way down the street to a Mexican restaurant and decided to get some food. Even though I was in a public place, I couldn't help it when a couple of tears ran down my face. After the food arrived, I picked at it. The food was okay, but nevertheless, I ate it.

I called my therapist back in New Hampshire, who told me that video appointments would be the best option for now until I found someone in the Seattle area. After talking with my therapist, I noticed a few missed calls and a text from Derek:

_\- I'm sorry. Please don't break up with me. I screwed up again._

All I could think about in that moment was the thought of Derek with other women, him having sex with them, giving them pleasure…

I felt my phone buzz again and saw that he was calling. I wondered if answering the call was a better choice, or letting it go to voicemail. I wanted to hurt him for bringing me to a hotel where he screwed other women, but now I couldn't do it. I answered the call.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Meredith, thank goodness. Where are you?" he continued.

"I'm sorry, Derek."

"No, it's my fault. Please, where are you?"

"A Mexican restaurant. I don't remember the name."

"I'll be there shortly."


	6. Chapter VI

**AN: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER SIX

I saw him enter the restaurant, still holding his phone. He looked really sad and I wanted to get this situation straightened out.

"Meredith," he said. He ended up cupping my face. "I need to talk to you. But this is not the place to do it. Will you meet me at my house?"

"Um…"

"It's not like the hotel. Only my mother and sisters have been there."

"This is so stupid."

"No, Meredith. It's not stupid. Please. Just come to my house and we can talk."

I didn't want to go, but my gut told me that I should go along and hear him out. I paid for my food and followed him out to the hotel parking lot. Then I got into my car and drove behind him to his house. I felt a little better knowing that he didn't bring the other women here. His house was quite stunning after I finished touring it.

"I'll order some pizza. Please stay over, Meredith," he said.

"I don't have any clothes for tomorrow or toiletries," I replied.

"I'll make sure we swing by your place tomorrow and have you back at the hospital on time."

A half hour later, the pizza arrived and we settled on the bed and turned on the TV. I guessed that he was still trying to make up for what happened back at the hotel. We just ate the food and then got ready for bed. I slept in my bra and underwear and he slept nude. He wrapped his arms around me and I fell asleep in his embrace.

* * *

I was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night. Usually I slept straight through, but tonight was different. I looked over at the bedside clock and saw that it was just after four AM. I tried to go back to sleep, but I felt a disturbance on the other side of the bed.

I turned over and saw that Derek was thrashing around in his sleep and his words sliced through the dark. I would never forget what he said.

"Stop!" he cried out, still in his nightmare. "Get your hands off me!"

I immediately started saying his name and put my hands on his chest, trying to get him out of his nightmare.

"Derek? Derek, it's me! You're okay! You were having a bad dream," I said.

My voice seemed to do the trick. His eyes opened and settled on me, and immediately, he relaxed.

"Meredith…?" he asked.

"I'm here," I said.

"I want you." He immediately kissed me and rolled on top of me, touching me all over. I moaned softly, wanting him. "Are you on birth control? I don't have any condoms with me."

"Yes, I'm on the pill."

He slid inside me and I pulled him closer to me. We had sex a couple times before going back to sleep for a few more hours.

* * *

When I awoke next, I saw that Callie had called me twice and sent me several messages. I immediately called her back.

"I'm so sorry, Callie, I ended up spending the night at Derek's place. I'll see you tonight," I said as a voicemail message.

I woke Derek up after leaving the message and told him that we needed to go back to my place so I could get ready for the day. He kissed me good morning, then got changed into a collared shirt and jeans and then carried my things out to my car. He followed me to my apartment and went inside with me. I got changed into a red blouse and black skinny jeans. But I held up the sexy thong I was going to be wearing underneath and he groaned.

"You are going to be the death of me, Ms. Grey," he growled in my ear, then nibbling there softly. I took off my pants, put my underwear on, put my pants back on, then walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put my makeup on.

Once I was ready for the day, I saw that Callie's door was closed, so I figured that she was probably still asleep. I followed Derek outside and we both drove to the hospital. I headed off to my locker and pulled out the case files I had been reading over yesterday afternoon. I decided to use my phone to go on Google and look up Derek and see if I could get any results.

There were several articles about him, but one caught my eye: Mystery Woman Spotted with Shepherd.

I clicked on the article and gasped in horror. Someone had taken a picture of Derek and I while we were at the gym. Underneath was a short paragraph.

_\- Doctor Derek Shepherd, Seattle Grace's attending neurosurgeon and one of America's most eligible bachelors was spotted out with a woman at a local gym yesterday afternoon. The woman has been identified as Ms. Meredith Grey, who also works at the hospital. The source has confirmed that Ms. Grey is in fact the possible girlfriend of Mr. Shepherd. We are certain that women's hearts across Seattle are broken this morning._

"Crap," I said after reading the article. "This is not good."

* * *

I was still in shock after reading the article. If us working out at the gym was now a news article, how exactly was I going to keep up a relationship with him if everyone suddenly knew the details of my personal life?

Remaining anonymous had been my best friend for so long. I had been able to keep my sanity as long as I was just an anonymous person. But now, I didn't know what would happen.

I didn't even use my email much because I didn't want my past and people who weren't currently in my life to contact me. I immediately made my way over to Derek's office and found him talking with Richard and Adele.

"Hello Doctor Webber. Mrs. Webber. Doctor Shepherd," I said.

"Could you give us a minute?" Derek asked our boss and his wife. They headed out of the office and closed the door behind them. "Meredith. What's up?"

"There's a picture of us online. Everyone who searches up your name is going to find the story," I said.

"I saw it there. I didn't even know there was a picture of us taken. A news anchor friend informed me. I went ahead with the picture and wanted to make sure the world knew who I was with."

"Derek, this is not good. You and I being public, that is a bad idea. I'm gonna end up embarrassing you."

"You wouldn't," he said, kissing me softly. "I have a meeting with Richard in a minute, so I'm gonna have to go. Can we talk about things later?"

"Derek, there are things about me that you don't know about-"

"I'm gonna be fine, Meredith. I'll see you later. After work?"

"Sure."

He kissed me goodbye, then left his office.


	7. Chapter VII

**A/N: Richard and Ellis never had an affair in med school; he stayed with Adele. Adele never develops Alzheimer's.**

**Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER SEVEN

I decided to go home for lunch and when I got home, I found Callie eating some pretzels.

"You okay?" she asked me.

"I'm worried," I said. "A picture of Derek and I was taken and published by the media."

"Oh that? That was a good picture!"

"Not helping."

"Sorry. What's up?"

"I work at the hospital. The media is going to dig up stuff and if that gets out, that is going to be absolutely terrible."

"Meredith, you don't have to worry about that. Your father made sure it was all buried."

Memories started to flood back and I nearly started to cry. My father covered up my past because he didn't want my mother to know. She would have gone crazy if she had known about the disaster I went through.

"I'm gonna have to tell him to be careful. He has a right to be warned. I think he's got some bad stuff going on with him too. He's having nightmares."

"Please don't worry about it, Meredith. Your mother doesn't know, and your father made sure your past was hidden."

* * *

I returned to the hospital shortly before my lunch break was over and made my way over to Derek's office. The door was open and I didn't even knock since I saw him talking on the phone to someone. He saw me and held up his finger to signal that he would be a minute.

"I don't care if you're on vacation, Chief Webber needs to make a decision and report to UNOS by tomorrow. That case has been sitting around for weeks, and we need a decision. Tell the rest of the doctors to make a decision as soon as possible and tell the Chief!" he said into the phone, then set it back in its cradle. He turned his attention to me. "Meredith-"

I closed the door and locked it, stripping off my bottoms and underwear as I walked over to him and sat down on his desk.

"Now, Doctor Shepherd, I know I've been naughty and deserve to be reprimanded, but I know that I should be given a second chance," I said.

His eyes started to darken with lust. "I don't believe I asked for your opinion on the situation, Ms. Grey."

I grabbed ahold of his tie and had my mouth only a few inches from his. "I'm sure there must be some kind of arrangement that we can come to. I have a few useful skills that you might like." I then reached down and cupped his already hard dick.

"An interesting proposition, Ms. Grey, but I do have a meeting in about ten minutes that I can't miss," he said. "I've never had a proposition like this before."

"I think you'll like this one."

My hands were undoing the button of his scrub bottoms. I kissed him deeply, biting gently on his lower lip. I pulled down his pants about halfway and his eyes were a deep shade of blue. I got on my knees, the carpet slightly uncomfortable, but in that moment, I did not care.

"Meredith, what-" he began, but I started sucking on the head of his dick and he couldn't finish his sentence. He gripped the edge of his desk tightly, and I could tell that the pleasure I was giving him with my mouth was affecting him. "Your mouth...oh please, don't stop."

I just smirked at him, wishing I had more time to make this last. But I did not want to make him late for his meeting. I gripped his dick at the base and started stroking it up and down as my mouth focused on the head.

I could tell that he wanted to scream in pleasure, but considering that we were in the hospital, we had to be quiet.

"Meredith, I'm gonna cum," he said quietly, still maintaining a tight grip on his desk. I felt him release into my mouth and then I made sure that every last drop was swallowed or licked up by my tongue. He still wasn't soft after I finished, and even though I wanted more, he had a meeting to go to and I had work to do.

"I hope you have a good rest of your day," I said to him, licking my lips to make sure my mouth was clean.

"Meredith, wait. I didn't get to repay the favor."

"You don't have to. It was good enough. Will you come over later?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

When I got home that evening, I told Callie that Derek was going to be coming over later. She just smirked at me.

"Have fun," she said. "I'm going to meet that girl from Tinder again - Arizona."

"Have fun as well," I replied.

Callie left the house and I made myself some dinner. I then settled into the tub to have a relaxing bath before Derek came over.

After I stepped out of the tub and got dressed, I became aware of giggling out in the hallway and I opened the door to find Callie and her date making out as they made their way to her room and shut the door behind them.

An hour later, Derek arrived at the apartment and I kissed him after I let him inside. We made a quick dash for my room and I closed the door behind us.

He picked me up and then pushed me onto the bed, getting on top and putting his knee between my legs to press against the throbbing sensation that needed to be relieved.

"Derek, please, I need it," I said.

The lace underwear I had put on after my bath were quickly taken off and flung across the room. He immediately buried his tongue on the sensitive bundle of nerves that had been needing his touch all day.

I was gripping the bed sheets tightly and crying out in pleasure, not caring if Callie or her date heard me. His tongue focused on a particularly sensitive spot and it was enough to get me close to cumming. "I need to cum, Derek, please let me."

"Not yet, Meredith, I want to make this last," he replied. He focused on my inner thighs instead of the place where I needed him the most. He teased me with his tongue again and by now I was begging so much.

"Please, Derek. I need to cum. Please!"

"I've got you. Cum for me."

I feel the orgasm rip through me and he came up to my eye level, kissing me deeply, and then pinning my hands above me and sliding inside me with ease. My legs were now wrapped around his waist, pulling him close to me as we had sex on my bed.


	8. Chapter VIII

_**A/N: Trigger warning for mentions of sensitive material. Proceed with caution for this chapter.**_

**Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHT

Derek found me in the shower the next morning. He joined me and I leaned back against him, his body feeling even hotter than normal because of the water temperature.

I had noticed that he didn't have any nightmares last night, so I figured that the sex we were having seemed to have a sedative effect on him.

After we showered and got dressed for work, we ate breakfast together and as soon as the dishes were put away, he backed me against the counter.

"You're gonna end up costing me my job," I said to him.

"I can give you another one," he replied, kissing me softly.

"As what? A sex slave?"

"A very provocative suggestion, Ms. Grey."

"I have a present for you, Derek. Let me go get it."

I hurried off to my room and presented him with two framed pictures. The first one was a picture of me at dinner the night I found out I was hired at Seattle Grace. The second one was a picture of me and Callie having fun drinking wine at a wine-tasting event a few weeks before we moved to Seattle.

"These are lovely, Meredith. Thank you. I'm going to put them on my desk so I can see them whenever I'm working in there," he said, kissing me again.

* * *

When lunchtime rolled around, Doctor Webber asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him and Adele. I accepted his invitation, but then I got a text from Derek.

_\- Lunch today?_

I texted back that I had plans with Richard and Adele. It was a simple response, but I wasn't prepared to have lunch with Derek. One of his friends at the hospital, Preston Burke, whom I had gotten to know a bit after talking on a few breaks, had sent me a few pictures that he had gotten from Derek's news anchor friend. Burke was apparently friends with the same news anchor.

Also, Derek and his 'friend' Rose had been out at dinner the other night and now I was fuming. How dare he meet up with her after what she said to me!

As I was leaving the hospital with Richard and Adele, I ran into Derek and he was surprised to see me.

"I'm having lunch with them today," I said a bit icily.

"I'll make sure she gets to wherever you two are going for lunch. I need to speak with her alone for a minute," Derek replied.

"Sure thing. Meredith, just meet us there when you're done," Richard spoke, then headed to his car with Adele.

Derek and I were heading to one of the conference rooms and once we were inside, I could tell he was upset.

"Excuse me, all I was doing was going out to lunch with Webber," I said. "You just embarrassed me in front of him and his wife!"

"Is your roommate Callie in love with you?" he accused me.

"Seriously? You would ask that? Of course not! Callie is like a sister to me!"

"Have you slept with her?"

By now I was angry. "Of course not! I only like men. What is wrong with you?!"

"But what are you to Callie, Meredith? I saw the photos you gave me. I can tell when someone's in love just by looking at the picture. And in that one, you and Callie look pretty cozy."

"You are nuts, you know that?" I walk out of the conference room and angrily walk away, flipping him off as I walked down out of the hospital and down the street to the place where I was supposed to meet Richard and Adele for lunch.

Derek caught up to me. "Callie has to know you're mine."

"Stop acting nuts."

"Right, so if that's the logic, then Rose should know you're mine."

"We should have been talking about this in the conference room, not here."

"Burke sent me the pictures that he got from your news anchor friend. You were having dinner with Rose!"

"I was out with a few people from the pediatrics and orthopedics departments and Rose happened to show up at the restaurant. I told her to go away."

"There was a picture of you smiling at her."

"I was smiling because I was thinking about you. I wanted nothing more than to come home to you and stay in bed. Don't cry, Meredith. I keep screwing things up. And I don't want to lose you."

"Tonight, we need to talk. If there are reporters around and they hear things about my past and publish them, my entire life might go down the drain. We need to remain private, Derek. Or we need to end things."

"Come over after work. We can talk then."

I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed me back.

"I'll see you tonight," I said, then walking towards the restaurant and finding Richard and Adele already sitting at a table.

* * *

After work that evening, I drove over to Derek's place and I found him drinking a beer. His face softened when he saw me and told me I should sit down.

"Want anything to drink?" he asked.

"I'm good," I said.

He sat his beer down on the coffee table. "So...you wanted to talk?"

"Yes. Here it goes. When I was 18, my mother met this man during the period that she was separated from my father. He worked in plastic surgery at the time. I don't know what he does for a living now."

"Okay…"

"When I was 19, she invited him over to the house for a weekend. My parents were working on getting a divorce at the time. When my mom was asleep that first night, he came into my room, closed the door behind him. It woke me from my sleep. I found him on top of me, and before I could do anything, he clamped a hand over my mouth and I felt his hands touch me for the first time..."

At that moment, Derek's face changed to a look of shock, then to one of anger. His knuckles turned white from gripping the chair tightly. "You said that this was the first time. How many times did he do this to you?"

"I lost count. He came over to the house all the time, even after my parents divorced. I think it stopped when I was 22 because I woke up one morning feeling sick and the doctors discovered that it was a staph infection. The doctors found evidence of tearing from fingernails. He made sure that I would never tell anyone, and he hid it from my mother. My mother ended up marrying him, all while never knowing the truth about what he did to me. I didn't press charges against him and my father covered up the case so that it would be hidden from everyone. The man who hurt me made sure that I would never tell a soul. I'm sorry, Derek. You had a right to know what happened in case the press finds out about this and leaks it. I didn't want to embarrass you."

"Embarrass me?" he said. "Embarrassment is not even an emotion I'm feeling right now. I'm angry, beyond angry. I'm hurting because of what he did to you. If the press were to find out what happened to you, I'd make sure that story was never posted. And I'm going to find the monster who did this to you, Meredith, and have them pay."

I looked him in the eyes and saw the pity, the shock that was there. But the look I wanted the most - the look of lust - wasn't there anymore and that's when I knew I had to go.


	9. Chapter IX

**A/N: Trigger warning from Chapter 8 applies to this chapter as well. Please don't hate me for the drama at the end and in future chapters.**

**Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER NINE

"Where are you going, Meredith?" he asked me.

"To my apartment. You need some time alone to digest this," I said.

"No, I don't. I need you. Don't leave me alone."

I stripped off my clothes. "That look of lust you've had since day one, it has disappeared. The look of lust you give me, it's not there. That look of lust gives me hope that I'm able to have a normal intimate life after my ugly past. You haven't been able to get enough of me and now you don't seem to want me."

"Is this good enough for you?"

He pulled off his pants to reveal how hard he was, and I stepped forward and kissed him. He kissed me back and then we fell back onto the couch.

I was panting hard when his tongue started licking me in my favorite place, and even though I wasn't even fully ready yet, I needed him in me.

"Please, Derek. I need you. Don't stop," I said as he pushed himself inside me. There was a slight burning feeling since I wasn't fully ready yet, but I didn't care. The burning felt a little pleasurable to me and I just needed him to erase the nightmare that was my past.

"Meredith...Meredith…" he whispered in my ear. "Mine."

"Yours."

He emptied himself inside me and then said, "I'm always in the mood for you. You make me hard all the time. I will always want you. Please don't cry. You have me."

Afterwards, we cuddled in his bed until we fell asleep.

* * *

"No, please! Stop it! I don't want it!"

Those words immediately woke me from my sleep. I turned over and saw Derek thrashing around in his sleep.

"Derek! Derek, you're having a nightmare!" I said.

But my voice did nothing. I pulled the blankets back...and found him playing with himself, in his sleep. And he didn't seem to be aware that I was next to him. I smacked his shoulder hard and that seemed to get him out of his nightmare. He shook his head and looked over at me, slightly confused. He wasn't playing with himself anymore and looked as though he had no recollection of what had just happened.

"Meredith?" he asked me, clearly confused. "What happened?" He looked down and saw that he was hard, then his face turned red with embarrassment and shame.

"You were having a nightmare. What was happening in the dream?" I questioned.

"I...I don't know."

I wasn't buying it. "You're lying. Something's bothering you. What was it?"

"It was a nightmare. People have them all the time."

I got out of bed and headed over to the other side of the room, grabbing my things. "Screw you, then."

"Why are you acting like this?"

"I'm mad at you because you're lying."

"Meredith, come on."

"No! I'm done! You think it was easy telling you about my past, how ugly it was? It wasn't easy. But you're lying to me, and I don't do well with lying."

I grabbed my things and left the house. In a hurry, I accidentally left my keys on the kitchen counter and ran straight past my car, which was still parked in his driveway. I called a taxi to drive me home and when I did, I knocked on the door and Callie opened it. Another woman was in the house as well, and she was just leaving.

"You okay?" Callie asked after the woman left. I stepped inside and told her I wasn't. "By the way, Derek called. He found your keys on his kitchen counter and wanted to make sure I'd let you in."

I sent a message to Derek, telling him I was home safe and that I hoped he would sleep fine, then turned off my phone.

"Who was the woman?" I questioned.

"Just some other Tinder date. After I slept with her, I realized that I was in love with Arizona. But anyway, when Derek called, he sounded really upset. You want to talk about it?"

"I told him about my past. He ended up having a nightmare, a really bad one, and then lied about it. I packed up my things and left."

"I'm guessing he didn't take things well?"

"I thought he did, but I guess he didn't."

"You seem to be doing fine, though. Are you really okay?"

"I will be, probably. I want to be with him...but I don't know if I can deal with him lying about things."

"I think you just need a good night's sleep. How about you go sleep and we can start fresh in the morning?"

"Good idea."

I headed off to my bedroom and fell asleep pretty quickly.

* * *

Callie ended up driving me to work that day because my car was still at Derek's place. When I arrived at work, I immediately dove into the case files and noticed after about an hour that my phone never buzzed with notifications. Derek had not contacted me at all today. There were no emails, no text messages, no calls, no nothing.

I felt upset that he didn't contact me. I thought he would have wanted to. My phone did buzz a while later. I didn't recognize the number.

_\- Hi, Meredith! This is Carolyn Shepherd, Derek's mother. Could you give me a call when you get a chance?_

I wondered why his mother wanted to speak with me, so I dialed the number and waited for someone to answer.

"Hello?" a voice asked.

"Ms. Shepherd?" I questioned.

"Yes, this is she."

"It's Meredith."

"Hello, Meredith! It's so nice to finally hear your voice. Derek has talked about you and your roommate a lot. He says you're a wonderful woman. You should come to my house on Saturday. I'm throwing a dinner party. I don't know if Derek will show up, he almost never does. If you want to bring your roommate along, feel free to. I would love to have you both."

"Wow, Ms. Shepherd. Thank you so much for the offer. I would love to come. I'll ask my roommate about it when I get home from work today."

"Call me Carolyn, dear," she said. "I look forward to seeing you Saturday. My daughters are looking forward to it as well. I'll text you our address."

"Thank you, Carolyn."

"You're welcome."

The call ended and I was really curious as to why Derek's mother wanted to meet with me. But it couldn't hurt to go to her house and meet her. And I hoped that Callie would be free as well.

About an hour later, I heard a knock on the door and looked up to see Richard standing there with an envelope in his hand.

"Doctor Webber," I said. "What can I do for you?"

"Doctor Shepherd asked me to give this to you. He looked really upset as he handed me the envelope. It's none of my business, but I think you two need to work out whatever is bothering you both. If it becomes too much of a problem, I'm going to have to talk to the both of you. Just...please work out whatever the issue is."

He set the envelope on my desk and left my office. I opened it and saw that the object inside was my keys. There was also a small note inside as well.

_\- Thank you so much for everything, Meredith._

_Sincerely, Derek_


	10. Chapter X

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TEN

My emotions were running wild and I had no idea how to feel in that moment. I figured that this was the end of us, but for how long, I didn't know. I don't know why he had to give me back my keys now instead of waiting until the end of the workday.

I took a taxi home and when I was alone in my room, I saw that my father was calling on my old cell phone, the one that had a tracking device on it.

"Hello?" I said.

"How could you?" I heard my father's angry voice on the end.

"What'd I do now?"

"You told Derek Shepherd about your past."

"How did you…?"

"He called your therapist and wanted to set himself up as a patient. Only survivors of sexual assault, sexual abuse, etc, set up appointments with your therapist. He must have gone through some kind of trauma himself, but he also wanted to find out information about what that man did to you."

"Dad, come on…"

"You never told any of your other boyfriends what happened to you. Why him?"

"He's different than the others. He's a highly respected attending."

"I'm calling your therapist and we'll have a video call."

The call ended and there was a video call notification. I answered it and saw the faces of my therapist and my father.

I explained to my therapist that my dad constantly tracked my phone, while my father said I was telling Derek everything.

"Mr. Grey, why didn't you mention before that you tracked your daughter's phone?" the therapist asked.

"There's no harm in it. Parents track their children's phones," my dad said.

"Children meaning anyone who's under 18. I'm 27, for goodness sakes!" I exclaimed in anger.

"I do have one question. Can two abuse survivors have a healthy romantic relationship?"

"Absolutely, yes," my therapist said.

My dad was told that he needed to respect my personal space and that the tracking device needed to be removed. When the phone call ended, I heard the front door open and Callie stepped inside, holding a couple bags of groceries.

"Hey," she said. "How was your day?"

"Not great," I replied. "I was stuck on a phone call with my therapist and my dad, and I got dumped."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. A note card was all he sent along with my keys."

"Well, I really don't know what to say. Honestly, I had hoped you two would have worked out. You both seem to fit each other. He's probably got some dark secret that he's hiding."

"He's a survivor of some sort of sexual abuse. Just like me."

"Oh crap. That's terrible."

* * *

It was now Friday and Derek still hadn't called.

I felt guilty yelling at him and I wondered where we could have ended up if I hadn't done it.

But at least things were going well at the hospital and I was very much enjoying my job. Richard gave me a raise and he, Adele, and I all went out to lunch. I started to hallucinate seeing Derek around town, and I swore that everywhere I looked, I'd see his car. I was trying to get over him, even though it had only been a couple days.

Before I knew it, the rest of the day and the next one raced by quickly and it was soon time to go to Carolyn's party. Callie was glad to have been invited and we drove over in her car.

* * *

When we arrived at the party, I saw that there were already a lot of people in the house. I didn't see any signs of Derek, and I was glad I didn't have to see him.

Carolyn walked over to me and gave me a hug. "Oh Meredith, it's so good to finally meet you. I'm so glad you came. And this must be your roommate?"

"Callie Torres. Nice to meet you, Ms. Shepherd," Callie said.

"You can call me Callie. Please, enjoy yourselves. There's refreshments in the kitchen and a bartender outside."

The DJ was playing some really good music, so Callie and I decided to go dancing, as well as a few other people. After dancing for about 20 minutes, I decided to go get a drink from outside and I saw Derek there. His blue eyes landed on me and he looked angry.

He walked over to me. "What are you doing here?"

"Why is it any of your business?" I asked.

"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you here at my mother's house." He walked over towards the garage and I followed him there. He shut the door behind us and decided to start talking again. "Meredith…"

"No. Get out. And as soon as you leave, I'll be doing the same thing," I said.

"I'm not done yet-"

"Well, I am! What gives you the right to talk to me that way? You think that I came here to spend time with you and then eventually have sex with you so that you'd win me back?"

"Meredith, shut up! Just listen to me-"

"I came here because your mother invited Callie and I here. I came to have a good time with my roommate. So you can go to the party and forget I was even here."

"Meredith, listen to me, please." I slapped him hard across the face. Before I could do anything else, he kissed me hard, and had backed me up against the hood of one of the cars in the garage.

He was roughly kissing me and I bit down on his tongue, hard enough that he could have started bleeding if I had gone even harder. But he kept kissing me and I felt my body betray me. Even though I was more than angry at him, I wanted him. I never stopped wanting him.

I cupped his face and kissed him back. His hands were reaching under my skirt and shoving my underwear aside.

"Please, Derek, let me go," I said. Even though I wanted sex, I did not want to keep dealing with him.

"Don't go, Meredith. I've been going crazy. I can't sleep. Can't work properly. Can't eat much either. If you left me because of what I was doing the other night…"

"No, it's not that, I promise. But you hurt me, Derek. You lied to me."

"I didn't want you to see me like that."

"I want to know everything about you, Derek. Everything. The good parts. The bad ones too. If you don't open up, then we're just gonna end up pushing each other further and further apart."

"I'm trying, Meredith. But every time I try to, you end up freaking out and running away. I'm afraid I'm going to end up saying the wrong thing and you'll bolt for good."

"We keep making each other miserable."

"I saw your therapist the other day. He agreed to take me as one of his patients, and if you're up for it, we can do couples therapy. I want to make this work, Meredith. I'll do anything, whatever you want. Just please take me back. I can't lose you."

I kissed him on the cheek where I had slapped him. "I don't want to lose you either, Derek."

He started kissing my neck and then got down on his knees. "I need you, Meredith, need to be inside you."

"Right now, in your parents' garage?"

I was cut off by the feeling of his mouth on me. I kept a firm grip on the car's hood, moaning as he continued eating me out. I felt myself getting so close and said his name as soon as I came.

He then kissed me passionately, keeping me close to him. I undid his pants just enough so that he could easily slide inside me. He started going faster, and I could already feel another orgasm building inside me.

"Yes, Derek, please, don't stop," I begged him.

I suddenly heard a noise and saw that the door to the garage opened and there was Rose. I looked over at her, then back over at Derek and continued kissing him. After I came and felt him do the same, I looked over at the door and saw that Rose had left and shut the door behind her.


	11. Chapter XI

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER ELEVEN

"I can't go too long without that," he said. "Please don't run away anymore, Meredith. I don't think I can take much more of that pain."

"I missed you too."

"Please come home with me."

"Callie came with me. I can't just leave her here."

"Then we might have to take her with us. I just don't want you here, Meredith."

"That really hurts a lot when you say that," I said. "Why don't you want me at your mother's place?"

"Meredith, no, it's not you. It's this house - it's been what has been haunting my dreams. It's why I can't be here. It's where...you know…" He started to cry.

"I'll be here, Derek. I'll be your safe place." I hugged him tightly and it was able to calm him down.

"And I'll be yours."

* * *

I found Callie enjoying some food from the refreshments table and told her that Derek and I were going to his place and that I would be back tomorrow morning. Callie said she would be leaving soon, but was going to enjoy some more food first.

Derek and I ended up falling asleep very quickly when we arrived at his place. Sleeping in his arms felt so good, and I didn't want to leave.

Sometime after one AM, I woke up feeling warm. I felt an aching desire between my legs growing. I knew that I was very horny, but I didn't know why.

I wondered if I had been dreaming about something erotic or if it was because Derek was sound asleep next to me. I started kissing his neck and nibbling softly on his ear. He moaned in his sleep and then awoke.

He turned to look at me and rolled me underneath him. My body was so desperate for release that I thought I might cum just from being touched.

Derek put his fingers on the waistband of my lace panties and pulled them off me, leaving me in only my bra. He ran a finger between my folds and kept avoiding the spots that needed his touch the most.

"Please," I begged. "I need you."

"You need to be ready first, and I can tell you're not," he said. "Keep your hands on the pillow and don't let go of it."

"I've been ready since the moment I woke up." His finger teased me, and I was left squirming. "Please!"

He buried his tongue inside me and I couldn't help but scream in pleasure. I knew that I was going to come soon, and I needed the release.

"Don't cum yet, Meredith," he said.

"Please, Derek, it feels too good, I need to," I replied.

He continued to tease me with his tongue and I tried to hold back, but an orgasm came over me and I came hard.

"You came before I told you to. I guess we'll have to try that again." He slid himself inside me, then hit my sensitive spots with his dick and nearly made me cum right away. "Meredith…"

"Derek, it feels so good. Please, more."

It wasn't long before he came inside me and I had another orgasm. By now, my body was tired and I wanted to sleep again. Derek seemed to feel the same way because after we kissed, he started yawning.

* * *

Derek ended up coming over for dinner that night and we ordered Panda Express. Callie decided to join us as well and she brought over a bottle of wine.

After eating for a while, there was a knock on the door and I felt slightly hopeful.

"Maybe it's Arizona," I said. Callie and Arizona hadn't really been speaking to one another for a few days now and I've been trying to figure out why.

But when the door opened, there was a different blonde woman standing outside. I was somewhat confused. Callie let the blonde enter and the other woman flashed a smile at Derek.

"Erica Hahn," the blonde said, extending her hand.

"Meredith's boyfriend," Derek replied, shaking her hand.

I looked over at Callie, still confused at what was going on. Callie and Erica left for her room, leaving Derek and I alone in the living room. We made a dash for my room, closing the door behind me.

"Derek…" I said, inviting him on the bed.

That was all I needed to say, and we made tender, sweet love on my bed. We ended up dozing off and when I woke up, I realized that I had been pinned to the bed. Derek was on top of me, a glazed-over look in his eyes. I knew immediately that something wasn't right.

I heard the world 'slut' said into my ear and I started to panic. I felt my attacker's hands on me again, his fingers pushing my legs apart and trying to get inside me. I was trying to push my legs together to prevent him from hurting me.

"Stop! Get off me. HELP!" I screamed, hoping that Callie or someone else would hear me. I know that Derek would never hurt me, but now I didn't know what to think.

"You're going to enjoy this, no matter how much it hurts you," Derek said into my ear.

"Please, no...stop…" I begged. I felt like I was losing a battle against him, and I screamed as loud as I could.

All of a sudden, the light was turned on and I saw Callie punch Derek across the face, and it was enough to get him to snap out of the glazed over look.

Derek was against the wall, curled in the fetal position, sweating and panicking.

"Take one step towards her and I'll punch you across the face again and have the cops show up," Callie threatened. She looked at me. "Are you okay, Meredith?"

"I'm okay," I said. I looked over at Derek. "He's having a flashback. He's having an episode of PTSD."

"And I thought I was screwed up," Callie continued. "I'm gonna set out some blankets and pillows for him to sleep in the living room. He shouldn't go home alone tonight. But you should lock your door in case he tries to attack you again."

"What happened with Erica? Is she still here?"

"You kidding? We just have sex and then she leaves."

"What happened between you and Arizona?"

"I love Arizona, but I haven't been able to tell her yet." Callie then left the room.

I saw that Derek was out of his flashback and was scrambling to get away from me every time I tried to get close.

"What are you doing?" I said.

"I can't stay. I attacked you and almost made you a victim again," he replied.

"You cannot let your past win. I refuse to let mine win."

"I hurt you, Meredith. If Callie hadn't been here…"

"But she was."

"I can't stay, Meredith. I need to go home."

I paused for only a second before speaking again.

"I love you, Derek Shepherd."


	12. Chapter XII

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWELVE

"You can't love me, Meredith. I'm so broken and screwed up," he said.

"I'm broken and screwed up too. Callie's got some of her own issues."

"I can't hurt you like that again. I'd never forgive myself if I did."

"I love you, Derek. You don't have to say it back, but I want you to know how I feel for you."

He kissed me softly. "Forgive me, Meredith. I can't lose you. I just can't."

"You couldn't lose me, no matter what."

He kissed me again, and I deepened it. The kissing turned to making out and his hands immediately went for my breasts. Even though I wanted him to touch me there, the fresh memories came back to me and I knew that I wasn't ready for sex right now.

"No, please don't," I said. He immediately pulled his hands away. "Just hold me. Please."

We cuddled on the floor for a bit and that was all the intimacy we needed. But the floor started to become uncomfortable, so we moved to the bed and fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of night wanting sex, wanting to forget what had happened between us earlier. Derek looked so peaceful when he slept, but I could tell that he was still hurting.

I started stroking his dick, which woke him up almost immediately. I got on top of him, kissing him gently.

"Make me...us...forget. Please," I said.

"Meredith…" was all he could reply. He kissed me back and then entered me. All I wanted in that moment was him. I could feel the emotional connection between us growing again.

"I love you, Derek. I love you."

"Please…" he begged me.

"I love you."

I kissed him again as we made love.

* * *

When I arrived home from work that evening, I found a woman standing outside the apartment. I thought she might be familiar, but I wasn't quite sure.

"Hello?" I asked. The woman turned around and I recognized her immediately because I had seen pictures of her on Callie's phone. "Oh, hi Arizona. What's up?"

"Hi Meredith," Arizona said. "It's about Callie. I just know something isn't right. She just seems off lately."

I suddenly remembered Erica Hahn and knew that it wasn't my place to say anything. But I knew that if Arizona found out, then she would be crushed.

"I think Callie's home right now, how about you go talk to her?" I said, unlocking the door and letting her enter.

Arizona walked down the hall and I was prepared to go take a shower when I suddenly heard yelling coming from Callie's room. I saw Erica walking out into the living room, pulling her dress down and grabbing her purse. She grinned at me.

"See you," Erica said, leaving the house. I saw Arizona looking extremely angry, as did Callie.

"It is not what you think," my roommate shouted.

"Screw you, Callie. You promised me!" Arizona snapped.

"You are blowing all of this out of proportion!" Callie flipped me off after I glared at her.

I decided that Callie and Arizona needed to be alone, so I went to take a shower. When I came out about 20 minutes later, Arizona was nowhere to be seen and Callie was already drinking wine straight out of the bottle.

"Screwing someone else isn't going to help your relationship at all," I said, going to the fridge and pulling out some pasta leftovers to heat up in the microwave.

"Just shut up, Meredith," Callie replied.

"I'm sure Arizona's hating herself right about now."

"Shut up!"

"Whatever."

"I can just feel the judgement you're giving me," Callie continued. "She wouldn't be so mad if she caught me sleeping with a man."

"It's all Arizona's fault, isn't it? You won't take the blame for something you did?"

"Well, your love life isn't going so great either."

"Nice job going there, Callie. I won't be a punching bag. You screwed up with Arizona. That's entirely your fault."

"Sure thing, Meredith, but you're just sleeping around with a man who's probably gonna end up assaulting you someday." By now I was furious. "If you want to make excuses for that man who attacked you right after sleeping with you, I guess you're going to make excuses for other people who are alcoholics and drug addicts." Callie poured me a glass of wine and handed it to me. "I know that you love him. And you want to help him out. But he is a ticking time bomb. Who knows what will happen then?"

I decided to change the subject. "Why did you hurt Arizona, Callie? Did you like screwing her over?"

Callie clinked her wineglass against mine. "Cheers to us, the seriously messed up people."

* * *

Derek ended up coming over for dinner and I felt slightly embarrassed that I was serving leftovers for dinner, but I was not in the mood to cook anything considering how awkward it was between Callie and I.

"Sorry that it isn't much," I said. "I'll be really surprised if Callie even comes out at all."

"It's fine," he replied, kissing me softly. "Listen, there's another attendings event coming up tomorrow. I know it's last minute, and I feel bad about the last one. Why don't you come join me at that?"

"Sure. I'll come along."

He kissed me again and after we ate dinner, we ended up just watching TV in my bedroom until we fell asleep. The next morning, I was awakened by my boyfriend preparing to enter me. It was now my new favorite way to wake up.

"Frisky much?" I ask, then kissing him.

"If mornings involve waking up next to you, then yes."

* * *

Derek and I were actually given the day off work by Richard so we spent the day making love, eating, and just spending time together. When evening came around, we both got dressed for the attendings event. I wore a glittered, light brown, floor-length dress and I could tell that he couldn't stop staring at me.

"I changed my mind about that dress," he said. "I might have to pull you aside later."

I just smirked at him and we headed out to the hospital limo, which drove us to the event.

* * *

When we got there, Derek and I stayed close together and I felt a slight surge of anger when I saw Rose show up. She was walking next to another woman, who had flawless looking skin, blue eyes, and was a redhead. It had been flat-ironed straight and she was wearing a sleeveless, knee-length blue dress.

"Hello, Rose," I said to the blonde. Derek looked over at the other woman and smiled at her, giving her a hug. I was confused as to what their relationship was.

"Meredith, this is Addison Montgomery. She's an old friend of mine," he told me. "Can you give me a minute? I'll be right back."

Derek and Addison walked over to the refreshment table and I saw him laugh after she said something to him.

"I guess you don't know about Addison, do you?" Rose said to me.

"No, I don't," I replied.

"She and Derek used to date a while back. They were engaged at one point, but they broke up and now she's married to some other guy who's name I don't know."

In that moment, I felt so stupid. Derek, engaged to someone else at one time? How could I have not known any better?

"You love Derek," Rose continued. "I'm sorry for what I said before."

"I'm sure you do too, and at our first meeting, I wasn't. Not yet, that is," I said.

"You look a little pale, Meredith. You should probably sit down."

"Good idea."

I took a seat on one of the bar-stools and hoped that the dizzy feeling would go away. The shock of learning that Derek was once engaged to this Addison woman was making me feel jealous.

Addison and Derek walked back over to me.

"Babe, I have to go speak with Richard for a minute, but I'll be back," he said, kissing me on the cheek, then walking away over to where Chief Webber was.

Addison turned to me and spoke. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Meredith. Derek's told me a lot about you."

"Has he now?" I asked. "You two weren't gone that long."

"We talk almost every day. We're really close friends."

"Sure, and at one point, you were more than friends," Rose spoke up. Addison glared at her.

"Yes, he and I used to be involved, but that was a while ago. I'm happily married to my husband now," Addison said. "There's something you should know, Meredith. Derek has told me before just how special you are to him. He really wanted the two of us to meet. He was gonna talk at the last attendings event, but Richard spoke instead so that Derek and I could talk. He's never introduced a woman to me before that he was really into."

I felt my body tense up. I remembered that night pretty well: the sex in the limo, Rose showing up, drinking a couple of glasses, enjoying some delicious food. But I also remembered Derek excusing himself at one point to go talk to someone. I realized now that he had left me that night to go talk to her. To Addison Montgomery.


	13. Chapter XIII

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"I'm leaving," I said to Addison and Rose, then walking right past Derek and said to him. "You have the option to stay here or follow me."

"Seriously, Meredith, you are getting upset over something so small," he said.

"I don't call my exes, especially ones I was planning on marrying every day!"

I then left the party with my purse in hand and I saw that Derek had followed me, but Addison was nowhere to be seen. We both climbed into the back of the limo and I felt his breath on my ear, making me weak in the knees.

"I do things for you, Meredith," he said, nibbling on my ear. "You're like a drug. You're my obsession, my addiction. I can't live without you. And we're not going to worry about Addison."

"Derek, please," I replied, my voice almost cracking. "I need you."

I leaned back against him and he was on my neck right away, making me moan and I felt the wetness pool.

"I love it when you give yourself over to me, Meredith," he continued. He told me to turn around and face him. I did so, pulling my underwear to the side and undoing his zipper. "I need you more than my next breath."

We made love in the back of the limo, deepening the connection between us. When we finished, we straightened out our clothes and headed back to the party. Derek held hands with me the entire rest of the night and only ate dinner with one hand. There was a man that sat with us at the table and he was eyeing me up and down.

"Andrew DeLuca," he said, shaking my hand. "Surgical resident at Seattle Presyberterian. That's a very nice dress you have on."

"Thank you," I replied, then taking a sip of wine from my glass. Derek gripped my hand a little tighter after Andrew started talking.

"You know, Shepherd, I think she's going to start getting bored of you."

"DeLuca, walk away right now," Derek said to him.

"You were quite occupied with Addison Montgomery all evening that you didn't even notice me sit down at the table," Andrew continued. "Meredith? Shall we get going?"

"Meredith, no."

"He kind of does have a point, you were with Addison a lot tonight," I said.

"You don't have to listen to him," DeLuca answered.

"Let me go," I told my boyfriend harshly and he let me go as if I had just burned him. I excused myself from the table and grabbed my purse. "Excuse me."

I was planning on going to the bathroom to freshen up, but then I decided to head home because I needed to think about what was happening. I sent Derek a text.

_\- Headed home for the night. You can come over when you want to._

* * *

I caught a taxi home and when I stepped inside, I thought I was seeing things, but I realized I wasn't.

There was a foursome currently taking place and I slammed the door, hoping that would stop them from doing what they were doing. I saw Erica lying on the floor, with Callie eating her out, and another woman who I didn't recognize was currently having sex with an unfamiliar guy. They were both touching Callie and Erica.

I was very upset that I threw one of my heels in their direction, hitting the wall and startling them.

"Get out of my apartment!" I screamed at them.

"Is it really such a big deal?" Callie replied. "There's room for more, Meredith."

The man who had been in the foursome walked over to me. "That's it, sweetie. Come over and join us."

"Back away now," I said.

"Leave her alone," Callie replied.

I heard the door open and Derek stepped inside the apartment. He was temporarily stunned at the sight in front of him and became angry.

"Go to your room and continue there, Callie. Or go find another place to continue with your shenanigans," Derek spoke.

My roommate grabbed her bra and put it on, but forgetting her underwear. "You are not my mother, Meredith. You don't tell me what to do."

"Was screwing over Arizona with Erica a good idea, Callie?" I snapped.

"You know that this was not about Arizona!"

"Who's Arizona?" Erica asked.

"Callie's date she had been seeing a few times before she cheated on her with you," I said. And because I was still angry at Derek over Addison, I continued with, "You don't need to worry about my boyfriend. He likes redheads. Now, take this out of my apartment, Callie."

I kicked my other heel off and made my way down to the bathroom. I stripped off my clothes and climbed into the shower. I just let the water run over me, and I thought how angry I was at both Callie and Derek. I couldn't decide who I was more angry at.

"Meredith," I heard his voice say as he pulled back the shower curtain. I just turned away from him.

"Go home," I said. I then continued on with my normal shower routine.

"I'm not going anywhere after seeing what just happened. That man nearly touched you and then things would have gotten worse. Also, Callie seems to have gone insane."

"Callie wouldn't have let it happen. But I can't deal with the both of you at the same time; it's too much."

"I just heard the front door shut. Callie and her friends left. I guess you'll just be dealing with me, then."

"You're my priority?" I asked, scrubbing my hair with my favorite shampoo.

"That's my impression. You're my priority. We're supposed to be each other's priorities."

"We seemed to be up until tonight."

"Seriously? You're still going on about Addison? After I got your text, I barely said goodbye to her because I wanted to be with you." He stepped forward into the shower, still fully dressed, and kissed me. But I didn't kiss him back. "Why do you drive me crazy?"

"I have no idea what's going on between you and Andrew DeLuca, and I honestly don't care about it. But he did have a valid point. You barely paid any attention to me all evening."

"It is almost impossible to ignore you, Meredith. If there's anyone else in the room, you're the person I pay the most attention to."

"That's funny, because every time I was looking over at you, you were too busy looking at Addison."

"Seriously, Meredith, this is so dumb. You know exactly how I feel about you."

"Is that so? I know that you want and need me. But do you love Addison?" I ask.


	14. Chapter XIV

**A/N: Somewhat shorter chapter this time, but the next one will be longer.**

**Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"No, I don't. Is this what this is about? That you want me to tell you how I feel about you?"

"Leave my apartment. Please, Derek."

He shut off the water and was still standing there. "I love you, Meredith. I always have."

"I don't want your pity! If you cared about me, then you would know to leave!"

"I have been loved before - by Addison, Rose, and other women - but they never knew the full extent of my past. You're the only one who knows the full extent."

"Derek…"

"I think I fell in love with you the moment I first laid eyes on you in the hospital. The first time we made love, I knew that it was something more with you."

"You still left me that night for Addison! How could you do that to me, Derek?"

"I screwed up with Addison. You and I had just made love for the first time, and I did not have a clear head. I told her that I was busy and had been seeing someone. I heard her pain when she was talking and needed to deal with her in order to go forward with you. That's why I spoke to her."

"You still went to her, Derek."

"She was the first person I ever had sex with that I enjoyed. It was the first sexual experience I had in my life. But it was just sex with Addison. As hard and rough as we do it with each other, it's still making love."

"I feel only slightly better," I said.

"I guess we dated. We did other things as a couple. But I hit a low point in my life and I said yes when she proposed to me."

"She did the proposing?"

"Yes. But after a year, I didn't feel any closer to it. I could feel the connection between us going away and then we ended our relationship. She's happily married to some other guy now. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about her, Meredith. I'm really sorry about that."

He kissed me again and this time, I kissed him and we made out in the shower, turning the water back on and not caring that he was still dressed.

* * *

Derek ended up walking around my apartment in the nude since his clothes were drying. I was still upset over Addison, but I figured that eventually I would be able to get past it.

"Rose says you and Addison talk every day," I said to him.

"No, we actually don't. We maybe talk once or twice a month. I'm a very busy man," he replied, pulling me on top of him and kissing me.

"What are you going to do about Addison?"

"Have limited contact with her. Right now, she's having a difficult time in her life. I think it would be best if we slept at my place tonight. I do not want Callie bring any more intoxicated people home."

"Callie has been down a bad road before. I've been there when it happened," I replied.

"I know you want to help her out, and you will. But now, we both need a good night's sleep first."

"Thank you." I kissed him back.

"I do need you too."

"We need each other."

"I have something for you," he said. He pulled out my key ring, and at first, I was confused. But then I noticed a new key on there. "You now have a key to my place."

I kissed him again, then started to suck on his neck and the shell of his ear.

"Let's go to my place," he continued. We left my apartment and drove to his place. When we got inside, I set my keys and purse on the counter and he picked me up in his arms, holding me close to him. "I need you."

I just wrapped my arms around his neck and we fell onto his bed, just glad to be in each other's arms.


	15. Chapter XV

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I absolutely loved Seattle with everything I had.

There were so many new things to do, plus I had an amazing job and a great boss.

As I walked over to his closet, I looked over my shoulder at the sight of Derek sleeping peacefully on his bed. I needed to get ready for work, but if sex was on the table, then I'd be down for a quickie before I had to go. After dressing in my light blue scrubs, I found that Derek had gotten out of bed and I heard him talking. He sounded upset. I walked down the hall and found him in his office, on his cell phone.

"See you then, Chief," Derek said. He turned around and saw me in the doorway, biting my lip and eyeing him all over. I knew that we would need coffee for the workday, so I hurried down to the kitchen to turn the pot on, but I was pushed against the kitchen counter and felt his breath on my ear. I moaned when he nibbled on the shell and then licked it.

I constantly craved Derek, but it was more than lust. There was a deep connection with him that I hadn't felt with anyone else before.

If any other man had me backed against the kitchen counter, I would start panicking and have an anxiety attack.

But not Derek. I felt safe around him. He knew exactly what I needed and craved.

"Those scrubs…" he said. "Those darn light blue scrubs. They make me so hard for you." He then picked me up and set me on the counter and rubbed me through my lace underwear.

"Well, I have the same response when you wear your scrubs," I replied, kissing him deeply. He pulled off my underwear and tossed them behind him. He then undid his pants and slid himself inside me. "Derek, please."

"You have me, Meredith. Always."

We made love on the counter, then after we were done, he gave me back my underwear and told me to pack light because it was always humid in Florida.

* * *

"You have business in Florida?" I asked.

"Yep, unfortunately."

"Why do I have to pack?"

"Because you're coming with me, Meredith."

"What? You know that I can't just leave Callie after what happened last night. I'm gonna help take care of my best friend, and you're gonna go take care of business in Florida."

"I'll be gone till late Sunday evening."

I did not think that he was going to be gone that long. Most couples did not spend every waking minute together, but Derek and I weren't exactly normal. We had a lot of mental and emotional issues that made it difficult for us to spend too much time apart from one another.

"You don't like the idea of being apart for that long either," he continued. "If you have to, bring Callie on the trip with us. But I don't like leaving you alone for that long."

I knew exactly why Derek didn't want to leave me alone - it was because of _him_. The man who married my mother and assaulted me from the time I was 19 to when I was 22. Because of my public relationship with Derek, that man might come back into my life.

Derek looked at the clock on the stove. "Time to head to work, babe." He poured the both of us coffee and put them in travel mugs.

* * *

We took his car to the hospital and pulled the car over to a different part of the parking lot that didn't have many cars around. We had about 15 minutes before we had to be inside, so we climbed into the backseat, which had tinted windows.

"I can't believe your roommate screws up one night, and now I have to go away for an entire weekend," Derek said to me.

I straddled his waist and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"You're trying hard, Derek," I replied. "You're the one who made the suggestion that Callie comes with us. I appreciate it."

"I knew you were going to drive me crazy the moment I saw you for the first time."

"On my behind on the floor of the hospital?"

"Yes. The instant I saw you, I wanted you. You became a drug to me. You have no idea how many naughty fantasies went through my head that moment I saw you on the floor. I imagined you screaming my name as we had sex. In that moment."

He cupped my rear, squeezing it tightly. "After that first time, I started falling for you and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to let you go." His hands were now on my back. "But I had this feeling that you had an idea about my past. I've never gotten that feeling with anyone, ever."

He cupped my face and kissed me deeply, hands going for my breasts. Him barely even touching me made me weak and I realized I needed him right there, right now.

"Need you, babe," I said.

"Right now?" he asked. "You are naughty, Ms. Grey."

"Please."

"What have you done to me?"

"I should ask you the same thing."

I undid his pants enough to pull his dick out and he pushed my underwear aside.

"We need to make this quick," he said, burying himself inside me. "We don't want to be caught."

I rode his dick hard and fast, unable to keep quiet. It wasn't long before I could feel myself getting wetter, signalling that I was about to cum.

"Cum, Meredith. Cum for me, babe," he said, and I screamed his name as I came around him, and he followed behind shortly afterwards. Then his face seemed to turn sad. "I have this recurring nightmare that one day, I'm going to wake up and you're gone."

"Oh, Derek," I said. "No, babe, that's not going to happen. I'm not going anywhere." I kissed him deeply. Even though I wanted more sex, we needed to get going into work. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	16. Chapter XVI

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Derek and I shared a kiss before we shifted into our professional modes. We were careful to hide our romance in the hospital, with Richard and Adele aware that we were together. No one else at the hospital seemed to be aware of just how involved we were.

I stopped by Richard's office and he offered me a cup of coffee. I took a sip and was slightly grossed out by the taste.

"What is that taste?" I asked my boss.

"Apparently it's raspberry-flavored coffee," he answered.

"I like raspberries, and I like coffee, but not together."

"I think it's an interesting combination, but I did want to get other opinions on it."

"No problem, Sir."

I headed over to my locker and set out all my case files. I saw that my phone buzzed and there was a message from Callie on it.

_\- I am so sorry, Meredith._

"Callie Torres," I said to myself. "You might make me angry sometimes, but I still love you anyway."

Callie had made me incredibly angry. Finding a foursome in your living room was already bad enough, but I also had been fighting with Derek, having my night be even worse. I composed a message back to my roommate.

_\- Block off your weekend._

She responded back a few minutes later.

_\- I'm sure you're going to kick my butt hard._

I wanted to for what had happened. But I knew that Callie was always going to be a part of my life, no matter what. We were joined at the hip. I texted her again.

_\- Weekend in Florida?_

She responded with several happy face emojis and a message that said, _Absolutely! I haven't been to Florida in so long._

* * *

When lunchtime rolled around, I left the hospital to go get food. My cell rang and I saw that Callie was calling.

"Hello?" I asked.

"You're really serious about Florida?" she questioned.

"Yes. Derek's got some business down there. But he knows that we need to take care of our business, so we won't really be seeing each other for a couple of days."

"I'll start packing tonight."

"Sounds good."

* * *

After lunch was done, I headed back to the hospital and when I arrived, I saw a brunette woman waiting by the front desk and I recognized her right away.

"Rose," I said without any introduction. She turned to face me. I'd never forget how mean she was to me our first meeting. "Showing up at my work is a new low for you."

"Meredith, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute," she replied.

"I have one and then I have to get going."

"Derek wasn't ignoring you the night Addison showed up. I overheard a bit of their conversation. They shared an inside joke and then they talked about the best places to go out to eat with you. You thought he was ignoring you, so you left. After you did leave the party, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He barely even said goodbye to Addison because he wanted to go after you. He's never done with any of the women he's been with. You're special to him for some reason, Meredith. But anyway, I've taken up too much of your time. I just thought you should know."

"I appreciate it."

Rose turned around and left the hospital. I didn't know how to feel after seeing her, but my thoughts soon turned to ones of Derek. I pulled out my cell phone and composed a quick text message to my boyfriend, then deleted it.

_\- I think you need my warm mouth around your dick._

The sounds he made when I took him into my mouth, the moans he made when he was close, it turned me on greatly. I continued working for a while and when I saw that he was calling, I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Meredith," I heard his voice say. He sounded very turned on at that moment and I wondered if he was perhaps playing with himself in his office. "I need to hear those words you said in that text."

I walked over to a conference room and closed the door so that anyone who passed by wouldn't hear our conversation.

"Is that so, Doctor Shepherd?" I asked.

He groaned. "Oh, Meredith, say that again. That was so hot."

"Doctor Shepherd…" I said, lowering my voice. "I know you need me."

I could tell he was quite turned on. Someone knocked on the door, so I told him I would be right back. I opened the door and saw Doctor April Kepner standing outside.

"Hello, Doctor Kepner. What's up?" I said.

"I'm in town for the day, and I'm wanting to go out for a quick bite after work. Would you be willing to join me before I have to go back to the airport?" she asked me.

"Sounds good. I'll mark it in my calendar."

"See you then."

April then walked away and I was wondering what brought on her sudden invitation. Derek was still on the other end of the line, so I closed the door and returned to my desk to continue the conversation.

"I heard Doctor Kepner," he said. "Go have a bite with April, and then I'm yours. But throughout the afternoon, I'll be thinking about you, as well as that skilled mouth of yours." He blew me kisses, as did I. We said goodbye and I got right back into my work.

When the end of the workday rolled around, April was waiting outside my office and we headed out together. We ended up at a pizza place about two blocks away from Seattle Grace.

While we waited for the food to come, we talked for a while.

"So I heard that you have a thing going on with Derek Shepherd," April said. "I saw the pictures online a while ago. I'm happy for you, Meredith. But if he hurts you, just call me and I'll make sure he learns his lesson. But how is that thing with him going?"

"Umm…" I replied, smirking.

She smirked back at me. "That's a good answer. I always wondered how people high up in Seattle Grace are in bed. Tell me, how is he?"

"Fantastic."

"You're a very lucky woman."


	17. Chapter XVII

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

45 minutes and half a pizza later, I was feeling pretty good. It had been really nice getting to have some time with other people that weren't Callie or Derek. April and I made our way back to the hospital, then after we got back, she had to grab her bags and head to the airport.

She promised to keep in contact with me more often. She gave me a hug, then took a taxi to the airport and I was prepared to go see Derek. But when I stepped through the hospital's front doors, I felt my body turn to ice.

There was a red-haired woman who was straightening out her clothes and looking in her compact mirror. I snapped a picture from somewhat far away and saw that she was fixing her lipstick, which made it seem like it was messed up from kissing. I recognized her immediately as Addison Montgomery, and whenever I saw her, jealousy followed through my veins, knowing she and Derek had once been engaged.

Addison didn't seem to notice me because after she straightened out her lipstick, she ended up talking to Preston Burke, and she mentioned having a drink or two. My body continued to remain frozen in place, but I needed to go talk to my boyfriend and find out what happened.

* * *

I headed to Derek's office and found him inside, alone. His hair looked wet and he seemed like he was panting. I noticed that he was also wearing a different shirt than the one he had worn this morning.

He looked over at me. "Right now is not a good time. I have to go to a meeting. A last minute one."

"Why are you wearing a different shirt?" I asked.

"I spilled something on the other one."

But my gut told me that something still wasn't right.

"Why is your hair damp like you just took a shower?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" he questioned. "Now, I really need to get going to the meeting. It should only be an hour or so."

I ignored him and walked over to his desk, looking through the drawers. I opened the bottom one and found the shirt he had been wearing this morning, with a red stain on the sleeve that looked suspiciously like the lipstick Addison had been wearing.

"Meredith!" he snapped, closing the door. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Back away from me, Derek," I said. He came closer and I slapped him hard across the face, too angry to think of doing anything else.

"What is the matter with you?! What happened to you?"

"I saw her."

"Who?"

"Don't play stupid with me. You know who I'm talking about, Derek. Addison was here." I pulled out my phone and showed him the photo of her fixing her lipstick. "You're busted, Doctor Shepherd."

"Busted for what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Screw you!"

"So what if Addison was fixing her makeup? What exactly does that have to do with me?"

"Are you really being that stupid? I'm not spelling this out for you."

He stepped closer to me, but I didn't slap him this time. His eyes narrowed. "I'd never cheat on you. If I wanted to go screw around with other women - which I don't want to - then I would have asked to end things. You really think I'd cheat on you? Is that what you're thinking happened?"

"Explain to me why Addison was at the hospital. Why your hair is all wet and you're wearing a different shirt. To me, that looks like cheating."

"I haven't seen Addison since the party. I don't even know why she was here. At the party, I wanted to find her because I wanted to introduce you to her and have you not be jealous over her. Addison knows that I'm with you. She's married too."

"Too bad Rose blurted that out to me first before you said anything."

"I'm telling you my side of the story, Meredith."

"I saw Addison here. She was talking to Burke."

"Was she now?"

"Yes, she was. Can you explain that to me?"

"I cannot."

"Then get out of my way, Derek. I have work to do."

"Do you really believe that I slept with a married woman?"

"I have no idea what to believe."

I angrily grabbed my purse and left his office, heading to mine and slamming the door shut behind me. After ten minutes of silence, I figured that Derek hadn't followed me and was still in his office.

* * *

I spent the rest of the evening with patients - working overtime - only coming out to go eat a snack with the Chief and Adele. When it was about 7:30 in the evening, my desk phone rang and it was Derek calling.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello Meredith," he replied. "We have a couples therapy appointment in an hour. I'll pick you up when it's time to leave. See you then."

He ended the call, clearly still upset from our fight earlier.

I had completely forgotten that we had a couples therapy appointment, my mind was so distracted. But I also wondered if it would be the last couples therapy appointment.

* * *

When we got there, my therapist could tell there was tension between Derek and I, so he asked us to talk about it. Derek just sat there silently, so I decided to speak first.

"I found out recently that Derek had a fiancée that I didn't even know existed-" I began.

"She's my ex-fiancée," he snapped.

"I caught her today leaving my boyfriend's office fixing her clothes and lipstick." I then showed my therapist the picture I had taken.

"She was leaving the hospital building, not my office."

"His friend Preston Burke was talking to her and she mentioned having a drink or two."

"Burke was going to be meeting me for dinner tonight. He and I are best friends," Derek continued.

"Exactly. He's your best friend. He'd cover up for you."

"He was going to be driving me to the restaurant!"

"Where was that? I need to verify that you were there, and that she wasn't. Once that's done, we can move on from that part."


	18. Chapter XVIII

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

Derek was still angry. "I didn't make it to dinner. An unexpected meeting came up and I had to cancel my plans with Burke."

"Who was the meeting with?" I asked.

"It wasn't with Addison!"

"Sure it wasn't." I turned to my therapist. "After I saw Addison, I went to go find Derek, and I found his hair wet, and he was wearing a different shirt. The shirt he had been wearing this morning had a lipstick stain on it, and it looked similar to the stuff Addison was wearing."

"Let's back up a bit," my therapist said. "Derek, why didn't you tell Meredith about Addison?"

"I was going to tell her after the party," Derek answered. "But I didn't get to. I'm apologizing to her for everything. I never ask anything from her."

"Except honesty," I replied.

"I've never lied to you."

"Meredith has brought up the topic of infidelity," my therapist continued. "Infidelity can stem from a lack of physical intimacy in a relationship. How often are the two of you having sex?"

"Pretty much everyday. Sometimes even multiple times a day."

"Maybe the two of you should be abstinent-"

"Not happening. Our sex life is working just fine. I'm not keeping my hands off of her until I'm dead. Find some other way to fix our relationship."

* * *

"I need to sleep," I said after we left the therapist's office.

"You should come sleep with me in my bed," Derek replied.

"I need to be alone, Derek. I can only put up with so much crap for one day, and today was not a good day."

"I need you, Meredith. How long is it gonna take for you to believe that I didn't cheat?"

"Okay, here's what I think. I don't think you cheated on me. Even though there's evidence that says otherwise, I can't bring myself to think that you would cheat. But you keep secrets is becoming too much. I've given up a lot-"

"And you don't think that I am too? I've never put as much effort into a relationship, ever. You're the only woman who I've had a relationship with that I put all of my effort into."

"I'm not in the mood to fight. I'm exhausted and want to sleep…" I paused for a minute, then spoke again. "I just realized something. My period is supposed to be coming soon, so that would explain why I was extra moody and cranky today."

He pulled me close to him.

"I love you, Derek, but you can't keep doing what you're doing - keeping secrets from me. It's going to end up tearing us apart," I said.

"Then don't let it, love," he replied.

"Then you need to trust me with them."

"There's no one I trust more than you."

* * *

I awoke, feeling sweaty. I discovered that there was a hand over my mouth and I couldn't say anything. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe because I was panicking.

No! I don't want this! I heard myself wanting to say. I could feel the man's hands on me and I was powerless to stop him. I tried to claw at his face, wanting to draw blood. But I felt him on top of me, much heavier than my own weight.

"You're a nasty little slut who needs to be taught a lesson," he said harshly in my ear. "You're gonna like it whether you want it or not."

"MEREDITH, WAKE UP!" I suddenly heard a voice yell. I was still thrashing and flailing my arms around, trying to claw at the sheets and get them away from me. I ended up falling onto the floor because I thrashed so much and immediately, Derek was out of bed and pulling me close to him.

But my stomach was telling me that I was going to be sick. He helped me over to the toilet, lifted the seat up, and held me as I emptied my stomach contents into the bowl.

"Meredith, you okay?" I heard Callie say. I noticed that she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and Derek was dressed in a suit. "I was just out and ran into your boyfriend on the way up."

He was out again? I think. Another secret he's hiding from me.

"It's been a really long time since you had a bad dream," Callie continued. "You should recharge tonight. Get a good night's sleep. We'll go easy this weekend. You going to be okay?"

"I have her," Derek replied.

"Holler if you need me."

I could tell that Callie wasn't too happy with Derek sleeping over, but it was my decision to have him over.

"I need another shower, babe," I said to him. But first I wanted to brush my teeth to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth. After giving my mouth a quick brush, he helped me to strip off my clothes and then took off his own. We both stepped into the shower, letting the hot water cascade over us. I had taken a shower before bed, but having that nightmare about the man who hurt me, I felt dirty again and wanted to get clean.

"You doing any better?" he asked.

"Yes, because you're here," I replied.

"Were you dreaming about him?"

"Yes."

As the water continued to hit us, he held me close to him. "Don't cry, Meredith. He won't hurt you again. He'd have to go through me first, and I won't let that happen. What do you want me to do?"

"Make me feel clean."

He squeezed some shampoo into his hands and washed my hair, then washed me with my body scrub. As he washed me, memories of my past seemed to fade away. His touch seemed to be what helped the nightmares to go away.

"You're going to be just fine, Meredith," he continued. "No one will be able to touch you. They'd have to go through me first, and I won't let that happen as long as I live."

After he finished washing me, I saw him pleasuring himself and I bit my lip suggestively.

"Do you see something that you like or want?" he asked me. I smirked at him and I saw his eyes darken with lust. The look in his eyes told me that he wanted sex. Hard and rough sex. As he continued to pleasure himself, he looked over at me and I started touching myself as well.

"Please. I don't want to cum without you. I need you." He put two fingers inside me and curled them. I kissed him, cupping his face. Then I started riding his fingers, shaking with pleasure as he continued to touch himself. I ended up cumming hard around him, and he released into a towel on my stomach.


	19. Chapter XIX

**A/N: Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER NINETEEN

The next day, Callie and I boarded one of the hospital's jets and waited for Derek to come on board. My roommate just wanted to enjoy a few drinks and take a nap.

After her second glass of wine, she started to feel tired and fell asleep while listening to her music. After Callie was out cold, I got out of my seat and found Derek in an office on the plane, speaking to a woman via a satellite video call.

"Thank you for the information, Sydney," I heard Derek say from inside the office. "I will pass that along to the Chief when I land."

I entered the office, closed the door behind me, and then began stripping. Derek looked up from his computer and saw me standing over by the door. He continued listening to Sydney talk to him, but after he saw me removing my bra, he told her that they would talk later. Derek ended the video call and signaled for me to come over with his finger.

"Do I need to be worried?" I asked him as I sat down on his lap.

"You mean Sydney?" he replied.

"Yes, her."

"No, you don't. She and I do not have any romantic history. She is also married to a guy who used to work at Seattle Presbyerterian. Sydney Heron is a surgical resident and a friend of mine who I met when I had some business to take care of in Georgia several years ago."

"Please don't push me away," I continued. "I feel like you are."

"There's a lot of crap going on right now among the attendings, but you're always on my mind, Meredith."

"I just feel this distance between us growing."

"No, baby, there's no distance between us. I promise."

"Well, I would really like to join the mile high club, but it'll have to wait a week because I started my period last night."

"Okay. Well, we can still find other ways to have fun."

He set me down on the desk and started to rub my clit with his thumb. Being on my period made me more sensitive to stimulation, and I felt as though I would be able to cum quickly.

"Please," I begged softly, needing his fingers. He started to go slower, teasing me, driving me crazy. "Please, Derek, don't tease me."

He sped up his movements and then he kissed me as I rode out my orgasm, screaming into his mouth so that Callie and the pilots wouldn't hear me.

* * *

"This is just awesome," my roommate said a couple of hours later as we started unpacking our things at the hotel in Miami. The room was the most expensive one, and I started to wonder how exact Derek got the money to pay for himself, me, and Callie for just a few days. Derek was currently taking a shower while Callie and I hung up our clothes and put our socks and underwear in the drawers.

I decided that I wanted to take a dip in the pool and have a drink or two since I was technically on vacation. Callie ended up relaxing on a poolside lounger while I swam for a bit, then wrapped myself in a towel and walked over to the bar. I took a seat on a stool and told the bartender that I was still thinking about what I wanted to have.

"Let me buy you a drink, miss," I heard a voice say. I turned to the side and saw that a man had taken a seat at the barstool next to mine.

I didn't recognize the man at all and wondered who he was. The man just smiled.

"I'm William," he said, extending his hand.

I shook his hand. "Meredith."

"So, what brings you over to Miami at this time of the year?"

"Relaxing from my job. It can be stressful sometimes. What about you?"

"I'm currently on vacation."

I felt someone tap my shoulder and say my name.

"Ms. Grey, please come with me," the person said. On their blouse was the name tag with 'Reed Adamson - Seattle Pres' on it.

"I'm very comfortable where I am right now," I replied. I knew that Derek had sent her over here.

"I must insist."

I was really getting upset. It would be fun to just pull William into a kiss to send my boyfriend a message. But I couldn't really blame Reed because she was just doing as she was told. It was her boss who needed a talking to.

"I apologize," I continued. "It was nice to meet you, William."

"Nice to meet you too, Meredith," he said. I followed Reed back to the hotel room and when I stepped inside, I found Callie eating a slice of pizza.

"Ugh, I was having a good time down at the pool when it was ruined," I told my roommate. I explained who I thought Reed was and why I had to come back here. Callie just shook her head in disbelief.

* * *

My phone began to ring a few minutes later and I saw that my father was calling.

"Hello, Dad," I said.

"Hi, Meredith," he replied. "I have some time off from work, so I would be able to come out and see you in a couple of weeks if you'd like."

"I would love that a lot."

"I'm not coming to do a lot of sightseeing, since I'll only be in town for about three days."

"Don't worry, we'll still be able to do a lot of things together. And you'll be able to meet Derek, finally."

My dad paused for a minute, then spoke again. "Derek Shepherd? I thought things weren't serious between you two."

"There was a bad patch that happened, and I thought that we were gonna be over for good. But we managed to work on the problems and we've been doing okay since. It's been somewhat difficult, but we're putting in the effort to really make us work."

"I'll try to keep an open mind, Meredith. I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

After the call ended, I turned back to Callie and told her that my dad was coming to town soon for a few days. I told her that we would go down to the casino across the street very soon, but that I needed to get changed since I was still in my bikini.

Derek entered the room and his facial expression changed from serious to soft once he saw me. Callie said that she was going to head down to the lobby and grab a soda before she headed to the casino. She grabbed her purse and room key, then left.


	20. Chapter XX

**A/N: Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY

Derek and I were now alone in the room. He still hadn't talked to me about Reed and why I had to follow her.

"Hi," he said, walking over to me. Then he kissed me softly. "Are you on your time of the month?"

"Yeah, I just started today," I replied.

"Then I guess I'll just have to use your mouth instead."

I smirked at him. "Is that so, Doctor Shepherd?"

"Yes, absolutely."

He carried me over to the bed and I wrapped my legs around his waist. "I really missed you, even though you sometimes irritate me."

"You end up making me mad at times because you like to do things that you know will make me jealous."

"The guy at the bar just wanted to buy me a drink. He wasn't going to do anything."

"That was Doctor William Thorpe, Meredith. He tends to keep a low profile while on vacation."

Derek kissed me again, and I felt his hardness pressing into me. He thrust against my pelvis, stroking me through my swimsuit bottom with his fingers.

"Do you feel what you do to me, babe?" he continued.

"Why are you punishing me?" I asked.

"I'm not. I'm not even mad. But do you have any idea what you did to me when I found out what you had done?"

"And what was that?"

"I got an erection. I was lucky that no one noticed. I was in the middle of a conversation on video chat with Richard. When you challenge me or make me jealous, Meredith, I get hard immediately. And it makes me want to make you cum for days on end."

He kept rubbing me through my bottoms and I felt myself getting closer. My moans became louder as he sped up his movements.

"That's it, Meredith. Cum for me," he growled in my ear. I grabbed one of the pillows, put it over my mouth, and screamed into it as I came. "I think you should repay the favor."

He kissed me hard, then rolled us over so that I was on top of him. He pulled down his pants and underwear and I immediately grabbed his dick with my hand. He groaned in pleasure, but he begged me to use my mouth instead.

I smirked at him, then took him into my mouth and ran my tongue all over the length. I felt his fingers in my hair, pulling gently. As I continued licking him all over, I started to suck on the tip and I felt him tense up.

"Meredith, don't stop. Please," he begged softly. "I love it when you use your mouth like that. It's like you're addicted."

In reality, I was addicted to him. He was like a drug to me. His pleasure was special to me because he didn't really have a lot of experience with it. Too many people in his past had hurt him.

His moans became louder and he used his other hand to grip the bed sheets. I could tell he was close. Derek then started to talk dirty to me, telling me what he wanted to do the next time we had sex.

I felt him cum in my mouth, the warm liquid coating my tongue and throat. After I had swallowed, he pulled me up to his mouth and kissed me. Then he held me close to him in a loving embrace.

"So my father will be coming to Seattle in about two weeks for a few days," I said.

Derek grinned at me. "You couldn't wait till my pants were up to tell me that?"

I giggled and then kissed him.

* * *

When the new week rolled around, I settled into my normal work routine. I heard a knock on the conference room door and saw Richard standing in the doorway.

"Good morning, Doctor Webber," I said.

"Morning, Meredith. I'm ready to start whenever you are," Richard replied. He then did a once-over. "Did you get a tan?"

"I did, actually. Thanks for noticing. I went to Miami with Derek and Callie for the weekend."

"Adele always wants to do stuff. I sometimes rarely get time to myself since running the hospital will always be my top priority." We both started walking towards the break room to get some coffee. As we were filling our mugs, he spoke again. "I forgot to mention this to you before. Doctor Kepner is back in town and she got invited to this interns' gathering. She can bring two people as guests to this thing."

"When is it?"

"Soon, as far as I know. You'd have to ask her."

"I'll give her a call on my lunch break."

Richard and I finished filling up our mugs and as he headed to his office and I to the ER, my cell phone rang. It was my mother calling, and she was very upset.

I closed my office door and answered the call.

"Why didn't you tell me that you went off to Miami?" she asked.

"Well, hello to you too, Mom," I replied sarcastically. "I'm sorry that I didn't call. I'm at work currently. Karen and I needed some time to ourselves."

"We'll talk soon. I'm in Seattle for the day, so we can grab some lunch together." She ended the call and I felt a little irritated knowing that she had just shown up in town last minute without telling me.

* * *

My mother showed up outside the hospital within a half hour of her calling me and I gave her a hug when I saw her.

"Next time, will you please call me when you're in town?" I asked her. "Working at Seattle Grace takes a lot of my time."

"I will, I promise."

As we walked down the street towards the restaurants, I thought about my mother's second marriage. She still had no idea exactly what her husband did to me. I wanted her to know, but the records had been hidden and the case was closed. My mother would have not believed me at all, and she would have blamed me instead of divorcing her abusive husband. After we enjoyed lunch together, we headed back to Seattle Grace, but my mother stopped dead in her tracks and I nearly ran into her.

"Mom, are you okay?" I asked her. She said that she was, but I wasn't convinced. Something - or someone - was bothering her. It would drive me crazy until I found out who or what it was that had frightened her.


	21. Chapter XXI

**A/N: Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I woke up suddenly, feeling like I couldn't breathe. I felt a hand over my nose and mouth, and I tried to claw at whoever it was. The room was dark, so I couldn't see who was there. Because of the hand clamped over my mouth, I couldn't scream.

"MOM!" I tried to scream as loud as I could, but my cries were muffled by the hand. My stepfather's hand moved away from my nose, but it still covered my mouth. I wanted my mother to come and help me, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"You haven't felt anything, slut, but you will very soon. And you will enjoy every second of it," I heard a voice say.

My body tensed up and I nearly became paralyzed with fear. I could recognize that voice anywhere, no matter how soft or loud it was.

Derek.

_No, this couldn't be happening,_ I thought.

I knew him, knew that he was a survivor, just like me. But now, he was trying to hurt me, in the worst way possible. I often had nightmares about the abuse I had suffered, as did Derek.

However, when his nightmares happened, he wanted his attacker - whoever they were - to suffer the pain that he had gone through.

I remember the self-defense moves that I had been taught shortly after the case was closed, and I knew that I had no choice in this moment but to use them.

I punched the man I loved in the face and kneed him in the groin. He cried out in pain and fell off the bed onto the ground. I immediately made a mad dash for the bedroom door and knew I needed to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Meredith!" Derek cried out, but I didn't respond. I ran into the living room and found a quiet, dark corner. I sat down in the corner, not wanting to cry or make a sound. I heard him come into the living room. "Did I hurt you, Meredith? Please, talk to me."

The therapist had told us that there could be a point where Derek would suffer from a uncommon form of sleep sex because of the trauma that had been inflicted on him.

I stayed quiet and I heard him over in the kitchen. Then, the front door of the apartment opened and closed. I barely remember getting out of the corner and falling asleep on the couch.

* * *

I woke up to the feel of the sun on my skin, the light shining through the window. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was just after sunrise.

I became aware of Callie's cell phone ringing from her bedroom and I heard her answer the call. She made her way to the living room and looked shocked.

"Meredith, are you okay? Derek called me and said he had another nightmare. What happened?" Callie asked.

"Nothing," I replied. I was not in the mood to discuss what had happened.

"You look terrible, like you haven't slept well."

"I didn't sleep well last night."

"This has gone on way too long. You need to cut him off," Callie continued.

"I can't do that. I just can't. He has no one if I go."

"You don't need to save him. If he wants to be saved, that's up to him. It's not up to you."

"You don't understand, Callie. He is saving me from my pain."

* * *

I managed to pull myself off the couch 20 minutes later and made my way over to the kitchen. I saw that my apartment key - the extra one I had given to Derek - was on the counter. My heart nearly broke in two when I saw that.

I suddenly felt a huge wave of nausea hit me, and I threw up in the kitchen sink until nothing else came out of me. I cried as I threw up, feeling the pain rip through my stomach because all I was doing now was dry-heaving.

I was wondering how I was going to make through the rest of the day, knowing that Derek didn't have my key. I also knew that I would have to go to work and probably see him there.

I walked down to my bedroom and heard my phone buzz. There was a text from my boyfriend that said:

_\- Working from home today. Will be in tomorrow._

I didn't know what to think in that moment. I wanted to talk to him, apologize to him. But I didn't know if that was going to be the best idea. I texted him back.

_\- Will I see you soon, hopefully?_

I didn't hear a response for a few minutes, so I began to worry. But my fears turned to sadness when I saw his response.

_\- I really don't know, Meredith._

* * *

The rest of the day felt like torture.

It took a lot of my strength to drag myself to work. Richard and Adele noticed right away that I was in a bad mood and I saw Derek's friend Sydney come over to me. I snapped at her for being slow and Richard had to talk to me about yelling at coworkers. I later apologized to Sydney and told her that I was having a really crappy day and my emotions were running wild. She accepted my apology.

After work was done for the day, I decided to drive over to Derek's place and see if he was there. I braced myself for seeing him.

We already had one instance where he attacked me in my sleep, and it was terrible. He was so hurt by what had happened and it nearly broke him. I didn't even want to know what this time would do to him.

When I stepped inside his house, I could tell that he wasn't home and I began to wonder where he was. I tried to not let my worry get in the way and ended up taking a shower. Afterwards, I wore one of his shirts, and poured myself a glass of iced tea. I heard my phone rang and saw that Doctor Kepner was calling.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, Meredith. Is this a bad time?" April responded.

"No, it's not. I was just enjoying some iced tea. What's up?"

"I know that it's kind of last-minute notice, but would you like to go to an interns' party with me this Friday?"

"An interns' party?"

"I know it sounds kind of lame, but there's not that many people going because of when it is - too many people already had previous plans to join, but they wanted to come. Chief Webber and his wife are going to come as well. Maybe you and Derek would want to join?"

I was interrupted by my phone ringing again and I saw that Callie was calling. I'd call her later, so I let it go to voicemail.

"Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun," I said.

"Maybe we can grab something before the party?"

"It's a date."

At that moment, Derek walked in.


	22. Chapter XXII

**A/N: Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

April was still on the other end of the phone call, but I couldn't stop looking at my boyfriend.

His eyes were on mine, but it seemed as though he was looking straight through me.

"Derek just got home; I'll have to get back to you on those tickets," I said. "Bye."

"Bye," replied April. She ended the phone call and I focused my attention on him. I followed Derek out to the living room, where he was loosening his tie.

"Have you been here long?" he asked me, still showing any emotion.

"Only about 30 minutes," I replied. "I took a shower, got changed, and drank some iced tea."

"Have you eaten today at all?"

"No." I hadn't been able to eat anything today because I was really worried about him.

"There's a few restaurants close by. Order something from there. I'm going to go take a shower."

Even though fast food wasn't the best option, it was the closest to his house and I decided to go get two burgers. By the time I returned home with the food - 10 minutes later - Derek was still in the shower. My phone started ringing again and I saw that it was Callie, again. I answered the call.

"Hey, Callie," I said.

"Hey," she replied. "Where are you at? Derek came by, looking for you. I told him that he should go to hell."

"Callie." I paused for a minute. "I'm at his place. I went looking for him. He's in the shower."

"Are you planning to kick him out?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Maybe you should talk to your therapist about this before making any rash decisions?"

"I think I should do that."

My phone was suddenly taken from my hand as Derek said goodbye to Callie, ending the call.

He was clearly still upset from earlier.

"Who are you going out on a date with?" he asked.

"What? Oh, that. It was Doctor Kepner. She apparently got invited or something to an interns' party and she wanted to see if I wanted to go and bring you along." His face softened a bit and I wondered if he was less angry now. "I bought burgers from McDonald's. I know it's not the best choice, but I went with the restaurant closest to here."

He took one of the burgers and started eating it, then spoke after he swallowed a couple of bites.

"I went looking for you, Meredith. I thought you might have been at home, and then Callie was mad," he said.

"If you want me to break up with you, just say the words. I can take it."

He looked at me with sad eyes. "No, I can't do that."

"You left the key at my place. You have no idea what that did to me. It hurt me deeply, Derek."

"I…"

"You kind of just took the key to my apartment, but I never actually gave it to you." I gave him the extra copy of my apartment key. "If you leave my key on the counter like that again, we are done, for good. Do you understand what I'm saying, Derek?"

"I do understand. I understand it completely."

He closed his fingers around the key and I could see that he was crying.

"Please don't cry, love," I said. He kissed me softly, and I could feel his tears against my skin.

"I can't walk away," he replied. "I don't know how to."

"Then don't."

"I hurt you, Meredith. You deserve someone better than me-"

"Derek, stop it."

"I went to the therapist today and told him about last night. We do need to start sleeping in separate beds for a while. We need that for right now. But you should still spend a lot of time with Callie, and I'll do the same with Preston." He paused, then nearly started crying again. "When I heard you on the phone tonight, finding you here, I thought that you were moving on."

"It would take a long time to get over you, Derek. I don't want that."

He pulled me into a loving embrace and held me close. "I think this weekend we need some alone time together. Just us. We've hit a rough patch. But until then, I think we should sleep alone."

"I think I can work with that."

* * *

When Friday night rolled around, April, Richard, Adele, Derek, Callie, and I all arrived at one of the most luxurious hotels in Seattle. I had never been to an interns' party, so I was hoping to have a good time.

I saw the signs that said, 'Dandridge for Chief Resident in September' and began to panic.

Everyone knew what he had done, but the press didn't publish my name in the papers when the story was released.

Derek pulled me close to him and whispered in my ear, "You're going to be so sore within the next day."

I turned around and kissed him, not caring who saw us. Especially Dandridge. I wanted him to see what I had been up to. Nearly seven years ago, I would have given anything to sleep with him, for him to help heal my wounds.

But six months into our relationship, I found out that he was married and never bothered to tell me. I left him that day, ending our relationship. I felt even more disgusted with myself after that.

We stayed at the party for a while. After a couple of hours, I was beginning to feel tired, but I really wanted to get out of there and go see Derek.

We hadn't had much intimacy lately, and the effects were starting to get to me. I told my boyfriend that I needed a quick restroom break, but that we would go home afterwards. A couple of minutes later, I had just left the bathroom when I nearly bumped into Dandridge.


	23. Chapter XXIII

**A/N: Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

"Meredith."

I looked up and saw my former lover standing in front of me. I knew that I needed to get out of there and make my way back to Derek and Callie.

"Finn," I said politely. "Great party you had tonight. I'm happy that you are in the running for Chief Resident. But I really need to get going."

"I was hoping that I'd see you at one of these things. I had thought of many different ways that our meetings could have gone."

I was trying to figure out what to say after that. After a few seconds, I still didn't know what to say. So I walked past him, but he was following me.

"Why are you running away?" he asked me.

"I have nothing else to say to you," I replied.

"That's a bunch of crap and you know that. We had something going, Meredith."

"That was before I found out you had a wife and never told me. You have no idea what that did to me."

"That was almost six years ago. You were only 21. Now, you're 27 and have grown up even more."

"I don't want you. I have someone else now."

"You owe me an explanation for why you ran off."

"I don't have to-"

Then Finn kissed me. I didn't even register that it had happened and he had me in a tight grasp.

I wanted to get away, but even though he had betrayed me, I was always going to find him attractive. For a brief moment, I kissed him back.

But then, I heard the sound of him groan in pain. I opened my eyes and saw Derek slam his fist into Finn's face.

* * *

"SHEPHERD! Enough!" I heard Chief Webber say.

"Finn, you dick, what were you thinking?" Finn's colleague, Charles Percy, shouted.

Dandridge immediately was on Derek, nearly punching him in the face. The two men started fighting until Richard, Charles, and a few other male interns intervened and separated them both.

Charles lead Finn away from Derek, while my boyfriend shot me a look of fury. He walked past me without a word and told Burke that they were going home. I walked out with April, Richard, and Adele.

"I screwed up," I said to them. "I messed up so badly."

"I still had a good night," April replied. "Thanks for coming. I'll be leaving town tomorrow to go back home, but you need to talk to Derek sooner rather than later."

Kepner took a taxi to her hotel, while Richard and Adele drove me to Derek's house. They said that they would wait outside for a while in case something went wrong. Charles Percy was also going to remain with them and would come inside at any point if he was needed.

I used the key he had given me to step inside the house and found him angrily searching his kitchen for something to drink. When he saw me standing there, his eyes darkened with hatred.

"What is that guy to you, Meredith?" he said.

"He's no one. It was a mistake," I replied, feeling the tears fall.

"In your past or the present day?"

"Both times."

"Do you always go around kissing your mistakes?"

"No, Derek. I don't. It was one time, and I regret it. I want you. I love you."

"He's kissed you, Meredith. He's had sex with you, emptied himself in you." I was now cringing, not wanting to think of the sex life I once had. But now, all I could picture was Derek and Addison going at it. "He had your mouth tonight." I wiped away my tears and got down on my knees. He looked down at me. "What are you doing?"

"Please cum in my mouth," was all I could say.

He didn't seem too thrilled, but I saw him pull down his pants and underwear, allowing me to continue. I took him in my mouth, but he just stayed silent. It hurt me to hear him not moaning, begging me for more. I kept going until he came in my mouth, but he still didn't utter a sound. I wanted to keep sucking him off, continuing to make him cum, but he wasn't letting me. Because of my birth control, I managed to get my periods down to just two days, so we were able to have sex a lot more often.

Derek pulled me up to his mouth and cupped my face.

"Slide yourself on me," he ordered quietly as we settled down on the living room couch. I stripped off my clothes and sank down on him, rocking softly. He allowed me to kiss him softly, and then he spoke. "Why did you kiss Dandridge?"

"I really don't know," I said. He started to go faster, and I was enjoying the pleasure because we hadn't had sex for a while and my body was craving him. "You feel amazing, Derek. I only want you."

"You seemed to have forgotten that."

"I could never forget you, babe. Never."

"Why did you kiss that man?"

"I don't know!"

He changed his position, preventing me from cumming, and he knew I needed to. "Tell me why, Meredith!"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

He pulled out of me, flipped me onto my stomach, and teased my entrance with his dick. I was whimpering, needing the release.

"You knew that I would come to find you if you were gone too long. We were going to come home and be intimate. Tell me something, Meredith. Are you thinking about Dandridge now? Wishing his dick was inside you, making you cum?"

"Screw you, jerk," I snapped. "No, I'm not thinking about him."

"Why did you do it?" He pushed into me again, and I was still so much in pleasure.

"You deserved to know what it felt like."

He turned me over so that I was lying on my back and looking at him. He cupped my face and kissed me softly.

"Finally, the truth comes out," he said softly.

He started thrusting inside me again, making me cum very quickly. He came shortly afterwards. My body was starting to get sore from what we had been doing, but I didn't care. I needed the pleasure, the intimacy.

He pulled out of me and replaced his dick with two fingers, curling them against my g-spot and nearly making me cum right then and there. He knew where all of my sensitive spots were, the spots that brought me intense pleasure. I lost track of how many orgasms I had because he kept stimulating me, not giving me a break.

After what I thought was my 20th orgasm in the span of an hour, Derek pulled me close to him, holding me close. He kissed me, erasing my memory of the encounter between Finn and I.

"There is no one else for me. There will never be anyone else. It's only you, Meredith," Derek said. We ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

The next morning, Derek and I took a train to Vancouver, Washington. It was a place I had wanted to go to for a while now, and I'm really looking forward to spending some time in the city.

While taking a warm bath that first night, Derek told me of why he and Andrew DeLuca had issues. Derek had slept with Andrew's sister, Carina. Andrew had hated him ever since that night.

Derek wanted to know what my relationship with Finn Dandridge had been like. I explained to my boyfriend that I was unknowingly a mistress because Finn hadn't told me that he was married.

"Seeing you with Finn...it broke me. It shredded me from the inside out," Derek said. "To see you kissing another man, I didn't know what to think."

"It meant nothing. It was just a stupid kiss."

"To just give one away to another guy…"

He kissed me softly, sucking on my bottom lip. It became more passionate as he prodded my mouth with his tongue. I kissed him back, running my fingers through his hair.

His hands started to roam over my body as we continued to make out.


	24. Chapter XXIV

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Derek and I arrived back in Seattle on Sunday morning and I was looking forward to spending even more time with my boyfriend. We did sleep in separate beds at night, but during the day, we were constantly together. When we arrived at his house, his phone started ringing and he thought it might be a work emergency, so he answered it.

"Hello?" Derek asked. "WHAT. No way. Okay, we'll be over. Thank you." He turned to me. "That was Arizona. Callie's in the hospital."

"What…" I said, completely in shock. "When?"

"Shortly after the party."

I felt my stomach tighten into a knot, because Derek and I hadn't taken our cell phones with us when we went away for the weekend. We made our way to the hospital and when we reached Callie's room, I was in shock. If Derek hadn't been there, I probably would have passed out and fell on the floor.

The woman who was like a sister to me had a huge black eye, IV lines in her arm, and bandages on her head. She didn't look well at all.

"Callie," I said, immediately kneeling beside her bed and taking her hand. "I'm so sorry, I would have been here sooner, but I didn't take my phone with me."

"It's okay," she replied softly. "At least you're here now."

"What happened?"

"I have no idea. I got jumped with nunchucks." A nurse came into the room and changed the IV bags with a full one of morphine. After she left, Callie said that she wanted to talk to Derek and I about what happened. "After the party on Friday, Arizona was going to pick me up. We ended up grabbing drinks together. She decided to go shopping while I decided to go for a walk, and then someone hit me on the head from behind with nunchucks. I was almost unconscious that I didn't get a chance to fight back."

I wanted to cry because I was in pain hearing her story. I wanted to know who had put her in the hospital.

After visiting Callie, Derek said that he had some things he needed to take care of. He kissed me goodbye, and told me that he would see me tomorrow. I was a little worried, but I tried to put it aside, telling myself it was nothing. When I called him about dinner, he said that he didn't want anything. The worry started to come back after the phone call. I tried to distract myself that evening, continuing with it as I got ready for bed.

Sleep didn't come easy that night.

* * *

When I got to work the next morning, the uneasy feeling in my stomach returned. I didn't know why I was so worried, but the feeling just wouldn't go away.

An email from Preston Burke appeared in my inbox and when I clicked on it, I felt like I been punched in the gut.

A news article link had been sent to me with the headline, _**Love Triangle or Actual Cheater? Attending Neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd seen with ex-fiancée Addison Montgomery.**_

They were sitting at an Italian restaurant together, her hand on his forearm. I noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. It felt like torture, looking through all of those photos of them together. He was seen smiling in a few of them, looking like he was having a great time.

Meanwhile, his girlfriend was dealing with her roommate, who had been beaten and put in the hospital. I looked at the pictures' dates and hoped that they weren't recent. However, the photos had been taken yesterday evening.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to vomit. I realized that when I had called about dinner last night, he had already gone off with his ex. Before I could do anything more, I got a call from Burke saying that Finn Dandridge was in the hospital, wanting to talk to me.

I forward Burke's email to Derek, so that he knew that he had been caught. I then sent Preston a text saying that I would be right down.

* * *

I found Finn as soon as I got to the front desk. He smiled at me, and I could see that he had a black eye forming where Derek had punched him in the face.

"Hey," Finn said. "You look great."

"Hey," I replied. "And thanks. You look great too."

I was wearing my favorite black skinny jeans with a light pink blazer, while Finn wore a plain suit.

"I was having to go back to Boise after the party, but my flight got cancelled and I made one for this evening," he continued. "Have you eaten lunch yet?"

"No."

"Want to go grab a quick bite?"

I thought about it for a minute. I was very much still hurting over Derek ditching me for his ex, so I decided to show him how it felt by going out with my ex.

"Sure," I said.

We walked to Downtown and found a place to eat. We sat down and ordered some Mexican food.

"So…" Finn began. "You and Derek Shepherd are dating?"

"Yeah, we have, for a while now."

"You two pretty serious?"

"Sometimes it seems like that, while other times it doesn't." I paused for a minute before speaking again. "How about you? Are you and your wife still doing well?"

"We've decided to separate for the time being while we go to therapy together. But I don't know if I still love her. I think about you a lot, Meredith. When we were together, I felt something between us. I didn't want it to end."

"But it wasn't a really good relationship. It had been built on lies and deceit. You deceived me, Finn. If you had been single, I would have considered it. But you weren't single. At the time, I had a huge crush on you." The food was brought to our table and we continued talking. "I thought about being your girlfriend. I had thought about a future with you. But then I heard you bragging to your friends that you got to bang two women daily, one of whom wasn't your wife."

"I know I messed up, Meredith, but my wife and I were in the process of being divorced before you and I got together."

I didn't even finish the food because I was beginning to regret my decision in coming to the restaurant with Finn.

"I'm glad we got to talk things through, Finn," I said. "But now I need to get going."

"What if I don't want to move on, Meredith?" he continued. "I know that there's something still there. I felt it when we kissed on Friday."

"It was a mistake, Finn. I love Derek."

"I want another chance with you."

"Even if I wasn't with anyone and you were single, I'm not the right woman for you. You don't know me. I have a lot of baggage from my past. You wouldn't want to deal with it. I'm sorry, but I have to go."

I stood up and left the table, but he caught me by the elbow before I could leave.

"Give me a chance, Meredith. Please."

"Let go of me," I replied. He did what I said, and I grabbed my purse and left.

* * *

When I arrived at Seattle Grace, I sent Callie a text.

_\- Ended up having lunch with Finn. He wants another chance to date me._

Callie ended up texting back a few minutes later.

_\- The veterinarian and neurosurgeon? The love triangle continues._

I texted back.

_\- See you tonight?_

She replied instantly.

_\- See you then._

But before I could continue, I looked up from my phone to see Derek standing there, arms crossed. He looked very unhappy.

"We need to talk. Now," was all he said. We found an empty conference room and shut the door. "Your behavior is terrible today, you know that?"

"So is yours," I snapped. "Is sneaking around behind my back to see your ex your goal in life?"

"You should not be looking online for details about me. Meredith, please just trust me."

"Well, you're making it very difficult for me. Why didn't you tell me you were going to see Addison?"

"Because I knew that you'd throw a fit over it. You did the same thing today when you met up with Finn. I'd prefer that you'd eat lunch around or at the hospital instead of going around town. I've got a lot going on-"

"Like meeting up with your exes for dinner," I continued.

"Meredith, your roommate is still in the hospital, and I know that your father is coming to visit soon. Please just focus on those things for now. Trust me."

He left the conference room without kissing me.


	25. Chapter XXV

**A/N: ****Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

After work that night, I went to visit Callie. She was looking a bit better than she did before.

"You look like crap," I said to her.

"So do you. But I got hit with nunchucks. What excuse do you have?" Callie replied.

"Derek has barely been speaking to me together. When we went away for the weekend, he was perfectly fine. But now, it's like his personality changed."

"I'm probably not the best person to ask. He's got the answers."

"You're absolutely right. I'll be outside. Be right back."

I dialed his number and after the fourth ring, he finally picked up.

"Shepherd," he said, tersely.

"Hi, Derek," I replied.

I heard him sigh. "One moment." He answered shortly after - I could tell that he had moved rooms. "Is everything okay, Meredith?"

"No, it's not. I miss you."

"I can't talk right now," he continued.

"Why? I don't understand what's going on. Did I say or do something wrong? What did I do?"

I heard another voice and realized that he was talking to someone else - on another phone.

"Derek? Who does that voice belong to? Who's there with you?!"

"Love, get some sleep. I have to go."

The line went dead and I felt the tears fall. I walked back into Callie's room and she could tell that something wasn't right with me. I just sobbed into the bed-sheets.

* * *

I spent the entire night in the hospital, sleeping on a cot that Derek had arranged for me to have.

Callie did not have any family around, and she also didn't have many friends. I hardly slept because I was so upset at Derek. I ended up drinking two cups of coffee so that I'd be awake. I told Callie I was going to get some breakfast in the cafeteria, but would be back in about 20 minutes. I took my laptop with me, connected to Seattle Grace's wifi, and began to compose a letter on Word. I wanted Derek to know exactly how I felt.

I started the letter off by telling him thanks for the weekend we had spent together, how wonderful it had been. Then I wrote that I thought our relationship had been going in the right direction, but that something had happened that had caused us to have minimal communication. I was nearly done the letter when I heard a voice call my name. I looked up and saw Andrew DeLuca standing there.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"Not at all," I replied, saving my progress, then putting the computer into sleep mode. "What's up?"

"I've been visiting a friend here and I've seen you around a lot. There has to be a reason."

"My roommate is here."

"That's unfortunate. So I guess Derekt's been throwing his money around to have special arrangements made for you. You're grateful to him. But soon, he's going to get bored of you and leave you for someone else."

"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked.

"He hurt me in one of the worst ways possible."

"He slept with your sister."

"And you decide to be with him, when he slept with another man's sister? You look absolutely exhausted, like you're ready to give up. But this is all part of a game he plays. He is with someone for a while, then he can't stand to be around her."

DeLuca's last sentence seemed to stick with me, because that's how I had been feeling for the past day.

"I think he's a manipulator, a misogynist, and a liar," Andrew continued.

"You obviously don't know him then."

"You obviously don't, either."

Our conversation ended when his phone started ringing and he said he had to go. I decided not to finish the letter and returned to Callie's room with my breakfast. I stayed with her until it was time for me to head to work.

* * *

I had lunch with Richard and Adele, and it was nice having lunch with someone other than Derek. We all went out to Panda Express and ate lunch at the restaurant. When I returned to the hospital, my cell phone was buzzing. I answered it.

"Meredith, why can't you just follow orders?" I heard Derek's angry voice on the other end.

"I can do what I want," I replied.

"I don't have time to be worrying about you right now. There are other things going on right now that take precedence. I called to tell you that you won't need to sleep on the cot anymore. Callie will be back at the apartment this afternoon."

"Thank you," was all I could say. "Derek, are we done?"

I wondered if he even cared.

"Goodbye, Meredith," he said, ending the call, not answering the question.

* * *

After I got home from work, I found Callie resting in her bedroom, with a folder that contained orders from her doctor. I brought her some iced tea, then took a long, hot shower. When I crawled into bed that night, I pulled out my laptop and decided to continue the letter to Derek.

_I hate that you've made me this way. I hate that I have to spend my nights alone because you're with Addison all the time now. Even though you've been with her, I wish you were here. I want to know what has changed in you all of a sudden that you can barely be around me. I hate that I still love you after all of this - Meredith._

I wrote in the subject line, How I Feel, and then sent the email to Derek. I plugged my computer in to charge, then fell asleep.

* * *

"Don't be scared, love."

I recognized the voice right away and was surprised to see Derek climbing on my bed. He kissed my lips softly and my hands were immediately on his chest, going under his shirt and feeling his skin. It was soft, telling me that he had showered recently.

His mouth was on my neck, licking all the exposed skin as he made his way down to my chest. His fingers played with my slit, which was still covered by the lace panties I had been wearing.

"Meredith, my love, I've been so starved for you," he said, pulling down my underwear and immediately put his mouth on my aching slit.

My body immediately reacted and I was writhing in pleasure, having been longing for the feel of his mouth on me.

"Derek, please," I begged, feeling my orgasm coming on really quickly. He put two fingers inside me and made me cum hard. He then slid himself inside me and moaned at the feel of me around him.

"I've been so desperate for you."

"I've missed you."

We made love several times and we discussed the email I had sent. He said I needed to trust him, and that it was killing him that he could barely see me.

When I woke up in the morning to the sound of my alarm, I saw that Derek was gone. I had hoped that he would have stayed the whole night.

* * *

I went to work and did my normal routine, like any other day. My dad got a flight change to today, so I was looking for things to do with him. I called Derek and asked him if he was going to come over for dinner to meet my dad. Derek said that he would, also that he would be late to therapy, and then ended the call.


	26. Chapter XXVI

**A/N: Slightly shorter chapter.**

**Please review :)**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

I had an hour-and-a-half before my dad arrived in Seattle, so I decided to go to my weekly therapy appointment.

I explained to the therapist that Derek and I had been doing well up until a certain point, and that now, he barely spoke to me and wouldn't tell me what was going on.

"I suspect he could be cheating on me with Addison Montgomery," I said. "Derek told me she's married, but the other day, I saw pictures of them together, and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring."

The therapist typed up some notes based on what I had told her.

"Did you know that Derek didn't come to his session the other day?" she asked. "He didn't give me any indication. He just didn't show up."

"He didn't tell me either."

"What do you think is going to be the worst-case scenario between you two?"

"If this continues, where he doesn't tell me things, we're just going to drift apart and we'll be going back to our own lives. He'll just continue on with Addison and I'll just be continuing therapy for the rest of my life, it seems."

"Do you think you should end your relationship with him?"

"I don't know. It might be wise. But I don't know if I could bring myself to do it. Considering he stood both you and I up the other night, it makes me want to do it even more."

* * *

After the session ended, I found Reed standing beside her car, waiting for me.

"Thanks, Reed, but I'll just take my car," I said.

"Mr. Shepherd said I'm to take you home," she replied.

"You can tell Mr. Shepherd that I won't be needing the transportation services anymore, and also, tell him that he can go screw himself."

I walked over to my car, got in, and drove over to the airport to wait for my dad. When I saw him, I gave him a big hug and was very glad to see him.

* * *

I found Reed waiting outside my apartment in the morning and I nearly rolled my eyes.

Somehow, Derek had not gotten the message. I saw Reed again outside of the grocery store after I did my weekly shopping. I knew that she was just doing her job, but I didn't know why she was still around, since I had told her that I didn't need his transportation services.

That night, I entered the apartment to find my father and Derek talking in the kitchen. Callie was resting in her room. My dad decided to go and freshen up, leaving Derek and I alone. He pulled me close to him and I was trying very hard to not lean into him.

"Meredith," he said quietly.

"No, don't," I replied.

"We shouldn't pretend."

I didn't know if we were over, but I thought a break from each other was a good option.

Throughout dinner, I tried to keep my mind off of what was going on between Derek and I. There was a knock on the front door and I looked through the peephole to see two detectives standing outside.

I opened the door.

"Meredith Grey?" one of them asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

They introduced themselves, and said they needed to ask me a few questions.

"Ms. Grey, do you know a man named Harper Avery?" the first detective continued.

I felt my breathing quicken and my heart rate increased. Derek came over to me and had to hold me, otherwise, I would have passed out on the floor of my apartment.

"He's her stepfather," Derek said. "What's going on?"

"When was the last time you saw this man, Ms. Grey?"

_In a courtroom,_ I think. But I continued with, "It's been many years. What happened?"

"Harper Avery was found dead earlier this morning."

* * *

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At first, shock hit me, but then relief. To hear that my abuser was finally dead felt like a chapter in my life had closed. I decided to talk to the police alone, and I arranged to come in the next day.

When I sat down in the conference room, giving a statement, I felt sick to my stomach to learn that my stepfather had pictures of me in his apartment, multiple guns, and pictures and videos of Derek. Underneath the pictures was the statement: _He must go._

I felt like I was going to be sick again. My stepfather had been stalking me for quite some time, and it seemed like he was planning to kill my boyfriend.

* * *

After giving my statement to the police, I returned home to find my dad pouring himself a drink.

"Hey, are you doing okay?" he said.

"I guess so," I replied. "Are you okay?"

"I guess so too. While you were gone, I used your laptop to check my email. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't."

"I saw some pictures of you and Derek that looked promising. But then I saw something else. There's this woman, Addison."

"She's his ex-fiancée. What's this about?"

My dad pulled up a news article on his computer, and I felt like I was going to vomit again.

The article showed photos of Addison and Derek at an attendings event, and the pictures were recently taken.


	27. Chapter XXVII

**A/N: Lots of drama; please don't hate me. It'll get better soon.**

**Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I was so infuriated that I knew I needed to make a phone call. I went into my bedroom and dialed Derek.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hello," I said, with anger present in my tone.

"I don't really have time to talk right now."

"You can listen for one minute. Why were you with Addison at another event?"

"I…I can't answer that right now. But your stepfather sent me photos of him with you and I became sick to my stomach. I was so hurt and angry. I wish I had been there to stop him from hurting you."

"I think you are being a jerk for standing up the therapist to go to an event with Addison. If you think that's okay, it's not. I'm hurt and feeling betrayed by you. I think you should have told me we were over first before deciding to go and screw around with your ex."

"Meredith, seriously, I didn't-"

"And since you didn't say it, I will. We're done. We're over. Goodbye." I ended the phone call, anger coursing through my veins. Then sadness fell over me.

At that moment, I felt so alone.

* * *

My father left the next morning, and when he was gone, I fell into a deep depression. I barely was able to drag myself into work that day and I spent most of the day holed up in the conference room.

Adele invited me out to lunch, but I didn't want to go. Even though I knew being with people would help me out, I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Chief Webber decided to give me some paid time off because I needed to recover at home. I was thankful that I could just be at home, relaxing. I loved my job, but I needed some time away from the hospital.

The next few days dragged by slowly. I told the therapist on Wednesday that Derek and I would not be coming to couples counseling anymore because we had broken up. After making the phone call, I drove by his house and put his extra house key in an envelope in his mailbox.

Even just going by the house was painful. But I knew that I had made the right choice.

I felt like I had just broken free. With Harper dead, and Derek out of my life, I felt like I could do so many things. Callie was doing better, but she was still going to have to recover at home for a few more weeks. I wanted to go to the salon and have a makeover done.

"I want to become a new Meredith," I said to my roommate. "New hair and nails."

"I've been meaning to get my hair cut for a couple of weeks now," Callie replied. "Let's go do it. But don't make rash decisions. They could come back to haunt you at some point."

"I'm still getting it done."

* * *

New Meredith looked absolutely fantastic. My hair was dyed dark brown and I had my nails painted pastel green. I also got my makeup done at MAC and I loved the new look. I felt like a different person.

"Okay, I take back what I said earlier. Clearly your breakup did you a favor," Callie said after she saw my new look.

"I love the new me," I replied.

Callie and I spent the rest of the day together, hanging out and having a good time.

"I somehow managed to convince myself that Derek and I were going to be able to have it all," I continued. "I guess love is blind."

"I'm really sorry, Meredith. I really am. I wish I could fix it."

My phone rang, and I answered it, not looking at Caller ID. It was Derek's mother, and she was screaming at me that I had hurt her son.

"You can go to hell," Carolyn said after she was done ranting.

"Well, your son is already there," I replied. "He can stay there for all I care."

* * *

Old Meredith made a return the next morning.

Callie decided to go spend some time with Arizona. They had been communicating a lot since the accident. I was glad that they were deciding to see each other again.

Since I had the apartment to myself for a few hours, I did not bother to get out of my pajamas. I ordered pizza and watched TV for most of the day.

When evening rolled around, I cried myself to sleep over Derek. I missed him. I missed touching him, kissing him, sleeping next to him. My parents were both back at their respective houses, and Callie was still out with Arizona, so I felt incredibly lonely.

* * *

I went to work on Monday morning as New Meredith. I refused to let my past get in the way of me moving forward.

"You look really great, Meredith," Richard said to me when I brought him his morning coffee. "New hairstyle?"

"Thanks for noticing, Doctor Webber," I replied. "I decided to get it dyed."

Adele, Richard, and I all grabbed lunch together at the Italian place and as we all got back into the car, I saw Derek enter it as well. I immediately felt the awkwardness fill the air.

* * *

The entire car ride back to Seattle Grace was silent. Richard and Adele went inside first and I stepped out shortly after them. Derek followed me and I knew that I couldn't stick around too long or else, I was going to be tempted.

Derek just looked at me, sadness in his eyes. Even with that look, I felt my body become aroused. We were in the parking lot, and there currently weren't that many cars in the lot at the moment.

"Wait," I heard Derek say before I started to walk away. "It hurts me seeing you like this. You have no idea how much pain I'm in right now."

"Derek, please," I said. "I can't do this."

I walked away from the car and towards the hospital, needing to be away from him. My body, my soul missed him. But Addison was still in his life.

When I left work at the end of the day, I saw Reed waiting outside her car. I waved and she smiled back at me.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up some more Tylenol, and as I headed out to my car, I saw Derek with Addison. His hand was on her lower back, and they were walking towards his car.

It felt like I had been punched in the gut. Even though we were broken up, it still hurt to see him with her. I began to wonder if Addison was actually married or if Derek had lied to me about it.

* * *

Callie was on her computer in the living room when I got home.

"Everything okay?" she asked me.

"Not really," I replied. "Addison was with Derek again. I think they might be together."

"I thought she was married."

"I thought so too, but she hasn't been wearing her ring lately. What are you up to?"

"I found an interview that Finn Dandridge did yesterday and he gave a pretty shocking revelation."

"What'd he say?"

"He was asked if this Meredith person was real, and he answered that she was real. Also that he had reconnected with her and wants a second chance."

"No way," I said. "I don't want to be with him!"

"Look like you've got someone else lined up if Derek doesn't get his crap together."


	28. Chapter XXVIII

**A/N: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

I found Reed outside her car the next morning and decided that I needed to go pay Addison a visit. I asked Reed if she knew where Addison lived, and that I needed to go there. I was dropped off in front of the house.

I realized that Addison lived only a couple of blocks away from Derek, which couldn't be a coincidence. I knocked on the door and a few seconds later, she was standing in the doorway.

Addison's red hair had been curled and she was wearing a floor-length robe. Her face appeared to be flushed.

"Meredith," she replied, still not opening the door all the way. "What an unexpected surprise."

"I'm sorry that I came by without notice, but I need to talk to you. May I come in?"

Addison looked over her shoulder, then back at me. "I think that wouldn't be a good idea."

"I just need a minute of your time, that is all. Now, how do I say this…?" I paused, gathering my words. "You need to cut the crap, Addison." She appeared confused before I continued speaking. "Derek is not in love with you anymore, and he wouldn't screw around with you."

"Well, Derek isn't screwing around with you either, since he's over here all the time," Addison spoke up. "Does he know you came over here?"

"No, and you can tell him. I really don't care. I just want to know why you were at the hospital that day, with your lipstick all messed up. I found the exact same lipstick on Derek's shirt."

"If you think I slept with Derek then, you're crazy. I was having a few drinks with Preston Burke and Derek in his office and my lipstick got smudged."

"You cannot have Derek in the way you want to," I said. "He's hurting right now. Be his friend, not his sex buddy."

"We're not having sex, Meredith. I have a husband."

"Sure you do."

"I do."

I left and made my way towards my car when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Derek. He had ran over to me and nearly pinned me against the side of Reed's car.

"Meredith, what is going on?" he said.

"It's none of your business," I replied. "We're broken up, remember? I told you on the phone."

He kissed me right then and there, my hands going for his behind I had missed him so much.

"There is no end for us, Meredith," he continued.

"Please, Derek, just go. There was an end for us. I've just started to move on. I've got so much free time now that I dumped my boyfriend. You don't get to make this up with sex or a kiss. Not this time, Mr. Shepherd."

"It's been painful what I've gone through the last while. It's been torture not being able to be with you."

"You don't talk to me, that's the problem. You stopped talking to me."

"I never slept with Addison, if that's what you're mad at me for. Her husband works close by and he and I are very good friends."

"You hurt me, Derek. You hurt me by cutting me off."

"I can't lose you, Meredith. I will have nothing left if you go."

"I already left."

"Please, just hear me out."

I sighed, but decided to let him speak.

"After my father died, my mother decided to get therapy. I was out of control because I had no father figure in my life. Him leaving made me angry and lonely. The man my mother started seeing after my father left seemed nice at first. But as I got to spend more time alone with him, that was when the abuse started."

I felt my heart break at hearing how similar his story was to mine.

"Every time we were left alone," he continued. "He would touch me. I begged him to stop, but he wouldn't stop until he was satisfied."

"That was not your fault, Derek," I said. I kissed him softly. "I shouldn't have let you go. Please don't leave me."

"I want to marry you, Meredith." I was surprised by his confession and then kissed him again. "I love you."

I smiled. "Say that again, Meredith."

"I love you."

* * *

After work that evening, I saw one of the detectives who came to my apartment waiting for me. I wondered what she wanted.

We decided to sit in an empty conference room.

"I believe that your boyfriend killed Harper Avery, but I'll never have the evidence to prove it. Your boyfriend is smart, and he'd know how to get away with something like this," the detective said. "We did find the nunchucks used to attack your roommate in Harper's apartment with her blood on them."

I was shocked to hear that my stepfather was the one who attacked Callie and seriously injured her.

"Harper Avery died from a stab wound to the chest, and there were no cameras or witnesses around the time of death. We found the pictures and videos he had of you in his apartment. Harper had serious mental issues. He was planning to kill you and Derek. We don't know when Harper would have committed the crime, but he was planning to. My partner and I destroyed our notes and the case was closed. Everyone is glad that Mr. Avery is no longer with us."

I was in shock. I had no idea that Derek had done this, getting rid of the one person who ruined my life.

"He said that you had broken up with him last week. The day you called him, he was here, giving his alibi and statement. I'm telling you all this so that you can be with him," the detective continued. "You can finally live a normal life, Ms. Grey."

I thanked the detective, then made my way out of the hospital and over to Derek's house.

* * *

As soon as I knocked on the front door, he opened it and immediately took me in his arms. I told him that I had ran into one of the detectives and explained that the case was closed.

"I'd do anything for you, Meredith, even if that means I have to break the law," he said. He kissed me deeply, fingers in my hair, and holding me close to him.

"Where do we go from here, babe?" I asked.

"We'll find out, together."


	29. Chapter XXIX

**A/N: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

I was relaxing in Reed Adamson's car as I made my way back to my house. A long day at work and getting to relax with the man I loved was a perfect day for me.

Derek Shepherd. Just thinking of his name made me want him. When I met him for the first time - on my behind on the floor of Seattle Grace - there was something about him that drew me in.

The information I had received from the police department no more than a few hours ago had changed my life. Derek had killed my stepfather, the man who abused me for years, and who had been stalking me for a while.

When I arrived in front of my house, I saw a woman with long blonde hair and wearing an orange dress walking over to me.

"Meredith," I heard her say.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Izzie Stevens." She extended her hand. "I'm a freelance reporter and I've been working on an interesting story in my free. I just had a few questions I wanted to ask you."

"No offense, but I really don't want to talk to any reporters."

"Not even when it comes to Derek Shepherd?"

"No, I would never talk about him to reporters." It had still been a shock to me that he had left me to reconnect with his ex, Addison.

"I can keep you as an anonymous person, not mentioning your name at all."

"You really want to go down that road?"

"Are you afraid of Mr. Shepherd, Meredith?"

"I will not answer your questions."

"Soon, you're gonna realize that he got back with Addison Montgomery to spite you. Here's my card. Call me when you want to talk." Izzie gave me her card, then walked down the street to her car.

I made my way inside the apartment and found Callie already fast asleep. I settled for a long hot shower and wanted nothing more than to call Derek, but there was no way I could communicate with him over the phone because it would be tracked.

After I finished my shower, I wrapped a towel around me and found Derek in my bedroom. I nearly screamed, but I remembered that I had given him a key to come over when he wanted to.

"I need you desperately," he said to me, closing the door behind him and walking over to me. "It's been hell without you. I think you keep me from going insane."

I felt my body tense up and become aroused in response to him being close. "I love you."

I kissed him, my hands running through his soft hair. I felt a couple of tears fall.

"Don't cry, my love. I hate seeing you cry. It makes me sad," he continued.

"I don't ever want to let you go again."

"Then don't."

My hands made their way under his cotton T-shirt, the shirts he would always wear when he went to sleep. I felt how hard his muscles were, and his skin was incredibly soft and smooth. I began to kiss across his chest, hearing him groan in pleasure.

"Touch me," he begged softly.

"I am, love," I said, my voice nearly a whisper.

He groaned loudly when I started to stroke his dick through his sweatpants, realizing that he wasn't wearing underwear.

"You have no idea what you do to me," I continued, as he pulled the towel off of me and threw it behind him. I stood in front of him, completely naked, my hair still somewhat wet.

"Meredith, you're so sexy."

* * *

The back of my legs hit the mattress and I fell on the bed. He climbed on top of me, his hands on me right away.

"I missed you," he said into my ear, licking it. I moaned softly as I felt his fingers stroke my wet slit. "You are soaked. All for me?"

"Yes." When he teased my entrance with his finger, I clenched the bed-sheets. "Don't stop."

"Never, babe."

His fingers began their delicate work inside me, making me writhe in pleasure. He replaced his fingers with his dick, and my insides immediately tightened around him. To me, it had been too long since we were last intimate, and I needed this like my next breath.

"Meredith," he groaned. "Take it, baby."

He knew exactly where to hit inside me, because I found myself getting close very quickly. I came around him within a few seconds, and I immediately felt another orgasm building up inside me.

He kissed me hard, sucking on my bottom lip, then sucked on my neck.

"Meredith, I'm gonna cum," Derek said into my ear, then I felt him release inside me. Sex with him was always pleasurable and so different from any other man I had been with.

We fell asleep next to each other and I was relieved to see him on the other side of the bed in the morning when I woke up.

Our separation had taken a toll on him, but he had managed to hide it well. Me, on the other hand, did not take it well and it made me depressed after a while.

When I looked over at the man lying in my bed, all I could think about was how he was open around me. When it came to others, he was very closed off. But around me, he was someone else.


	30. Chapter XXX

**A/N: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY

Derek stirred softly and looked over towards me. I had wanted to tell him about Izzie before we had gone to sleep, but I hadn't gotten the chance. So I decided that now would be the best time to tell him what had happened.

"Before we both fell asleep last night, there was something I wanted to tell you," I said to my boyfriend.

"What is it, Meredith?" he asked me.

"I got stopped by a reporter named Izzie Stevens last night as I was coming home. She was asking me questions about our relationship."

"She's bad news. It's best to leave her alone."

"She seems like she is out to get you or something. Is there a reason why?" Derek didn't answer me, so I asked him a different question, and I knew he wasn't going to like it. "Did you sleep with her at some point?"

"We really are going to talk about this now? It's too early for this."

"I just want you to answer my question."

"I slept with her once, and only once. I never saw her again afterwards because I found out she was a journalist and I didn't want to deal with that crap." Derek came close to me and squeezed my exposed breasts, since I had slept naked. "I like these. They're mine."

"No, they're not," I teased him. His eyes started to darken and then he got on top of me, taking one of my nipples in his mouth and nibbling softly, emitting a soft moan from me. "You're purposefully trying to distract me, aren't you, Mr. Shepherd?"

He released my nipple before speaking. "Yes. It's fun, isn't it?"

"It is."

* * *

We ended up both enjoying a cup of coffee in order to start our day. While we were enjoying the hot drink, Derek told me that one of the apartments down the hall from me had been for sale, and that he was moving in. He was renting the apartment for a lower price than usual, but he had decided not to sell his house.

"So there's a new resident moving into the building? I like that idea. I've never role-played before," I said.

"Never? Well, perhaps I can arrange something. Maybe we can incorporate other things into the role play as well."

"I just want you to be happy with the intimacy you get."

"You affect me in ways no one else had. I think that should tell you something." He lead me back to my bedroom. "Lie on the bed."

There were times I felt like resisting, just to add some excitement into our sex life, but seeing his eyes turn to a different shade of blue right in front of me just made me submissive.

I did what he said and he settled between my legs.

He continued speaking. "I think you should also know by now that I'm a possessive person. I don't like sharing. Especially my partners." He gave my slit a long, slow lick and I felt my body immediately react to him. He then did the same thing to my slit with his finger. "This is mine."

Derek teased my entrance with the tip of his finger as he came up to my mouth and kissed him, tongue running along my teeth. I moaned softly into his mouth, wanting more.

The pleasure that he gave me, there were times where I would wonder how I had lived without his touch. There was just something about him that felt different to me then when I had been with other men.

He added a second finger and the pleasure immediately heightened. I was becoming like Jell-O from his touch alone.

"Oh, please," I said. My body wanted him.

"I crave you every waking moment. It's like you're my next breath of air. Eventually you'll never need your vibrator again," Derek replied. He thumbed my clit, nearly sending me over the edge. For some reason, I was extra horny this morning and an orgasm was approaching quicker than it normally did.

"I need to cum; I'm so close." I clenched onto the bed sheets as he rubbed me with his thumb and my orgasm coated his fingers. He licked my wetness off my fingers.

"Delicious, Ms. Grey."

"Do you feel good when I pleasure you?"

"Beyond good. When I'm with you, it's unlike anything else. I'm already hard, why don't you use those amazing oral skills and make me cum?"

I just smirked at him before settling in between his legs. I gave his dick one long lick from bottom to top and I saw him immediately react. He immediately reached for my hair, weaving his fingers into it.

"Please," Derek begged. "I need it. Keep going." I put my mouth over the tip of his dick, flicking my tongue over his opening. I loved the way he felt in my mouth, how he weakened under my touch. I took him deeper into my mouth and it caused him to inhale sharply. "Meredith, please, you're getting me so close." A few seconds later, he said my name again as he coated my throat with his orgasm.

"Did you enjoy that?" I asked him.

"Of course. I always enjoy this time with you." He paused for a minute, then spoke again. "I got you a new phone, equipped with a tracking app. It's in your end table drawer."

I looked shocked. "What?! No, you can't do that! I've already been tracked enough in my life. Get rid of it."

"To be fair, I put the same app on my phone. You're able to track my phone as well."

I was still angry that he put the tracker on, and I wanted to take it off. But I figured that there had to be a reason why he did it. I reflected back on what had happened recently.

The man who abused me for four years was dead. The police had come to me and said that he had been murdered, but that Derek had an alibi for when the crime happened. For some reason, I had this nagging feeling that my boyfriend had something to do with my stepfather's murder.

The police had told me that my stepfather had been planning to kill Derek at some point, and that I would probably have been dead too. I had started to wonder if the red spot on Derek's clothes that one day a few weeks ago had been blood instead of lipstick. It would make sense, since we had been stalked for some unspecified amount of time. If my stepfather had come after Derek, it seemed logical that they would get into a fight.

"I need you all the time," I said to my boyfriend. He cupped my face before speaking.

"I always need you, Meredith. I need you to be safe. If you were gone...it would break me. You're what keeps me going. You're always in my thoughts, and when we spent that time apart, you were on my mind 100% of the time. I was just trying to protect you from getting hurt."

"I can't deal with anymore crap involving Addison."

"I had hoped that she and I could have continued our friendship, but for some reason, she wants to leave her husband and continue where we were at one point, but I told her that I wouldn't have that because I have you."

I kissed him softly before getting out of bed and began searching for something to wear to work.


	31. Chapter XXXI

**A/N: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

After I had finished getting ready for work, I found Callie in the kitchen, looking for something in the fridge. Someone giggled and then I saw Arizona appear from looking in the pantry and wrapped her arms around her...girlfriend? I wasn't sure what to call them. Callie turned around and started kissing her, unaware that I was still standing there.

Even though I never had the slightest interest in being intimate with women, seeing Callie and Arizona kiss was somewhat hot. I decided not to say anything and just grabbed my purse before leaving the apartment.

* * *

When I got to work that morning, I found Doctor Kepner in one of the conference rooms. I wasn't sure why she was here, so I knocked on her door and went inside.

"Hey Meredith," she said.

"Hey April," I replied. "What are you doing here?"

"I got a job at Mercy West, so I took the offer. I didn't tell you?"

"No, you didn't."

"I am so sorry, then. I thought I had mentioned it in a text." She took a deep breath, along with a sip of water, then spoke again. "I was wondering if you were available this weekend?"

"I'm not sure at the moment; I haven't looked at my calendar. What's up?"

"One of my boyfriend's friends is getting married next Friday, but they want to have the bachelor party this weekend. I have been so busy with work that I haven't really been out to be social. Who knows, maybe we can find you someone to go home with."

"I think I'm good for now in that department," I said, yawning afterwards. I didn't realize how tired I actually was.

"Are you sleeping well? You seem like you're not."

"Most of the time, I am."

_Though last night, I had hot, passionate sex with Derek Shepherd,_ I thought.

April's cell phone started ringing.

"I don't want a rebound, Kepner," I continued.

"Alright, then," she said. She answered the phone and then told whoever was on the other end to hold on for a second. The call was put on mute, and she turned to me. "A man is calling for you. He sounds hot. Like sex was rolled up in melted caramel."

"Who called?"

"Finn Dandridge."

* * *

I started to freak out. Why would Finn be calling me...especially when he already knew what it was like to cross Derek Shepherd.

"Please transfer the call, April," I told my friend. She said she would, and then I made a quick dash for my office. I picked up the phone and said hello.

"Meredith? Is it really you?" I heard my ex ask.

"Yes, it's me. How are you doing?"

"Pretty well. The race is also good. The Chief Resident position seems promising."

"That's good to hear. I hope it goes well for you."

"I know that you're probably working at the moment, so I'll make this quick and you can get back to your job. I'm gonna be in Seattle for a bit and I'd really hope to see you."

"That really wouldn't be a wise idea."

"Why not? I won't be in town long."

"Do you think we could just be friends instead?"

"No way. Now that you're single, Derek will have to deal with me."

Crap. I had completely forgotten about the photos of my boyfriend and Addison together, which had been sent to the media. The media seemed to believe that they were the new power couple in the world of medicine and I was basically a nobody, a thing of the past.

"Finn, I really don't want to get into another serious relationship right now."

"You need to be there. I asked you out on one date. I wasn't asking for some commitment. The divorce papers were signed recently, so I'm a free man."

"Finn-"

"I'm back in town for some medicinal work, but you inspired me to be a better doctor, so it would mean so much to me if you were to meet with me."

I sighed before continuing since I just wanted to go back to work. "Fine."

"Alright. I'll have to look at my flight info again, but I'll let you know when I'm in town."

After finishing the call with Finn, I looked up and saw Chief Webber standing in my office doorway.

"Doctor Webber," I said. "Is everything okay?"

"I guess so," he replied, stepping inside. "My anniversary with Adele is coming up soon, and I want to do something special for her."

"Congratulations. When you say special, what have you thought of?"

"I was thinking of doing a vow renewal ceremony. We haven't done that in a long time, so I thought it would be a good idea if we had a small celebration afterwards as well."

"I think she'd really like that. Need me to plan anything for this reception party?"

"At the moment, not right now, since I haven't thought of what would be there, but once I get some ideas, I'll send you an email."

"Sure, sounds good."

"I'm sorry to bring this up when you're going through your own drama. I apologize."

"It's okay, Doctor Webber. I'm doing fine."

"I'm going to lunch with Adele, then we have to go to a meeting in Portland. Can I get you anything? I'll drop it off and then we'll head out."

"I'm okay right now, but thanks for the offer."

He said goodbye and then left. I began to look through some paperwork for Richard, when my desk phone rang.

"Meredith Grey speaking," I said.

"Love."

I recognized Derek's voice right away.

"Please tell me that our relationship is good," I heard him say.

"Of course we're good, my love. Is something bothering you?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I just really needed to hear you say that we're good."

"I thought you knew that we were good because of what we did last night?"

"When we're not with each other, I need to know."

"People still think that we are broken up and that I should be looking for another guy."

Derek inhaled sharply. "No...that's not going to happen. I've been waiting all my life for you, and soon we'll be able to go public."

"I'll wait as long as it takes."

"I can't lose you again, Meredith. It would break me for good."

"You won't lose me."

* * *

I got home from work that night and found Callie making out with Erica Hahn on the couch. My roommate was in some weird romantic situation that seemed like an open relationship or a love triangle.

Callie turned her head and saw me standing there, so she stopped kissing Erica and got off the couch. She told Erica that she would be right back and then we headed to her room to talk.

"Sorry about that," my roommate said. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah, I guess. Though some work days feel longer than others."

Callie was doing well from having been beaten by my stepfather with nun-chucks. She still had some bruises on her, but otherwise, she was recovering from her injuries.

"How are you doing, Callie?" I asked her.

"Much better. Though I think you're having a lot more fun lately," she replied. "Sounds like Shepherd wore you out again."

"Oh, shut up."

"It was him?! You guys are back together?"

"Yeah, we are."

"From what I've heard, it sounds like he's amazing in bed. Is he?"

"Yes, he is, and I'm not sharing."

"I'm just teasing."

"Finn called me today and I spoke with him."

"Meredith, really, that was a bad idea!"

"He wanted to meet with me while he is in town, and I only said okay to get him off my back so I could continue working. I'm hoping that you could come with me so I'm not alone."

"Sure, I'll go along."

"Do you want to bring either one of your girlfriends?"

"No, not to this. And I'm not in a serious relationship with either woman."


	32. Chapter XXXII

**A/N: ** **Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

I ended up taking a hot shower and after I got dressed, I wore my favorite navy dress with black heels. I grabbed my key and walked down to Derek's new place, knocking on the door. He opened it and was staring at me with hunger in his eyes.

"Wow...you look so delectable. It's taking all of my self control to not pin you against the wall and make you cum," he said. "But first, we should at least eat some food. I can show you my new place."

I step inside and take a seat at one of the bar-stools.

"When did you get the place?" I asked him.

"When Callie was attacked. When I heard that, I needed to work on getting close to you in case your stepfather was going to come after you. Burke helped me move in here."

"But my stepfather is dead now."

"I know, but even living at my house is too far from you. I need to be close to you." He poured me a glass of white wine. "What's on your mind, Meredith?"

"April asked me to go to her boyfriend's friend's bachelor party this weekend," I said.

"Oh? What's happening with that?"

"I'm going drinking and dancing."

"Not looking for another man, I hope?"

"Of course not." I took a few sips of my wine before continuing. "I ended up speaking with Finn Dandridge at work today."

Derek was silent and I was afraid that he hadn't heard what I said. But he told me that he knew that Finn was coming back to Seattle because he got emails from the hospital where he worked at.

"Are you gonna go see him?" my boyfriend asked me.

"I said yes, and I invited Callie to go with me. She agreed to accompany me so I'm not alone. But I really don't want to go, because I really don't want to see him."

"I ended up breaking your heart, so you can go if you want to. I don't have a problem with it since Callie's going with."

"That wasn't why I said yes. I just wanted to get back to work and he wanted me to go."

"I still hurt you."

"You killed my stepfather," I continue. "You killed the man who brought me so much pain. With him gone, it feels like I can finally be free."

Derek had poured himself a glass of wine, and he had been about to take a sip of the liquid, but he set the glass aside and picked me up and set me on the counter. He kissed me softly, then held me close to him.

"I really missed you," he said.

"I missed you too."

* * *

Even though sleep came for me pretty easily that night, I was awoken just after two AM to the sound of Derek moaning softly in pain as he slept. His hands tightly clenched the bed sheets and the moans turned into screams.

"Stop it, please!" he said, still asleep. "It hurts! Leave me alone!"

"Derek!" I replied, shaking him awake. "Derek, you're okay. It's Meredith. I'm right here."

His eyes looked around the room until they settled on me. His demeanor changed from scared to happy when he saw me looking at him.

Derek kissed me softly, holding me against him.

"Have you ever talked to a therapist or someone else regarding the nightmares?" I asked him.

"No," he said. Seeing him suffer from nightmares made me feel for him, and I wanted him to be free from them. "I fight back in my nightmares. But no matter how hard I fight, he always seems to win."

"It's not your fault, love. You were only 13. He made you think that what you were feeling was normal. Our bodies respond to things whether we like them or not. You were feeling pleasure, but of course, you didn't enjoy it. He did this to you because he wanted to assert power and control. If you're implying something regarding bisexuality, it wouldn't bother me."

"I'm not bi, no. But it means so much to me that you said it wouldn't bother you if I was."

We kissed languidly for a few minutes, just enjoying being together.

"Babe, I wanted to ask you something...sexual related. I know that we didn't have done anything related to our butts, but I hope that I would be able to do that someday with you?" I ask him.

"Love, when it comes to us, and the bedroom, there really is no limit. Here, it's just the two of us and our love for each other. That's all that matters."

We then drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When I got to work the next morning, I saw Richard looking a little more sad than usual. I wondered if there was some drama going on at home.

"Hello, Sir," I said once I knocked on his door. "Are you okay?"

"Hi, Meredith," he replied. "Things are okay, I guess, but I'm kind of nervous about asking Adele to renew our wedding vows. We've been married this long, but I'm afraid she may not want to do this again."

"Adele loves you, Doctor Webber, of course she'll want to renew her vows."

"Thanks."

I ended up leaving his office and heading out to the reception area and found Rose sitting on one of the chairs.

"Rose?" I asked.

"Meredith," she replied. "I'm sorry for showing up here, but I was paying Derek a visit and there was a reporter that showed up at my place last night."

"Let me guess, Izzie Stevens?"

"You know her?"

"She paid me a visit too. Did you answer her questions?"

"No, I did not. I just thought you might want to know. I'll see you around, Meredith."

Rose got up and left the hospital.

* * *

When I got home from work that night, my mother decided to call me. We chatted for a bit regarding my job and then we got into my love life. I ended up telling her that Derek and I had gotten back together.

My mother started going on a rant of how I needed to be protected and that the world was a scary place. I wondered why she was starting her rant, and then she mentioned my bracelet.

I looked down at my wrist. I was wearing my new silver diamond bracelet, which was a gift from her. All of a sudden, the realization hit me.

"Mom! Seriously, how could you do this to me?!" I immediately took off the bracelet and threw it on the floor. The piece of jewelry hadn't been a gift at all, it had been something to track me.

I felt so violated.

"Meredith Grey-" she said.

"I work for Seattle Grace, mother. I'm very close to reporting you for invading my privacy. I'm 27 years old and a grown adult. Next time you call me, I want a sincere apology. Right now, I do not trust you." I angrily hung up the phone and then grabbed my key and headed over to Derek's apartment.

I knocked on his door and he immediately invited me inside when he saw how sad I looked.

"Love, what's wrong?" he asked.

I told him what my mother had done and then cried into his shoulder.


	33. Chapter XXXIII

**A/N: ** **Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Derek kissed me softly.

"Have I ruined you for other women for good?" I asked him.

"You did the moment I saw you," he replied. He kissed me again and then picked me up and carried me to his bed. "I want sex with you, but I want to make sure your mind is clear, since you just had that problem with your mother."

"It's going to be fine, Derek. I end up forgiving my mother a lot. But now, with this bracelet situation, our relationship will be somewhat strained."

He kissed me hard and was pushing my dress up, rubbing me through my underwear. I gently grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head with my hands.

"Tonight, I'm in charge," I said to him. "I'm gonna make you cum over and over, and you're going to enjoy it."

"Do I get to repay the favor at any point?" he asked.

"No, you don't. Tonight is about you."

"Then no."

"Can you be selfish for one night, please?"

"I don't understand."

"You know how I am every time you pleasure me for long periods of time. Let me do that to you."

"I go crazy when I'm pleasuring you. Being inside you is the best feeling. Okay, proposition. Tonight, you get to have me. But then, next weekend, you're mine."

"Why do I get a night, and you get a weekend?"

He just smirked and pulled me into his arms.

My cell phone started ringing and I saw that Callie was calling me.

"Hello?" I asked, answering the call.

"Hi, Meredith," my roommate replied. "There was this lady that called home. She said she was a friend of yours."

"Did she mention her name?"

"Yeah, it was Izzie Stevens."

"Did you tell her anything, since she's a reporter?"

"No, I didn't. You have a reporter friend?"

"I don't! She's trying to dig up stuff on Derek and cause trouble. I don't know how she got my number, honestly. I'll hopefully be home soon."

Derek looked concerned and I told him that Izzie had called my home number.

"Stevens is trouble, Meredith," he told me. "There's gonna be even more trouble if she keeps showing up where you are." He kissed my forehead. "I'm very much in love with you. And when I propose to you, it's going to be at the right time."

There were so many wrong things going on in our lives right now, but him being in love with me was one thing that was actually right.

* * *

My mother was calling me the next morning and I answered her call. I was hoping that she was calling to apologize for invading my privacy.

"Meredith, I've been really worried!" she said. "Sleep wasn't coming easy for me last night."

"Yeah, well, it didn't for me either," I replied. "I had my privacy violated, and you got caught."

I was still too angry with my mother, and she hadn't apologized yet, so I hung up the phone.

* * *

I had almost forgotten that I was going to a club with April for the bachelor party, so when she told me that we were going after work, I almost wanted to back out of the plans. However, I thought about it some more and realized that some fun time with a girlfriend would cheer me up and put thoughts of my mother's betrayal out of my mind for now.

We got to the club and April was already ordering a cocktail. I settled on a sangria for now.

After April drank half of her drink, she went out to the dance floor and began dancing. I watched her while I enjoyed my drink. Once I finished, I joined my friend on the floor.

I danced for a while and then called Derek.

"Shepherd," he said.

"Hi love," I replied.

"Meredith," he continued. "Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, I am, but there's so many men here and it's driving me crazy."

"I can come meet you at the club. I can be inside you in less than 15 minutes from when this call is over. Is that something you want?"

"Yes, please."

"I'll be right over. Love you."

"Love you too."

He ended the call and I found April at the bar, drinking another cocktail.

"I got a question for you," I said to her. "It's regarding your boyfriend."

"Ask away."

"Was there something you didn't like about him when you went out on that first date?"

"I didn't want to have sex with him on the first date, of course, and I thought that he wasn't the most attractive man around. But something drew me to him, and look where we're at now."

"I'm gonna go back and dance," I said, after finishing my second sangria. "There's a guy near the edge of the floor that seems lonely."

"You go for it," April continued.

I walked over to the guy and started to grind my behind against him. Even though I was 27 years old and had a boyfriend, I still felt young and wanted to dance like I was single.

The guy groaned when he felt my behind against his crotch and continued dancing. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the music. After about ten minutes, I opened my eyes and saw Derek standing there. He had some disapproval in his eyes and I immediately stepped away from the man.

Derek's eyes darkened as he walked over to me and took me in his arms. His lips closed over mine in a kiss, possessively holding me against him. The guy I had been dancing with walked away and my boyfriend whispered in my ear, "You are such a naughty girl, doing that."

"I'm naughty for you only."

Derek lead me to the restroom and locked the door behind him. He had me pinned against the counter and was pressing his very hard dick against my behind. I moaned when he slipped his hand inside my dress and squeezed my breasts through the lace bra I was wearing.

"I think if this room had windows all around, you'd want everyone to see how I make love to you," he said, removing his hands from my bra and rubbing me through my underwear. "You'd want people to see my dick inside you, making you scream in pleasure." He slid my panties to the side and inserted a finger inside me.

I gasped in pleasure. "Please."

"It's like you were made for me," he continued, sucking on my earlobe. "Did you forget about the pleasure that I give you when you were grinding against other men?"

"I would never forget. No one else could provide the pleasure you give me."

He took off my lace panties and put them in his pocket, then unzipped his dress pants and buried himself inside me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him hard. He moaned into my mouth as he thrust into me.

"I love you, Meredith," he said.

"I love you too."

"You are mine. Mine," he continued. "You're so tight and wet."

"Please. I need to cum."

"Not yet. I need this to last." With each thrust, I felt myself getting close to cumming. The pleasure was very intense. I knew that my body was not going to last much longer before my orgasm would go through me.

"Derek, I'm gonna cum." And then the orgasm hit me, my walls clenching around his dick. He came not too long after.

* * *

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I noticed that my phone was buzzing. I was curious as to who was calling at nine am. I was surprised to see two calls from my father, five from my mother, and a text from Callie, telling me to call her. I didn't know why my parents kept calling me, but there had to be a reason.

I was not in the mood to deal with my mother at the moment, so I called my dad.

"Meredith," he said without any introduction.

My gut was telling me that something wasn't right. He had said my name in a different tone of voice. He sounded like he was upset.

"What's wrong, Dad? What happened?" I asked.

"Why didn't you think to tell me about your stepfather?!"


	34. Chapter XXXIV

**A/N: ** **Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Crap. That was the only word running through my mind at the moment.

My dad now knew that my stepfather had been back in town at some point. I hadn't told him because I didn't want him to become worried. And I especially didn't want my mother knowing, because she wouldn't believe me if I had told her what Anthony had done to me for four years.

"I can't believe you wouldn't tell me what that man had been up to. I should have known," he said.

"You helped me a lot, Dad. Putting me in with that therapist was one of the best things that happened to me."

"I'm getting on the next plane and coming to see you. I'll call you when I'm in town."

"Dad-!"

"I love you, Meredith. I'll see you soon."

He ended the call and I was left feeling confused. I then saw my mom's name come up on caller ID and I didn't know if I should answer her or not.

I realized that I couldn't talk to her, because I was still hurting from what she had done. The bracelet had been smashed and tossed in the trash. I don't know how my mother had put a tracking device on the bracelet, but I was still beyond angry at her.

I tossed my phone on the couch and immediately went to find Derek. At this moment, he was what I needed.

When I found him in his office, he was talking to someone on the phone.

"It's nice that you want to send flowers to me, but I can't accept them...we are friends, yes, but only platonic ones. You know why I won't give you what you want. Addison, stop it. I don't want to talk right now," he said, then angrily hung up the phone.

"Derek," I spoke up. "My dad found out that my stepfather came back to town. He now knows what happened and what was going to happen sometime in the future. He's on a plane over here, and my mother won't stop calling. I'm still too angry to talk to her right now."

I started crying, and he immediately pulled me into a hug.

"What can I do?" he asked, stroking my hair.

"My dad's getting on a plane to come here, and he's supposed to get here today."

"I can come with you when you go to the airport."

"I appreciate it, but it's probably best if I go alone. My dad's already hurting enough, and I think he wouldn't want other people to see him like this."

"I can handle your mother if you want me too. I can get her mind focused on something else if you'd like."

Derek was not explicitly saying wedding bells, but I knew that he was going to talk to her about it. Men who dated me only came to my mother when their intentions with me were serious.

"What did Addison want with you?" I asked.

"I really don't want to discuss Addison right now, I really don't," he said.

"Well, she made me think that she was having sex with you, more than once."

"More than once?"

I told him about the 'lipstick' incident in his office and how I showed up her house and she had looked like she just had sex.

"It still hurts somewhat, Derek. But she has no business poking around you when you already have a relationship."

He kissed me softly, then said he was going to take a quick shower. I decided to use this time to call Callie.

When I dialed my roommate, she sounded upset.

"Where did you go?" she asked me.

"Well, hello to you too, Callie," I said.

"I've been getting multiple phone calls over the last day from both your parents wondering where you are, since you haven't been looking at your phone, obviously. I've been wondering myself where you went."

"My dad knows about my stepfather's return," I continued.

"Oh no, I am so sorry, Meredith. How'd he take the news?"

"He's hurting a lot. I'm sure he's angry at my mother. But things are complicated right now. He's coming to Seattle today."

"I can fix him up a room when I get back from lunch," Callie answered. "I'm with Erica at the moment, can I call you later? I'm just glad you're alright."

"Yeah, sure. See you later."

"See you then."

I closed my eyes and imagined my life in a different way, where my mom wasn't stalking me all the time, my dad was doing well, my stepfather never existing, and Addison being on the other side of the world, where she wouldn't bother Derek.

I was ready to stop letting my stepfather getting in the way of my happiness, and I wanted to move on with my life.

* * *

Monday morning arrived, and my dad still hadn't messaged me. I had sent him a text, wondering where he was, if he had missed his flight or not, but he hadn't replied. So I decided to go to work so I would have something to do.

When I arrived at work, April was looking very unhappy, and I figured it had something to do with her boyfriend.

"Kepner, please, dump your boyfriend. I don't think it's working for you," I said to her.

"I plan to," she replied. "I need coffee. Want some?"

"I'm okay for now, but thanks. I'm gonna go see the Chief."

When I stepped into his office, he seemed to be in a better mood.

"Let me guess, the vow renewal went well?" I asked him.

"Yes, it did. Adele and I feel much better now, and our marriage is stronger than ever."

"I'm happy for you, Doctor Webber."

I then said goodbye and headed to my office to start working. When I got to my office, I opened my email account to find a message from Derek, telling me that his lawyer had contacted him regarding my stepfather's death. Someone else had been charged as a suspect in the case.

After I finished reading Derek's email, my phone started ringing and I saw that my dad was calling. I answered right away.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Meredith," my dad said.

"Dad. Where are you? I've been wondering why you didn't answer my message."

"I'm in Denver. I'm getting on another flight, but I'll be there tonight. My flight got cancelled and I spent the night in a hotel. I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."

"Love you too."

I sent Derek a text.

_\- My dad will be in town in a couple of hours. He's in Denver currently._

Derek responded back a few minutes later.

_\- You can borrow my car. I want you safe._

* * *

Derek had given me an extra car key to his Mercedes, and I was worried about damaging his car, because I knew how expensive Mercedes were.

When he called me on the phone five minutes later, I told him that I was afraid of wrecking his car because I wasn't the best driver.

"Right now, it doesn't matter about the car. I care about your safety. Just imagine my fingers are stroking you, curling against your walls and making you squirm."

"You are being very naughty," I said. "What is it with you and different modes of transportation that turn you on?"

"It's you that turns me on," he replied.

"What got you so aroused so fast?"

"You're wearing that light blue dress."

"Maybe I should suck you off while you drive. You'd have to focus very hard on the road and try not to get distracted by how good my mouth feels on you."

"I'm so hard. I think I'll have to hold you to that at some point. Tell me, how's the car?"

"It's a very smooth ride. I enjoy it a lot. I know that I'm getting close to a tunnel, so I might lose you when I go inside."

"You won't ever lose me, love. I'm yours forever."


	35. Chapter XXXV

**A/N: ** **Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

I found my dad outside the American Airlines gate with a suitcase in his hand. He looked very tired, like he hadn't slept in days.

"Hey Dad," I said.

"Hey, Meredith," he replied, hugging me.

"You look tired. Have you slept recently?"

"Sleep hasn't come easily to me in a few days. I'm still so upset and hurt. I want to punch something."

* * *

When we arrived back at my place, my dad was still looking just as upset as he was when I picked him up at the airport.

"I ended up reading the report from the police," he said.

"Oh, Dad, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to see those notes."

"You nearly died from an infection."

"And now I'm fine. The doctors treated me and the infection was gone. Harper tried hard to ruin every bit of happiness I had. Right now, you're part of the last bit of happiness I have left. I didn't want Harper to take away my relationship with you."

"Are you okay, Meredith? Honestly, are you okay?"

"I am okay, yes. Harper is finally dead and I feel free after so long. I'm still the same person you came to town to see recently."

"I still wish he was alive so I could beat the crap out of him for what he did to you all those years."

"I think a lot of people would want to do the same thing, if they knew what happened."

My dad and I enjoyed dinner at the apartment. Callie was out with Arizona on a date. But a few hours later, Callie returned home and chatted with my dad while I took a shower. After I was done, Derek sent me a text saying that he hoped things were going well, and that he would see me tomorrow. I looked forward to seeing him. Even though it was great to see my dad, his visit was still a bit stressful on me, considering the circumstances of why he was in town.

* * *

When my lunch break came around the next day, I decided to go out and get food instead of bringing it from home. But when I got to the front doors, I was surprised to see Addison standing there with Derek.

Addison Montgomery was one woman I had hoped to not deal with again. She had already caused too many problems for Derek and I. Her hand was on his chest and I felt the urge to go over and pull her by the hair.

Derek turned to the side and saw me there. His blue eyes looked right into mine, and that same feeling I had gotten at our first meeting - where I knew that he was mine and I was his - filled my body.

Addison turned her head and saw me. She then cupped Derek's jaw and turned his head so that he was focused on her. Then, she kissed him hard. He was caught off-guard for a second, but once he realized what had happened, he pulled away from her.

He turned towards me and I started walking over to his office. He followed me there and looked a bit sad.

"Derek, if you think I was cheating, I wasn't," he said to me. "I wasn't answering her calls, so she stopped by."

"I've got 45 minutes for lunch. I'd like to not discuss your ex, and instead, I'd like to have sex with you."

"I can work with that."

He locked the office door and then pulled out his cell phone. "Burke. I'll be running late today. Raincheck for lunch? Okay, sounds good. See you then." Then he put the phone back in his pocket and started talking to me. "Is everything good with you, love?"

"Yeah, I'm doing good."

"So tell me one thing…" he continued. "What has made you horny today?"

I felt his hand under my scrub bottoms and gasped when he pressed his thumb into my clit.

"You made me this way," I replied, cupping his face. His hands were already on my underwear, sliding them off and pocketing them after he removed my pants.

"Keep the shirt on. It's hot."

I then felt his tongue licking me all over. I moaned softly.

"That first day I met you, I had such naughty images. You were on my bed, hair all messed up, eyes dark with lust, and you were moaning as I pounded my dick inside you."

"Derek, please," I said, feeling his tongue teasing my clit and doing it in a way that made me squirm even more than I normally did when he ate me out.

"I imagined that your hands were pinned to the bed by mine. You were whimpering and crying out for me, when your orgasms come and don't stop happening."

"Ah, please, I want to cum."

"I know you do."

He sunk his tongue inside me and I came hard, coating his tongue with my orgasm. My legs were still shaking as he unzipped his pants enough for him to pull his dick out and tease my already sensitive entrance.

"I know you want this," he growled into my ear.

"Yes," I said. "Please." He held my wrists down with his hands as he buried himself inside me.

"I want to touch you, please let me."

He kissed me softly, and I could taste myself on his lips. My walls contracted around him as I sucked on his bottom lip and moaned into his mouth. He moved slowly, teasing me with his dick.

"Seeing you dressed like this, you look so beautiful," he continued. "It makes me want you more."

"Please, Derek. You're teasing me too much. I need you," I answered. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Feeling him inside me was unlike any other feeling. I'd had sex with other men before, but Derek...Derek was a different story. He just knew how to pleasure me, knew how to make me feel good.

"I want to touch you," I begged. He was still torturing me by moving slowly. My body wanted to cum again, but he wasn't letting me.

"I want to cum inside you all day. You keep me so hard. No one else has ever made me this way before."

"Please!"

He intertwined his fingers with mine and kissed my neck softly as he pulled out, and then roughly entered me again. I gasped into his mouth, in so much pleasure, still unable to touch him.

"You feel so good," he said into my ear, then licking the shell. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer to me. The feeling of his balls against my clit brought me even closer to orgasm. "I'm the only one who can defile you. Say it."

"You...you're the only one," I said, moaning in pleasure. I had a bit of trouble forming the words because he felt so good.

"I'm the only one what?"

"You're the only one who can defile me."

"Good."

"Derek, please. Make me cum. Make me cum so hard I can't walk straight."

The only sounds that were heard were Derek and I breathing hard, moaning, and then screaming when we both came.


	36. Chapter XXXVI

**A/N: ** **Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

When I got home from work that night, I found my mother in the apartment, wearing my clothes.

April had decided to hang out with me for a bit because she had finally gotten the courage to break up with her boyfriend.

"What the heck, Mom?" I said. She had given me no indication that she was even in town. "Why are you wearing my clothes?"

"I spilled some wine on my dress," she replied. I introduced her to April, and they exchanged a brief hello.

I became very upset, because I saw the way that my mother was walking and I knew what she had done. She had gotten a divorce from my stepfather, and then married another guy, who became my second stepfather. This man was very nice to me, and he treated me well. I had become close to him recently. To discover that my mother was cheating on him made my blood boil, considering that she still didn't know what her second husband had done to me.

I saw my dad come out in his clothes, which were wrinkled. His hair was also messed up. I looked at both of them and realized that they had slept with one another.

April didn't understand the current situation with my parents, but she noticed that I was looking really upset, so she decided to leave. She gave me a hug and then told me that she would talk to me tomorrow.

After April left the apartment, my dad wanted to talk to me, but I was having none of it.

"You really did this?" I asked, very upset. "Mom's new husband is the one who pays for this place. Did that thought even go through your mind when you decided to sleep with his wife?"

"You watch your mouth, Meredith Grey. I'm still your father," my dad said.

"Right now, I'm absolutely ashamed that you're my dad," I replied. I knew my words were going to sting, but right now, I was so upset. My second stepfather was one of the only people who knew the full extent of the abuse I had suffered. My dad, Callie, and Derek were the others that knew the story. I went into my bedroom and locked the door, sending a text to my roommate.

_\- I'm really upset. Can you come home?_

Callie responded back within a couple of minutes.

_\- I'm at Costco at the moment, but I'll be home in 10._

She then sent me a picture of the shopping cart, which was about half-full of food and drinks.

I heard the front door open ten minutes later. Callie came down the hall after opening the fridge a few times and bringing some soda with her.

"I was putting the perishables away, and left the rest on the counter. I'll put them away later. So, what's up?" she asked.

"My mom cheated on her new husband with my dad," I said, holding a pillow close to me.

"I heard them earlier when I was getting ready to go out to Costco. It sucks. I'm so sorry, Meredith."

"It doesn't make me feel good. I had told my mom's new husband what had happened to me, and he's been nothing but supportive and compassionate. He's also the one that pays for this."

"Ouch. That makes me cringe even more." She paused for a moment. "I can make dinner if you'd like to go and talk to your dad."

"Sure. I said something I didn't mean, and now I feel guilty that I said it."

I walked out into the living room and found my dad sitting on the couch. He was looking quite hurt.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was upset," I told him.

"I don't blame you for being mad," he replied. "What happened today shouldn't have. I regret it. I knew better than to do anything. She did as well."

My phone started ringing, and I was still so upset with my parents that I debated on ignoring the call. I decided to not ignore whoever was calling, so I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey there, pretty lady," said the voice of my ex-boyfriend. "Are you looking forward to seeing me?"

I groaned internally when he called me that, because no one but Derek was allowed to call me pet names.

"Yes, I am," I replied. "Listen, I kind of invited Callie to come along with me, so I'm hoping that's fine with you?"

"Yes, but I think I can control myself just fine. I have a compromise. You and Callie come hang out with me, but then she leaves so that you and I can have a meal together, alone."

I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of eating dinner with my ex, considering what he had done to me all those years ago, but I thought that one meal with him couldn't hurt me.

Or would it?

* * *

I said goodbye to my dad after I ended the phone call with Finn. He had a flight that was leaving soon, and he didn't want to miss it. My dad and I were going to be okay, but things were going to be awkward for a while knowing that he had slept with my mom after being divorced from her for years.

My thoughts drifted over to my mom, who was probably going crazy over the fact that things between us were still not the best. I was still hurting over the bracelet incident, and I had no idea when I would get over it. A better relationship with my mother was possible, but I knew it was going to take some time to heal.

And then there was Finn. I had tried to put what he had done to me out of my mind, but it was difficult. To this day, I still felt dirty knowing that I had slept with a married man.

I heard a knock on the door and looked through the keyhole and saw a woman standing outside, holding up her badge. I recognized her as the detective who was working on Harper Avery's case.

I opened the door. "Detective, hello."

"Hello, Meredith," she said, calmly. "May I come in? I need to talk to you about something."

"Sure." I stepped aside and let her in. She took a seat on the couch. "What's going on?"

"There has been a new development in the Avery case," she continued.

My breathing nearly stopped. Even though I had been trying to move on from my stepfather sexually abusing me, hearing his name sometimes would cause me to have anxiety. I had managed to get a therapist in Seattle who was helping me with my problems and I had managed to get some control over my anxiety when it came to the abuse.

"New development?" I asked.

She opened her case file and showed me a picture of a man I had never seen before.

"Do you know this man? Have you ever seen him before?" she asked me.

I took another good look at the picture. "I have not, no. What does he have to do with my stepfather's case?"

"This man is Gary Clark. We searched his apartment and found some pictures of you on his wall."

"How did this man get my pictures?"

"We assume that Harper gave him copies. Gary Clark was a very dangerous man, but he was found dead in his apartment this morning. He had ties to prostitution rings, as well as human and sex trafficking. From what we can tell, I think your stepfather was probably going to sell you to be trafficked."

I was absolutely stunned at the news. It was already bad enough that Harper had been stalking Derek and I, and now I could have been possibly sold for sex, or taken out of the country, where I probably never would have been found. I needed to call my boyfriend and tell him the terrible, disturbing news. I wondered how he was going to take this.

The detective showed me another picture and I recognized it as the watch Harper always wore.

He had gotten it as a gift from his mother many years ago, and he still wore it every day. He would never leave the house if he wasn't wearing it.

"I know that item," I said. "It was a gift from his mother."

"We found it on Gary's wrist this morning. It appears as though it might have been a gift from Harper," the detective continued.

"Do you think that Gary killed him?"

"It's pretty likely."

"Okay, so if Gary killed Harper, then who killed Gary?"

"It was someone who he had ties to. Gary was found in bed with one of his associate's 17-year-old son."

"I can't think of anyone that Harper would be connected to that would commit those kinds of crimes. But I've tried to forget about what he did to me, and now that the case is closed - at least I think so - is Harper's ghost still going to haunt me?"

"You can do what you want now, Meredith. You're going to be fine."


	37. Chapter XXXVII

**AN: Trigger warnings for a flashback scene.**

**Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Once the detectives left, something felt off and I didn't know why. I just got a feeling that something was wrong and I needed to go see what it was. I put my phone in my pocket, grabbed my keys, and then locked the front door behind me.

I headed over to Derek's place and used the spare key he had given me to let myself in. The gut feeling I had earlier felt even worse after I closed the door behind me and locked it. I heard a noise coming from Derek's bedroom and when I stepped inside, I saw my boyfriend trapped in a nightmare.

"You will leave her alone," he said. "You'll leave Meredith alone."

I was nearly frozen in place, and I didn't know how I was going to wake him up from the nightmare. I tried shaking him, but it wasn't working. I felt myself being pinned under him and I bit his arm somewhat hard.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, rolling over and nearly falling off the bed. He came out of the nightmare and was surprised to see me there. "Meredith, are you okay? I'm sorry."

"I'm fine," I replied. "You were dreaming about Harper. What happened?"

"I don't really remember my dreams that much."

I decided not to say anymore regarding the nightmare, and instead, changed the subject.

"I got a visit from the detective on Harper's case today," I continued.

"I figured," Derek said. "She's been around my place a few times. But Meredith, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I became scared because I thought I hurt you."

"It's okay, Derek. We're going to be fine, I promise. You have me."

"I do have you." He pulled me close to him and nuzzled my cheek. "I'm going to be taking you away this weekend for a fun vacation. You only need an overnight bag and your passport."

"We're going out of the country?"

"Yes. But it's a surprise of where we're going."

"I also need you."

"I do need you." He immediately rolled me under him and kissed me hard.

"Please, baby," I said. "I want you. I love you."

"I love and want you too." His hands slid under my shirt, thumbing my nipples. "You're beautiful. There's times where you're so sweet and innocent, and then there's the times…" His hand went in between my legs, and I moaned at the feel of his fingers on my clit.

"Then there's the times where you are just begging for me to pleasure you and make you cum."

"I'm always like this for you. Only you. You always make me this way." He teased my entrance with his finger and I started to weaken under his touch. I pushed my hips towards him, which was the silent signal that I wanted him. "I want sex with you all the time."

"I'd like that too, for the rest of my life."

We continued kissing and my hands went for his dress pants, undoing the button and zipper and pulling them down. I started to fondle him through his underwear, but it didn't seem to be enough for him because he was putting my hand inside. He was responding to my touch almost instantly. He grew hard within a few seconds and groaned when I squeezed his dick.

"See what you do to me, love?" he asked. "You make me like this all the time. I can't help it. You're just too damn sexy."

He pushed his finger inside me while I ran my hands all over his muscular chest. He had started to work out a lot more, and he was building up muscle.

"Please, Derek," I begged softly. "I need you."

"You will always have me." Pre-cum was on the tip of his dick as I ran my fingers along the head. "I should spank you. I want you. Your behind is just delectable."

"So is yours."

"Please, Meredith. I can't wait any longer. Now." I slowly sank down on him, feeling him stretch me. He pushed down on my hips to make sure I was all the way down. "Do you feel me, love? Do you feel me stretch you, filling you up?"

"Yes."

"Don't cum yet. I want this to last for a while. I've missed you, love." He moved slowly inside me, making sure to drag out my pleasure. My inner walls were very sensitive and I couldn't help but dig my nails into his back. He groaned at the feeling of my newly-manicured nails in his skin. "You feel so tight around me. Nothing else will ever feel this good."

He seemed to have changed his mind about not letting me cum for a bit, because he then rubbed my clit hard and it caused me to orgasm quickly. My walls clamped down around him and he continued pushing my hips down on him.

"Meredith, I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

Derek then flipped me onto my back and pounded into me hard, causing me to have two more orgasms before he came inside me, completely spent. He ended up falling asleep, but I knew that we weren't going to be able to sleep for too long because Finn was in town and I had to go meet with him. I secretly hoped that Finn wouldn't try anything with me because I didn't want Derek to fight with my ex-boyfriend.

* * *

DEREK POV

_"Don't go fast, always start off slow," a voice said in my ear._

_The voice was cold, filled with nothing but darkness and evil. There was never any joy and happiness when it came to the voice._

_I felt _him_ behind me. I had been stroking myself, but I felt his hand cover mine. He was trying to squeeze my dick, but I wasn't going to let him. He shouldn't be in the same room as me because any time I was left alone with him, pain and suffering was all that followed. I felt his other hand on my behind and I shuddered internally, tensing up because I feared that he would try to do something._

_"That's it, Derek," he continued. "Picture that you have a woman underneath you. Picture her being open and inviting, all tight and wet and clamping down on you, bringing you pleasure."_

_This felt wrong. The pleasure felt good - it seemed - but with my stepfather standing right behind me, with my mother on the next floor, this did not seem right to me at all. I've been told that I'm a bad boy - even my mother told me so at one point - and that I needed to be taught a lesson._

_"Such a good boy," my stepfather purred in my ear, and I felt like throwing up. "I'm hoping that this will prevent you from disobeying your mother."_

_"No, don't," I begged him, because I knew what was going to happen next. No matter how hard I tried to get away from him, he always seemed to be stronger than me._

_"You'll enjoy it." I felt two fingers inside me, and I wanted to cry. As I looked over at the bathroom mirror, I saw a knife on the counter._

_"You will never hurt me again!" I screamed, grabbing the knife. I closed my eyes and plunged it into my stepfather's chest. But when I opened my eyes, I no longer saw him, and instead, Meredith was standing in his place. I saw her gasping for breath and fall to the bathroom floor, dead._

_I had killed her…_

* * *

MEREDITH POV

I heard Derek get out of bed and then came the sound of vomiting from the bathroom. I became worried about my boyfriend and found him hunched over the toilet.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"I had a nightmare," he replied. "I saw my stepfather abusing me."

"Oh, love…"

"I saw a knife on the counter. I picked it up and stabbed him. But then, I saw that his image had been replaced by you. You died, Meredith. You died by my hands."

"Love, I am so sorry. But it wasn't real. I am here."

I put my hand over his and brought it up to my cheek so he could feel that I was standing in front of him. He cried softly and I held him until he stopped.


	38. Chapter XXXVIII

**AN: ****Please review :D**

**Only a couple of chapters left!**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Once Derek was able to stop crying, I heard my phone buzz once to signal that I had a text message. I unlocked my phone and saw that it was a message from Finn.

_\- Looking forward to seeing you :D_

I sent Finn a smiley face emoji back and then set my phone down on the bathroom counter so I could go get ready. I told Derek to get dressed as well, and sent Callie a text, telling her the same thing.

* * *

45 minutes later, Derek, Callie, and I were all dressed and had made it to the hotel ballroom where Finn and his friends were. My ex-boyfriend walked over to me and smiled.

"Hey, Meredith," he said. "It seems as though every time we run into each other, you get more beautiful."

"Thanks," I replied, appreciating the compliment.

I was then caught off guard by Finn nearly kissing me. When I realized that it was going to happen, I turned my head to the side and almost lost my balance. Callie held onto me to keep me from falling to the ground. I didn't even look over at Finn again and saw Derek's blue eyes looking straight at mine.

* * *

"Thank you, Finn, but I really need to go now," I said to my ex. "I just remembered that there are some things that I need to go do."

Derek made his way over to me, but he was stopped by Chief Webber.

"Shepherd, can you please call Addison back? She's called me a few times, wanting to speak to you," Richard said.

"I'm a bit busy right now, Sir," Derek replied. He then turned to me. "Addison kept calling my phone, and I didn't answer. I don't know what is going on with her. She's been acting strange. She didn't even act like this when we called off our engagement. I'm trying to keep her calm and hope that she wouldn't continue to act this way, but she hasn't changed."

"Promise me that Addison is not going to get in the way of us," I said to my boyfriend.

"I promise you that she will not. And can you promise me that Finn won't get in our way?"

"I assure you he won't. I'm already wanting to go home. He almost kissed me."

"Oh, I saw. I want to kill him."

"I know you do, but he's not worth your time. I can assure you of that."

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks, and then we can go." Derek walked away and Finn started talking to me again.

"He definitely wants you back," Finn said.

"I'm already back with him," I replied.

"You gave him a second chance, and it seems only fair that you'd do the same with me. I know that I'm busy with hospital stuff."

"I'm in love with Derek, Finn."

He stepped closer to me and started to whisper in my ear. "I'll only need to be inside you once and you'll be able to remember what we had."

"Nothing is going to happen."

"We'll see what happens."

* * *

I texted Derek to let him know that Finn and I were going to be at dinner soon. He said that if Finn tried anything, that he would come over and deck him. Dinner went off without a hitch, and when we were dropped off at my apartment after the meal was over, I heard someone call my name. I recognized the person's voice instantly.

"It's Izzie Stevens; she's a reporter," I said quietly to Finn.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" he asked me.

"Bad...well, hello Izzie," I continued, sarcasm dripping. "What brings you by this evening?"

"I didn't mean to interrupt, but I couldn't help but notice that you and Mr. Dandridge seemed to be on a date," she said.

"It wasn't a date. We were just talking."

"What source tells you it was a date?" Finn questioned.

"A bad one, I guess."

"You're right. Now get out of here. You have no business poking around my personal life, or Meredith's." Izzie looked a bit startled and then left. Once she was gone, Finn spoke to me. "What's her deal?"

"Derek slept with her one time and now she's holding a grudge against him for some reason."

My ex decided to change the subject. "You should come visit me this weekend."

"I'm going to be out of the country with Derek. We have plans."

"Another time, then."

"Sure, Finn."

"Thanks for coming tonight. I really appreciated it. Until next time, Meredith."

Finn then left me outside the apartment and got into his car and drove away. I entered my apartment, looking for my boyfriend. It seemed as though I had a sixth sense and could tell when he was close by, even though everything was perfectly quiet. Even my appliances - which normally made noises - were quiet at this moment. I turned around and saw Derek removing his tie, as well as his jacket.

"Hey you," I said to him. "What's up?"

"Addison was going crazy. She was calling me again, so I went to see her. I think I have a good idea of why she's not right. She's been on antidepressants for a while now and the dosage seems to be off," he replied. "She was supposed to tell the doctor if anything was going on, but I guess she forgot to, so taking these drugs were making her nuts."

"So what happens with her now?"

"She's going to go to the doctor in the morning and either get a different dosage of the same antidepressant or get a whole new prescription."

"Are you going to go help her with that?"

"She's not my problem, Meredith. I told her that as I was leaving. I called her husband, Henry, and told him that he needed to take care of her." He paused for a minute before speaking again. "I really am looking forward to going away with you tomorrow. I just need some alone time with you."

"I'm looking forward to it as well."

* * *

When I got to work the next morning, I made sure to wear comfortable clothes since I knew that the flight I would be getting on later today would be somewhat long. My phone was buzzing just as I was sitting down in the conference room. I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Meredith," my mother's voice replied.

"Hello, Mother."

"I really would like to see you today, since I'm taking a red-eye flight back home tonight."

"Sure. Find a place close to the hospital and I'll meet you there for lunch."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

After the phone call was over, I started to wonder if there was even a chance of being on good terms with my mother. I still wasn't ready to forgive her for her betrayal.


	39. Chapter XXXIX

**AN: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

I immersed myself in my work while the hours ticked by relatively quickly and it grew closer to when I was meeting my mother for lunch. I had sent Derek a text shortly after the call ended, letting him know that my mother wanted to meet up for lunch.

When I left my office and was prepared to leave, I saw a young man standing by the front desk that I hadn't seen before. I took a closer look and then recognized him from a few pictures on Derek's phone.

"Mr. Montgomery?" I asked.

"Ms. Grey," he replied.

"Do you have some time to talk?"

"Not today. I've got plans for lunch and then I'll be leaving as soon as the meal is over."

"Tomorrow?"

"I'll be out of town for the weekend."

I then felt Derek wrap his arm around my waist and keep me close to him.

"Meredith needs to get going now. She doesn't want to be late for lunch," my boyfriend said.

"Okay then. Until we meet again, Ms. Grey," Addison's husband replied. He then walked away.

Derek gave me a kiss on the cheek, then told me that he'd see me after lunch. I headed out to the parking lot, got into my car, and then drove to the restaurant where my mother was waiting.

* * *

"Meredith," came my mother's soft voice when I sat down at the table.

"Mother," I replied, a bit terse. The next few minutes were a bit awkward, because neither one of us was speaking. After we ordered our food and drinks, my mother started talking.

"Your bracelet is very nice," she continued.

"Thank you, Mom. Derek got it for me a few days ago."

I didn't know which topic was more important for her, the fact that she broke my trust by having my old bracelet tracked, or that she had cheated on her husband with my dad.

"Does he know about the tracker?" she asked me.

"Of course he does. We don't keep secrets from one another. We've been doing much better. In case you're wondering, I'm not with him for the money. Even if he went into debt, I would still want to be with him."

The rest of lunch was awkward and I was grateful to be going away for the weekend. I needed a break from my job, and the rest of the drama that was going on in my life at the moment.

* * *

Derek met me after work and we made our way to the hospital's private planes. He had somehow gotten permission to use one of the planes for a personal trip.

Derek had one suitcase in his hand for the both of us, along with one of my purses in his hand.

"I figured you'd want to have this with you," he said, handing me the bag.

"Thank you, love," I replied. I took the purse and set it down on one of the seats. "Will you tell me where we're gonna be vacationing?"

"I think it was supposed to be a surprise, my love."

"It depends on how long we'll be in the air for. If we're up there for a long time, my curiosity will get the best of me."

"We'll be flying for a few hours."

"I have so many things I want to do to you."

"Well, I'll be doing many things to you this weekend. We had a deal. When we are able to get up from our seats, I want you to go into the bedroom and be naked on the bed when I get there."

"You're very naughty, you know that?"

20 minutes later, the pilot announced that we could walk around the cabin, so I got up and headed into the bedroom, stripping off my clothes as I got comfortable on the bed.

The door opened a couple of minutes later and Derek stepped inside, his eyes darkening with lust as soon as he saw me lying on the bed.

"This I like," he said. "However, you're not restrained. I think that's an easy situation we can rectify." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of fuzzy handcuffs. I felt myself get wet almost instantly at the thought of being completely submissive to him. He kissed me softly. "Hold out your wrists, love."

I did as I was told and he started to fasten my wrists into the cuffs.

"These restraints aren't too tight, are they?" Derek continued, as he finished restraining me to the headboard of the bed. "Just tell me when to stop and I will. I promise."

"Okay," I said.

"You have no idea how much this turns me on, seeing you like this."

"Tell me."

"It makes me even harder than normal."

"I'm so wet right now."

His fingers made their way inside me. "You're completely soaked. I'm gonna make sure that you will always be satisfied."

"I am...Derek, please," I cried out, as his fingers curled against my G-spot and caused me to quiver almost instantly.

"I think we should put that mouth of yours to good use. I'd like to have sex with you until the plane lands."

"Tell me it's not some flight that ends up becoming a red-eye."

"I should turn you over and spank you."

"I've been good lately," I begged softly.

He put his dick right next to my mouth, pushing it softly against my lips. "Use your mouth, Meredith. Please."

I opened my mouth and let my tongue run over the tip of his dick. He moaned softly, gripping my hair gently. "You are gonna make me cum so hard I'll be tingling for hours."

I just smirked as I brought him to an orgasm. He then slipped his finger back inside me and made me cum twice. I ended up falling asleep, as did Derek.

* * *

I had been dreaming that I was falling from a great height, and it caused me to wake up. I looked over at my phone and hit the home button. A brief look at the time told me that we had been in the air for two hours. I still had no idea where we were going, but something told me that we were going somewhere tropical.

I looked in the bedside drawers and found a bottle of unscented body lotion. An idea came to my mind and I kissed my boyfriend awake.

"I'm nowhere even close to being finished with you yet," he said, kissing me back, nipping on my bottom lip.

I set the bottle of lotion down on the bedside table and said to him, "I'd like to be inside you for once."

"Meredith-"

"I've never been able to do it before, and I've always wanted to. It's also not the weekend yet. Let me try, baby. Just tell me to stop if you don't want any more."

He kissed me softly and told me that it was okay for me to do it. I grabbed a condom from the suitcase and put it on my index finger, covering it with lotion. I started to suck his dick and slowly pushed my finger inside.

The sound that Derek made was very different from anything that I had ever heard before. At first, it sounded like he was in pain, but I could tell that he was in pleasure.

"I'm gonna make you feel good, babe," I said.

"Oh, Meredith," I heard him cry out when I hit his prostate. He became even harder when I continued to stroke that spot.

"Sssh, I've got you. Want me to keep going?"

"Please, don't stop." I felt him tighten up around my finger. But then, I saw him start to cry. I stopped what I was doing.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It feels so good, Meredith. It's just that, I haven't any pleasure down there like that for a long time. The last person who did it to me was...you know…"

"Oh baby." I kissed him reassuringly. "He can't hurt you again." I started to stroke the spot again and he opened his mouth in a silent scream. "Seeing you like this, Derek, it's such a turn-on. I love seeing you tense up around me."

"Ahhh, Meredith, please," he said, beginning to writhe in pleasure and I figured that he was getting close. I started to lick the tip of his dick as I continued stroking and that caused him to writhe even more. "So close. I want to cum inside you."

I sank down on him and kept my finger against the spot. I stroked it with my finger until he came and he couldn't help but nearly scream because of the pleasure I had just given him.

I removed my finger and threw the condom in the trash can next to the bed. He kissed me, then softly cried on my shoulder as he held me close.


	40. Chapter XL

**AN: ****Please review :D**

* * *

CHAPTER FORTY

Derek had chosen Aruba for our vacation and I was in love with the place. I hadn't been to the Carribean before, so I was really excited to be spending the weekend here.

"We're good, right, love?" I asked him, taking ahold of his hand as we made our way over to the hotel. "Did I do something wrong?"

"We're good, Meredith," he replied. "You did nothing wrong. You made me feel so good. I rented us a cabana down at the beach for a while. We're going to have dinner together. I ordered us some roasted chicken and potatoes."

"That sounds delicious," I said.

We ate our dinner in the cabana about an hour after we checked into our room, and afterwards, I noticed that he had barely touched his food. I wondered what was going on with him.

"I feel like I hurt you," I continued. "I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry, Derek." I then left the cabana and started making my way down towards the turquoise water.

"Meredith, wait up!" Derek shouted. He caught up to me and pulled me into his arms. "That's not it at all. I enjoyed it." He paused for a minute, then spoke again. I saw him get down on one knee, taking my hand in his. "Marry me, Meredith Grey."

* * *

"Yes, I will. But you're serious?" I asked him. I was in complete shock.

"Marry me tomorrow," he continued. "I need to be bound to you legally. You have owned my heart and soul from day one and no one else can have it. I've been going crazy for weeks."

"We can't get married tomorrow; what about all of our friends and family?"

"We'll have another wedding. We can have this as our little secret. I asked your dad for his blessing?"

"What?! When did you do that?"

"When he was in town. I even recorded the conversation so that you'd be able to listen to it when you want to."

"My dad didn't mention a thing to me."

"I wanted him to not say anything so that it would be a surprise. I won't be able to live without you, Meredith. I don't want anyone else."

"This is just crazy."

"Why, Meredith? You know that neither of us want to be with other people. So why would we want to wait?" I tried to think of reasons why we shouldn't get married right now, but my mouth would not open and speak the words. "We're going to get married on the island. You have some time left as a single woman." He kissed me again, and the realization that I was Derek's fiancée started to settle in.

* * *

"Are you horny for me?" he asked me after we got back to our hotel room.

"You be the judge," I said, my nipples hardening into stiff peaks under my shirt. He lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it behind him.

"No bra, Ms. Grey. I like that very much." His hands were on my breasts immediately and I kissed him hard, then moving to suck on his ear. "It feels so good." I rolled my shoulders back a few times before going back to focus on him. He worked on getting my sweatpants off and smirked when he saw I wasn't wearing underwear. "You really are a bad girl, Meredith."

"I'm doing my best to be a good girl," I continued.

He picked me up and carried me over to the bed, setting me down on the bed. He settled between my legs, holding my thighs steady.

"Did you know that you have a pretty slit?" he asked, then ran his tongue along it slowly. I moaned softly, my hands reaching for his hair, pulling gently. "I think you could be much wetter, Meredith."

"Please," I begged. "Please, Derek. Don't stop." I wanted to writhe and move around, but I couldn't do much because he had a tight grip on me. He fingered me as he ate me out, his tongue working on the sensitive bundle of nerves. I arched my back, feeling the pleasure build up in my abdomen. I felt myself getting close as his tongue licked me in the spots that made me weak. "I'm gonna cum."

He stopped licking me and curled his fingers, making me scream his name as the orgasm went through my body.

* * *

The next morning, I married Derek Christopher Shepherd on Eagle Beach in Aruba, wearing a beautiful white sundress. Our hotel manager was the only witness at the ceremony. Derek was dressed in a black suit and dress pants.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister said. "You may kiss the bride."

Derek kissed me softly and then whispered in my ear, "We can repeat this as many times as you want."

"I'd like that," I said to him.

The hotel manager brought us a small cake, which we cut and each enjoyed a slice, and then we signed our marriage license. Seeing my name as Meredith Shepherd filled me with joy.

We spent the rest of our time in Aruba enjoying the warm, turquoise water and making love in the hotel room.

* * *

When I got to work on Monday, it felt strange knowing that I was now Mrs. Meredith Shepherd.

A few days ago, I was just his girlfriend, but now, I was his wife. My life was different now that I had spoken vows and wore a silver band on my finger.

I received an email from Derek about halfway through the workday before I left for lunch.

_My beautiful, drop-dead gorgeous wife._

_I always think of you, 24/7._

_Love you forever and always._

\- Derek

I smiled as I typed a message back.

_My handsome husband,_

_I love you too, forever and always._

\- Mrs. Shepherd

* * *

**And that is the end of this story, folks! Thanks for sticking with me until the end.**

**Until next time.**


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